A Few Sandwiches Short Of A Picnic
Luxon offers Marmite-based solutions as Seymour hides from Erica Stanford.
You're like Marmite
Fickle to me
Mixed reception
No one can agree
Still so salty
Darkest energy
Think you're special
But you're no match for me
Song by Porij.
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Morena, let’s not beat about the bush this morning, shall we? You and I both know we’re not here to discuss cornflakes, poached eggs, or buttered toast.
We’re here for one thing only: sandwiches, marmite ones, possibly with an apple, and for goodness sake, don’t mention David Seymour’s disastrous school lunches.
Of course, that was Christopher Luxon’s response to the news that said lunches were found to be not only gross, inappropriate for students' dietary requirements, late, or not being eaten, but also leaching god knows what chemicals into the food as the packaging started to merge with it, presumably in some vain hope of improving its nutritional qualities.
As reported by RNZ yesterday, in 'Collective nightmare': School lunches with melted plastic investigated, the Murchison Area School was provided with lunches in which the packaging melted into the food. Yummy.
Jokes aside, would you want your kids or mokopuna eating this just so that Seymour can save a few bucks?
Perhaps some context. The move to Seymour’s favoured lunch provider was on target last October to save $130m a year, although saying it was on target then doesn’t really mean much as it hadn’t even started. I’m guessing all those replacement pita pits, pies, and pizzas that schools are resorting to aren’t free.
On the other hand, the break fees from Nicola Willis’ tantrum, during which she stamped her feet and tore up the contract for the new ferries from Hyundai, the company that, as reported on 1 News last night, will probably end up providing them anyway, but presumably at a greater cost and/or for an inferior solution, were $300m.
So, to put it another way, our children have to eat this garbage for two and a half years to cover the costs of Nicola Willis’ petulant actions in cancelling a contract that never should have been broken.
Faced with all of that, what did Luxon, the leader, do? Did he pull the plug on the whole debacle as more and more are asking of him? Did he discover a backbone and say, “Look, Seymour had his shot, and he screwed it up, so I’m canning his deal, and we’re going back to the old way. I unreservedly apologise to this country's parents, children, and teachers, and I will do better”?
Yeah, not so much. Instead, the Prime Minister said in parliament and on Newstalk ZB, "Here's the deal; if you don't like the lunches, just go make a Marmite sandwich and put an apple in the bag," sounding like one of their call-in listeners.
Perhaps he was playing to the NZME audience, but he certainly revealed his true colours regarding school lunches—basically saying that’s the parent’s job.
In the 1 News bulletin last night, Nicola Willis was quoted as chiming in with a similar sentiment, complaining like the Wicked Witch of Wellington that this has gone beyond a programme about feeding a needy few into a programme where it is seen as a sense of entitlement.
I don’t expect Christopher Luxon, David Seymour, or Nicola Willis to be concerned about hungry children. That is definitely not their brand, but despite much evidence to the contrary, you would hope they might at least take a passing interest in economic considerations.
We’ve had this argument; it’s been done. This isn’t about the parents who, for whatever reason, send their kids to school without lunch - although you’d have to have a pretty grim outlook on the nation’s poor not to assume that finances weren’t a large part of it. As I say, this isn’t about them.
It’s about the kids and the teachers. We can yell that everyone should provide for their kids until we’re blue in the face, or in the heart, but that doesn’t change the fact that if a kid turns up without food, it’s in all our interests that they’re fed and can learn well.
Nurturing our children is valuable, even if you can only understand it through the economic lens of equipping them to be good future units of productivity.
I should add that for the purposes of this conversation, let’s ignore the tsunami of AI about to wash over our society, rendering much of humanity and such concerns over the future economic outputs of the children of Bottom Feeders, redundant. Perhaps a cheerful topic for another day?
Brian said, “He can shove his Marmite somewhere the sun don't shine. We're a Vegemite household here.” Too bloody right, Brian. I prefer Vegemite, too, in the battle of the yeasty breakfast spreads, but I appreciate it’s a divisive issue.
Still, I don’t imagine Sanitarium welcomes the association with the Prime Minister; mind you, they should probably just be grateful to retain their tax-free status - what a rort that is.
While we’re on the Vegemite, some readers suggested the Men at Work song, I’m sure you know the one; my mate Simon even proposed some lyrics:
I said, “Oh, do you come from a land of plenty?"
He just smiled and said, “No, I come from a far-right coalition; make your own f**king Vegemite sandwich.”
Kristen, who worked with Simon and I a quarter of a century ago - yikes - said, “Shame on him. We can see who he is.”
