Auckland - My Work Here Is Done.
Wellington, we've only just begun.
All the noises coming from the politicians and the press suggest that today could be the day. On the 40th day the great navigator will emerge from days and nights of negotiations to announce that we have arrived.
In recent days Captain Luxon has been claiming progress - We're closer to the end than we were in the beginning, and getting further from the start. Now he’ll switch to something more meaningful - on behalf of myself and Deputy Captain Winston, I’d like to welcome you to Wellington, where the local time, as specified in our coalition agreement, is the 1970s.
Nicola Willis went so far yesterday as to proclaim “my work here is done”, returning to the capital and informing the press that she was not in the running for the deputy role. To be honest, I wasn’t entirely clear what her work here had been.
It seemed to largely consist of standing behind Luxon, nodding and forcing a smile, while her eyes told a story of abject horror. It wasn’t clear whether that related to the words coming out of Luxon’s mouth, or if she was thinking of the policy negotiations.
No doubt she had been required to explain her tax plan to Winston and Seymour. That could explain the look in her eyes, and it would certainly help us understand how on earth these negotiations have dragged on for so long.
You could imagine, day after day, as the NZF and ACT teams watched her working on a whiteboard, shaking their heads saying - nope, I still don’t get it. Don’t add up.
Either way the Finance Minister-elect has headed back to Wellington to prepare. Her work in Auckland may be done but there is much to do back home.
Think of all those Christmas preparations she needs to undertake. Presents for the kids, volunteering at a foodbank (I’m kidding), preparing a mini budget, oh and the small matter of summarily executing a few thousand public servants before she can sit down with her family, in matching pajamas, to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life”. Naw.
Another heading back to the capital was Chris Bishop, I assume his Lime scooter duties now complete. According to Bishop the reason he was heading home was because he only brought one shirt to Auckland.
“I've run out of clothes, I'm currently wearing Christopher Luxon's shirt,” Bishop told a surprised RNZ reporter at the airport.
“He lent me a blue shirt,” explained Bishop.
Yep, at a time when many can’t get flights into Wellington due to recent cancellations Bishop is popping home for a change of shirt, having been reduced to borrowing one from the boss. Did somebody not tell him there are shops that sell shirts in Auckland? The mind boggles.
Especially given that Bishop often appears in parliament looking like he’s come directly from an all nighter in Courtenay Place. Out doing it for the ‘gram.
Come on, are we really expected to believe Bishop wears the same sized shirt as Christopher Luxon? Not to mention the absurd suggestion that Luxon would lend him one, risking the inevitable curry stains, and the eau de lager and cigarettes.
So what will our new government, our Prime Minister Christopher Luxon, have to say? Will we finally see some leadership, or just more of the same silly game playing?
An early indicator will be whether he chooses to focus this occasion on his new government, what they’re going to do, his vision for New Zealand. Or instead will we get a reprise of his old standard “The sky is falling and it’s all Labour’s fault”?