And I said, "Mama, mama, mama, why am I so alone"
'Cause I can't go outside, I'm scared I might not make it home
Well I'm alive, I'm alive, but I'm sinking in
If there's anyone at home at your place, darling
Why don't you invite me in?
Don't try to feed me
'Cause I've been here before
And I deserve a little more
Songwriters: Daniel John Vickrey / Charles Thomas Gillingham / David Lynn Bryson / Matthew Mark Malley / Ben G. Mize / Steve Bowman / Adam Frederic Duritz.
They say there’s no such thing as a free lunch, and perhaps it’s true. If you saw Davey Seymour’s Disgusting School Dinners yesterday, you couldn’t give that stuff away for free - literally.
Mind you, that’s when the meals finally turned up. Some of them only arrived as it was nearing home time. Late, but once people had seen them, it was not necessarily better than never. A phrase that brings back memories.
When I was a kid, I recall long car journeys as other motorists overtook the family Ford Escort, and we whined, “Are we there yet?” My parents would always say, “Better late than never”.
When you think about it, that’s quite a grim thing to tell a kid. Basically, it’s saying, “Do you really want your father to drive faster and kill us all? Well, do you?”
So you’d look out the window, counting the wooden crosses by the roadside, and thank your lucky stars that you didn’t also have to eat the sort of food that neoliberalism would deliver forty years hence.
Is this supposed to be pasta?
Have you seen those news reports where David Seymour tucks into his new school lunches on camera and manages to smile through it, claiming he’s enjoying what’s in his mouth? Even though everyone knows he’s enjoying it about as much as the rest of us enjoy what comes out of his mouth.
But even the leader of the ACT party would’ve struggled to put a brave face on tasting yesterday’s culinary catastrophe…
Mmm, yum, what the hell is it?
After a day of late deliveries despite many schools not yet having returned to the classroom and poor reviews regarding the quality of his $3 lunches, the ACT Party leader remarked that there were “teething problems.”
Namely, the fact that no one was keen to sink their teeth into his new meals. For example, Massey Primary School had 440 meals delivered, but about 200 were returned uneaten.
Now, some might say the kids should be grateful for a free lunch and go hungry if they don’t like it. Those people are probably listening to Newstalk ZB right now and railing about the need to provide food at all.
The rest of us probably accept that there is a limit to what is acceptable. Massey Principal Bruce Barnes said that their halal meals contained ham, which is beyond reasonable. Besides, we’re talking about providing nutrition to our growing kids so they can learn well—can’t we aim a bit higher than delivering the minimum of what most people would think acceptable?
C’mon, this is BS; serving a young Muslim kid lunch with ham in it is about as sensitive as the chap who recommended the Irish mix grass clippings with their rotten potatoes to make them more palatable during the great famine.
And if you think that comparison is a bit over the top, take a look at this - I mean, what the hell is it?
It’s not just the quality that’s a problem. Year 8 students received the same portion sizes as Year 1, which is simply idiotic. The meals were in containers that the smaller kids couldn’t open, and teachers had to use scissors to get to the food.
I felt sick hearing the next part. Unlike the previous meals, the new lunches did not include any fresh fruit or vegetables. What the hell are we doing as a society? These are growing kids.
Seymour visited Ōtāhuhu College yesterday, where students were fed the nasty neoliberal lunches and made the following comments, as reported by RNZ:
“Last year, we actually knew what we were eating; we could see it. This year, we're questioning what we're eating.”
“It looks like pasta, some meat, probably beef and, mixed with carrots. But that's it. No salt, no nothing.”
“Mush ... you can’t really say if this is pasta or rice ... I thought it was cauliflower.”
“I wouldn’t buy it ... like, 50 cents ... Not even 50 cents.”
The NZ Herald further critiqued the cut-price recipes, and the verdict was harsh.
“If you eat with your eyes, then I suggest you close them.
I have opened a container of sadness and carrots. A tomato-ey sludge on a pile of structurally challenged penne. I’ve seen worse – but I also spent the bulk of my high school years eating dinner in a state-run hostel before the invention of Instagram.
I’m not ready to talk about today’s vegetarian option, but if I was a lentil, I would immediately distance myself from the current Government.”
I especially enjoyed the ending of Kim Knight’s article:
“They say that some kids only go to school to eat their lunch. I’d happily eat this if I were hungry. But if I had an option, I’d probably rather do calculus.”
