Brickbats, Bouquets and Bull's Wool.

Rating the events of the week.

Welcome to the first, and possibly last, edition of Brickbats, Bouquets and Bull’s Wool. In which I’ll take a look at the events of the last week or so, and rate them.

In such ratings the numbers usually have more to do with the opinions of the reviewer, than the actual facts. It’s probably worth noting that in pointing that out I’m not implying that this will be any different.

To provide balance we’ll also look at the ratings from the champion of all things right, however wrong, Mike Hosking.

Back in the day there was a comedy show called Mock the Week in the UK, which ran from 2005 until late 2022. In this show comedians would lampoon the misadventures of politicians by showing the public things they’d actually said or done.

Sometimes the gaze was in the direction of the left, but it’s fair to say most of the mocking was aimed at the right. Perhaps they were just funnier? Have you seen Keir Starmer? About as funny as a poo in a pickle jar (with credit to Peter).

Mike Hosking decided to run his own version called Mock the Weak, where he’d rip apart anything good and celebrate the mediocre, the inept, and the downright rotters of the right. With of course no humour, that stuff’s for lefties.

Mike Mock’s the Weak.

Let’s take a look at some of the ratings Mike produced this week. I’m not sure how he does it. Some divine meanings from chicken bones, others read the leaves in a teacup. Based on his show I assume Mike has a large bowl of All Bran, a couple of laxatives, and then lets nature take its course. Right so let’s check Mike’s output this week…

“The plug-in hybrid back down: 6/10 When you overreach you see it and fix it. That's almost as good as common sense.” 

Surprisingly Mike rated the government’s accidental flip flop, charging lower Road User Charges for EVs than they’d intended, as above average, a 6/10. This came about because the select committee, chaired by NZ First’s Andy Foster, voted for a Labour amendment they didn’t mean to. Such is their haste to rush changes through under urgency.

Mike says making a basic error, then pretending you’re doing the right thing - even though you had no intention to do so, is almost as good as common sense. I wonder if he’d have said the same if Labour had made such a mistake?

I believe the phrase is “Yeah, right”. I also wondered if perhaps we could swap Mr Foster back to the Wellington City Council and get someone like Rebecca Matthews instead - that makes good sense. Well, unless you’re from Wellington.

“Conspiracy theories: 2/10 The blight of the age. I can't work it out. Even when you saw the video at Windsor people still questioned it. Is it stupidity? It's wilful stupidity, mesmerising stupidity, mixed with a next level gormlessness.”

Aotearoa’s own king of misinformation was flummoxed that people could be mislead by absurd, blatantly fake, stories. You might need to take a moment to process that.

This from the man that lied to the public at the 2017 election, telling them they could only vote for Te Pāti Māori if they were “enrolled in a Māori electorate”.

Some countries might’ve taken such a transparent attempt to influence the election seriously. But being the easy going people that Kiwis are, Mike simply explained that he has candyfloss for brains and we all said fair enough, but don’t do it again.

Mind you the second half of Mike’s evaluation is useful. For example, how would you describe Hosking’s deeply ironic inability to comprehend that people will believe things that aren’t true? Is it stupidity? Is it wilful stupidity? Perhaps mesmerising stupidity, harking back to the days when he was wooing Kate? Personally I’d go with next level gormlessness - weekdays from 6am-9am.

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“Winston Peters: 7/10 He got exactly what he wanted. Surely even he must be surprised that a trick that old still works.”

While almost everyone else was reeling in horror at Druncle Winston’s comparison of the last government with Nazis, Mike saw it for what it was. A cry for relevance, and a distraction.

On the basis that all publicity, even Nazi related, is good, Winston’s setting about ensuring his new base doesn’t forget about him. Like the old one did in 2020.

Making sure that his warren dwellers know that if anyone is going to hold the last government, that he was once Acting Prime Minister of, accountable for their dastardly deeds it is he - Winston Peters, Nazi hunter extraordinaire.

It’s also provided a great distraction. While Winston is out front berating the press for quoting him accurately, Penny Simmonds is out the back repossessing wheelchairs from the less-disabled disabled. Melting down medical monitoring equipment for scrap, and causing parents unbearable distress.

Mike also found time to blame the government for the state of the economy and the level of crime. Not the current one obviously, but the one that was voted out almost six months ago.

Nick’s Brickbats, Bouquets and Bull's Wool.

Alright that’s more than enough of Mike’s moronic reckons. To be clear I’m not referring to Mike as a moron, that was more a description of what he must assume his audience to be. Which seems less of a stretch than much of what he infers.