January
The first of many sad losses during the year, Sidney Poitier died - if you’re at a loss over the holidays do watch “To Sir with Love” again. Such a wonderful movie, make the kids watch it - they’ll thank you for it (they won’t - but they might).
Novak Djokovic refused to meet the simple vaccination requirements of the Australian Open proving to Aussie sports long associated with such behaviour, like the NRL or AFL, that Tennis players could be dickheads too. The whole thing went on WAY too long. Surely they could have modified one of those machines that launches balls to rapidly repatriate him to Serbia?
Speaking of dickheads - Brian Tamaki was remanded in Mt Eden.
February
Kate Hawkesby announced to the nation that as a result of Covid she and Mike Hosking were facing delays getting a new swimming pool. Adding to the nation’s misery this resulted in a nationwide shortage of miniature violins.
New Zealand said “wow that Charlotte Bellis is a self-entitled brat”, meanwhile Ian Taylor said “hold my beer!”
The great summer campout commenced in Wellington. Attendees competed for badges like “egging a child wearing a mask”, “throwing human excrement at people”, “threatening to execute the media”, and “calling the Prime Minister a Nazi”.
Trevor Mallard became the most popular DJ in the country - play it again Trev!
Russia invaded the Ukraine, tens of thousands of people have died since and millions have been displaced - for what? Putin’s ego?
March
The police evicted the free campers outside of parliament to the cheers of an appreciative public. The protestors chanted “peace and love” as they set fire to the children’s playground.
National said Dr Ashley Bloomfield's apology over testing delays was just the latest example of him misleading the public, and ACT's David Seymour said he wanted him removed:
"Dr Bloomfield has misled the New Zealand public too many times, made too many bad decisions, and we need to start afresh as we recover from Covid."
"I think based on the quality of the management of the pandemic he needs to go.. ..The things that [Bloomfield] was responsible for have actually been disastrous."
The Nation’s super sleuths were hot in pursuit of that great mystery of our time regarding the Prime Minister’s partner - Where is Clarke Gayford?
Leo Molloy furthered his mayoral credentials by saying if he was mayor the homeless would be sprayed with cold water. Ultimately Leo lost as the nation’s largest city opted instead for a candidate who said he wanted the face of a journalist on urinals so he could piss on him.
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