As much as I felt for those eating the meals and the teachers who had to deal with hungry kids by buying snacks to tide them over until the food arrived, the people I really thought about were those who had started great little community businesses. Locals who had been providing good-quality lunches to schools under the old system. It must have been hard to see what had replaced them.
ACT: the party that destroys local enterprises in order to favour large multinational corporations. Why do people vote for these guys again?
So what of the man himself? What did Chef Seymour make of the food available as he saves $130m by spending $3 per serving rather than the extravagant $8.68 the previous government was spending?
In this photo Seymour posted yesterday, after the ones he made on school lunches, it turns out he opted for a restaurant instead. Does anything sum up the ACT party more than serving children low-quality, inedible crap while the party leader tucks into this instead:
Further down David’s Facebook page, in the very next post, with photos of his visit to Ōtāhuhu College, he says, “What we’ve done with school lunches is exactly the approach ACT is taking across all areas of Government.”
Isn’t that a grim thought?
Well, here’s another:
The faster you go, the bigger the mess.
The National Party loves roads. No, really. And they want to go faster on those roads, whether it’s outside a school, outside of pickup times or on the open road because, as we all learned as kids, when it comes to getting there, it’s “better never than late”.
Hmm, that’s not it. Hang on, I know this one.
We all remember the advert from the 90s, “The faster you go – the bigger the mess.” It’s not rocket science; it’s basic physics, although it seems to have eluded the new Transport Minister, Chris Bishop, who was appointed to the Transport role after his predecessor, Simeon Brown, received the hospital pass of Health.
A few days ago, I was listening to the radio and couldn’t quite believe what I heard.
By all means, tell us about logistics and saving small amounts of time. Express your desire to go faster without socialist concerns about safety. We get it—some men have things to compensate for.
But don’t tell stupid lies and say increasing speed limits will categorically not result in a single additional death, Chris. You look more dishonest than usual, and let’s be honest, half the time, you barely look like you believe yourself.
Some of my Facebook friends and followers had a few things to say about that:
Chris P: “He has to know the stats. So he’s lying. The strange thing is he obviously thinks there are people out there who will believe his lies.”
Simon: “When I hear that question, I always posit: Why not both?”
Dallas: “This damn govt seems determined to kill us one way or another!”
Neill: “There will be unnecessary deaths and injuries on the Napier Taupo road as a result of this for sure. The 80k limit saved lives - the stats show it.”
Christian had a practical suggestion: “Let’s test that out on him like they do on Myth Busters. What if we incrementally increase the speed of a cricket ball projected into his groin area and study the reaction.” No batsman’s box, Chris; remember, safety precautions are for the woke.
Joking aside, Gail cut to the chase with an undeniable comment, despite the words coming out of Bishop’s mouth - “Research shows that speed kills!”
According to New Zealand Ministry of Transport data, speeding contributes to approximately “34% of fatal crashes and 21% of serious injury crashes.”
Studies show that higher speeds directly correlate with increased severity of injuries in crashes, with a substantially higher risk of fatalities at increased speeds.
A large percentage of speed-related fatal crashes occur on open roads with higher speed limits.
Pedestrians have significantly lower survival rates when struck by a vehicle at higher speeds.
Research indicates that lowering speed limits can lead to noticeable decreases in both deaths and serious injuries.
The government has a hard job, and I appreciate that lowering speed limits is one thing they could point to as having actually done something.
But this isn’t a joke; there is a very strong likelihood that the National Party’s changes to speed limits will result in people dying, and although their blood will be on his hands, Chris Bishop won’t take responsibility.
Some will celebrate being able to drive faster, but if it costs one life, if one police officer has to knock on a door and deliver the worst news a family will ever receive, is it worth it?
Can’t we just slow down a bit and enjoy the journey? I can’t see what was wrong with the idea that it was better to be safe than sorry and better to arrive late than never.
What do you think? Were the last government’s blanket speed reductions too restricting, or is it worth a little inconvenience to save lives and look out for others?
Funny, it always seems to come back to that same argument.
Your time and money, or other people’s health and happiness. I’d happily forgo some of the stuff on the left of that equation in return for the stuff on the right. What about you?
Have a great day, all you lovely people. Drive safely and don’t eat any of those $3 lunches, although I hear there are plenty going to spare.
Ngā mihi,
Nick.
August and Everything After by Counting Crows is one of my favourite albums, and I really like these Chelsea Studio versions from 1997, a year I listened to that record a lot. Here’s Rain King, and it’s really worth checking out the others.