David came over all Christopher Antoinette in his comment:
Moira said, “This shows us all Mr Wealthy and Sorted, Entitled to the Entitlements, doesn’t like school lunches any more than Seymour. Once again, his leadership is decidedly absent. It shows he does not govern for everyone, but just the rich donors, landlords and tobacco companies. This government needs to be gone.”
Geoff perfectly summed up the situation, saying, “What a horrible person he is.”
There was at least one person in the government who was prepared to stand up to the madness that is Seymour’s Scungy Catering - Education Minister, Erica Stanford, who scheduled a “please explain” meeting, demanding some accountability from David Seymour, and looked highly pissed off to be handling questions for him.
“I think if we are spending taxpayer money, we have an obligation to provide a quality service. I’ve asked David Seymour for a meeting this morning to go through some of the issues on the school lunch programme and to make sure they are being cleared up,” said Stanford. Hitting him where it hurts, right in the Taxpayers’ Unions.
Correct me if I’m wrong, but was this the first time anyone in the government openly admitted that Seymour should be held accountable for his performance rather than being deemed off-limits due to coalition concerns?
Either way, Seymour didn’t turn up for their meeting.
Like a naughty schoolboy being scolded against his will, he was asked about it and claimed his caucus meeting ran long, implying this was beyond his control. With a shrug of his shoulders and that shit-eating grin, quite handy when having to do photo ops with these lunches, which said, he didn’t accept that he should take any accountability. However, he did look a little rattled.
I’m sorry, what? The duration of your own caucus meeting is beyond your control? That’s just absurd; you’re the party leader - you should, at the very least, be able to manage how long your team meeting runs for.
Minister Stanford did not express confidence in Seymour’s ability to turn things around when asked. She told waiting journalists, “Well, that’s why I’m meeting with him today—to find out what the plan is.”
Hopefully, it’s something better than saying, “If you don’t like it, make a sandwich”, which rings alarm bells over the Prime Minister’s ability to manage things and reveals much about him. I posted:
Trish replied: “If the Cook Strait Ferry breaks down, he would probably tell them to go home and get their boogie board, paddle board or kayak.”
Christian suggested that DIY appendectomy kits could be a game-changer in reducing waiting lists. However, I don’t think we should give these guys any ideas.
To be fair, Luxon also said to send an apple with that sandwich. As you know, an apple a day keeps the Doctor away, so at least the healthcare needs of the nation’s children are taken care of.
Assuming parents can afford the apples, which Supermarkets seem to think are a luxury item - although they don’t then pass on the fruits of their price gouging to the suppliers.
So, what did we learn about these leaders and their ability to work under pressure?
Erica stalks the foyer like a velociraptor, finally looking to attack the problem head-on. Meanwhile, David Seymour hides and then lies about doing so even though everyone can see that is exactly what he did. As for Luxon, he yells out, “Make a sandwich”.
Don’t get me wrong; I don’t think any of these people should be remotely near power, but if they must, then it should obviously be Erica in charge and not the other two; she’s the only one at least acknowledging there is a problem. The PM and soon-to-be deputy, Dave, cannot even manage that first step.
If you didn’t see it, here is 1 News’ excellent report from Benedict Collins. It’s well worth a look:
To something different. Do you know what’s even better than a Marmite sandwich for lunch? Sixteen donated subscriptions to give away!
I’m blown away. Thank you so much to the generous patrons who have given so much after yesterday’s newsletter. I was genuinely shocked when I looked at the account, and it left me with a slight dilemma about how to distribute the subscriptions, but I have an idea…
Now, correct me if I’m wrong—that would be you folks who gave so generously. I’m guessing your reason for donating was to support this newsletter and see it read rather than necessarily to single out individuals for a gift—nice as that would be.
So, I’m thinking of offering sixteen newsletters for free to all, perhaps one a week for the next few months. These newsletters would be sponsored and paid for by this generous patronage. Just a thought, let me know if you have any different ones.
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Like Marmite itself, I suspect some of you will love this track, and a lot will say, ugh, just no. Sometimes, the best things are that way. Me - I’m in.
Surely in a cost of living crisis, taking a bit of the load off struggling families by providing school kids with lunch makes economic and societal sense? The fact that Mr Shit-eating-grin thinks this is all a bit of a joke, and Mr I'm-rich-and-sorted just can't relate says a lot about the sense of entitlement of this Government. Corporate welfare good, actual welfare bad.
This has been such an omnishambles. It is so clear to everyone that Compass can't deliver on the price point (costs are over $4/meal but don't include current expenses of extra staff time and ordering in edible food). Seymour was dreaming when he gave them the contract. Luxon and Stanford seem to be quite ineffectual at doing anything about it?