Chippy Tea.

The Kiwi Takeaway.

I don’t know how many catholics there were when I was growing up, but there were a lot of people who had Fish and Chips for dinner on a Friday.

My family wasn’t very religious, just a little bit Anglican. And if you know anything about Christianity, Anglicanism is like the cheat’s version. You still get the eternal life, love, and forgiveness, but without the confessions and guilt of other churches.

So while I recall other families, friends and relatives, always having fish and chips on a Friday we (barely) Anglicans were probably eating chops or sausages or something else heretical. Which was a shame, cos I rather like a nice piece of battered snapper, a squirt of lemon, and some mushy chips.

Fish and Chips, Maketu. Robin White1975

To a kiwi kid a birthday party means fairy bread, white bread with butter and hundreds and thousands, rice bubble slice, the ubiquitous cheerios and sauce, and of course chippies. The other kind. But then you got older and if you were going to rock up late to a gathering you might pick up a bottle and some hot chips from the chippy. They aren’t fancy, but no one’s ever unhappy to see hot chips turn up.

As an aside I asked on Facebook recently what people liked on their hot chips. I tend to say hot chips to avoid confusion. Kiwi’s know what we mean by chips. It’s a versatile word that can mean hot chips or crisps without confusion, but that isn’t the case everywhere.

My first pub lunch on my OE, a characterless but warm pub on the unloved outskirts of Hemel Hempstead. Wanting to fit in with my new work colleagues I offered to get the first round in and they yelled out to get chips too. They thought it was hilarious when the village idiot from New Zealand returned to the table with bags of crisps only be told “those aren’t chips!”

Anyway, so readers of my page indicated their preferences for things to put on chips, other than “their mouths”. Malt vinegar, Tomato Sauce (Watties, Tui, or Heinz), or Aioli/Mayo were the most popular. Others opted for plain salted, stuff that belongs on wedges - sour cream, sweet chilli sauces, cheese, bacon), gravy, or HP/brown sauce.

A chippy tea, good old fush and chups, it is so associated with New Zealand that people use the way we say it as an example of our accent. It’s good basic tucker whether it’s warming you up, soaking up some Friday drinks, or best of all sitting at the beach having a laugh and watching the seagulls wearily. Some of the terminology, and some of the condiments might come from the other side of the world but a punnet of hot chips at the rugby, or a bag of fish and chips wrapped in newspaper, are Kiwi as.

Image: The Spinoff.

Kiwi as a poster of fish varieties on the chippy wall. Kiwi as having had a PM who worked in a fish and chippy. But could anything be more Kiwi than a Prime Minister called Chippy? Maybe if he had a flash of red hair representing the Watties sauce!

I bet Chris Hipkins is a man that likes a chip. Sure he pretends to love the sausage rolls, but I think it’s all a cover. You can’t very well be a world leader and travel from country to country being served a platter of hot chips wherever you go. You’ve got to have some standards, some decorum - we’re not talking about Chris Bishop for goodness sake!

We learn a lot about people in challenging times, even those like Chris Bishop who run around like a headless chook claiming the sky is falling. Chippy has had a bit of a challenging week it’s fair to say with the departure of Michael Wood as a Minister.

Jacinda Ardern made a point of not commenting when there were scandals in other parties. Firstly because she was all class, secondly, best to let the facts speak for themselves. Once a political opponent starts putting the boot in, it just becomes a partisan pissing contest.

Like many I was shocked and greatly saddened when Jacinda announced her retirement. But I’m starting to think maybe Chippy is the leader we need right now. He has shown he’s calm and focused in the face of a challenge, be it a weather event or a Minister in the headlines. He comes across as fair, well considered, and pragmatic.

He has been outstanding since he became Prime Minister. I can’t think of a thing he’s done wrong, and he’s managed difficult situations such as that with Michael Wood in a way that does great credit to him. It has been genuine and I think people like the honesty, and him not sugar coating things.

Chris Hipkins. Photo: Bloomberg.

I really feel for Michael Wood. Yeah he stuffed up, but he is a good man. He'll be back, although not for a wee while I imagine. Chippy handled a bad situation very well. It was right that he showed he was pissed off, but also clear that Wood had in no way been motivated by personal gain. It was an inexplicable, frustrating stuff up.

The Wood scandal is unlikely to make much impact on voters. To those on the right it will reaffirm their views on Labour, to those on the left it shows Chippy dealing with a problem well, unfortunate as it was. And Luxon certainly cannot claim the moral high ground.

I don’t mean this bizarre Tesla nonsense, that just shows how inept he is. I’m talking about something important. You cannot take the moral high ground, dealing with MPs who cause controversy, when you are sitting on the Sam Uffindell report. You just can’t, it looks ridiculous.

You cannot refuse to make the findings of your selection process public, in the most significant scandal in years, then make demands of the other lot.

No one will remember Michael Wood’s shares come election day any more than they will remember Gaurav Sharm. But Uffindell will still be there, unpunished, unrepentant, with a leader who is essentially saying boys will be boys with a nod and a wink. And half the country will go - that’s just fine with us.

I don’t actually care about Big Sam, having a self entitled bully in the National caucus is hardly breaking news - go ask Michael Woodhouse. But there were a couple of things I saw from the opposition this week that really concerned me.

Firstly, this announcement from ACT:

As you’re aware in the new “gig” economy many workers do not have access to the benefits that the Labour movement fought so hard for over the last century. People like Uber drivers don’t get access to minimum pay rates, sick leave, or annual leave. They often, when all is considered, work for below the minimum wage.

While some political parties are concerned at how worker protections will apply with the new ways of working ACT meanwhile are actively looking to ensure that these workers do not have the right to challenge things. Nope, when it comes to protecting the margins of multinational corporations or the rights of some of the most exploited workers in the country, ACT are firmly with the corporations. This is not “Kiwi as”.

Secondly, the other thing that is really bugging me is the whole response to trying to give Māori more equitable access to health care. Think about what they’re really saying, and it is truly horrible.

They aren’t denying the statistics, and they aren’t denying the unequal access to health services. What they’re saying, to Māori, is it doesn’t matter. We know, but we don’t care. You do not deserve equal access to health services.

Image: Toby Morris/the Spinoff.

I find it hard to understand how anyone could look at this image on life expectancy and not think something needs to be done. It makes me cry, as I’m sure it does many of you.

What sort of leader would look at those numbers and think to themselves “there are probably more votes in leaving things as they are, or criticising efforts to make them better”?

No sort of leader.

A real leader rolls their sleeves up and says “this is unacceptable. I know it’s hard to talk about, but we have to, and we have to do something about it.”

I see one leader doing just that. Christopher John Hipkins, our Chippy. Who sees it as his job to give all the people in Aotearoa a fair go.

Giving people a fair go. It’s as Kiwi as Friday Fish and Chips. As Kiwi as our Chippy.