Daddy
Ryan Bridge's love letter to Luxon.
Daddy, are you out there?
Daddy, won't you come and play?
Daddy, do you not care?
Is there nothing that you want to say?
Songwriters: Mark Batson / Beyonce Giselle Knowles.
This morning, a look at the much-maligned NZ Herald. Despised by many on the left as little more than a mouthpiece for the National Party with their cheerleaders three, Audrey, Claire, and the other one.
Some of us with long memories recall days of balance and varied viewpoints, but our numbers have dwindled over the decades.
Worryingly, these may be relatively golden days, with Jim Grenon's takeover set to move old Granny Herald and Newstalk ZB further to the right. This prompted the E tū union last week to seek a meeting with the Canadian Billionaire to clarify his intentions.
Their letter begins:
“We write out of deep concern that editorial independence at NZME is under threat. Editorial independence is the bedrock of professional journalism. It means that journalists can report freely and truthfully without external influence, whether from the state or private interests.
To be able to exercise this role, journalists cannot be subject to direction from the very interests they are supposed to be monitoring, and where necessary, criticising.”
Union boss Michael Wood said:
“Mr Grenon clearly wants to use his financial clout to steer the editorial direction of one of New Zealand’s largest and most important media networks . . . The idea that a shadowy cabal, backed by extreme wealth, is planning to take over such an important institution in our democratic fabric should be of concern to all New Zealanders.”
I agree, although, to be honest, that horse bolted some time ago. By way of exhibit ‘A’, I’d like to look at the following piece of “Premium Content”, to show you what I mean.
Ryan Bridge is now plying his trade at NZME. You might remember him as the guy on the now-defunct AM show that made you nostalgically consider that perhaps Duncan Garner and Mark Richardson hadn’t been so bad after all.
Ryan begins:
“Jacinda Ardern spent time this week hawking a new children’s book via Instagram entitled Mum’s Busy Work (also available stateside, of course, as Mom’s Busy Work) for $35, thank you very much.”
Isn’t that just so, Ryan? While Christopher Luxon has literally been trying to flog Aotearoa to the highest bidding for a short-term boost in his ratings, Jacinda Ardern has released a book. So she, rather than he, is described as “hawking”.
It’s hard to know what Ryan’s beef is; Jacinda hardly ever posts on social media, unlike Luxon and his team of seven; hers just reaches many more people. Maybe that’s it?
Who’s your Daddy?
There’s quite a lot to unwrap in Ryan’s second paragraph:
“Back home, Daddy was also very busy with work. Prime Minister Christopher Luxon spent the first half of the week trying to mop up perceptions of a school lunch mess and a bad poll.”
When I first read that, I thought it was some sort of dig about Jacinda’s husband, Clarke Gayford, also being busy and things not being all about her. But as I read on, I realised that the person Ryan was referring to as “Daddy”, both here and later in the article, was none other than Christopher Luxon.
Ewww!
Also, “perceptions of a school lunch mess”, way to underplay it, Ryan. Are you saying they aren’t a mess, or are you just planting seeds and suggesting those complaining are imagining things and shouldn’t be listened to? You know, the teachers and principals—is this just their perception? Give me a break.
Not to mention, “a bad poll”? Of course, that old chestnut. It’s just a rogue poll, nothing to worry about; is that what the Herald wants us to believe?
So which of the succession of bad polls, indicating an undeniable trend, is Bridge referring to? Who knows? I suspect imparting information is the opposite of Ryan’s intent here.
He does mention that there have been other polls further down the article, saying:
“Much was made of the poll early in the week, and while the result, and the few that preceded it, should always be taken seriously, the threat of what would be quite a radically left-wing three-way alternative Government shouldn’t.”
Radically left-wing? Really? Labour isn’t even sure if it will commit to a CGT or a Wealth Tax. They’re left of National but hardly radical - that’s just silly.
And what is the use of the description “three-way” to describe a future left government supposed to impart?
Obviously, it’s instability, but c’mon, Ryan - have you counted how many parties are in this government? With the way relations are between Luxon, Seymour, and Peters, I think you’re taking the piss attempting to scare people about the possible number of parties that might combine on the left.
He continues:
“Voters are frustrated at the lack of progress on bread-and-butter economic issues, but when push comes to shove, wouldn’t hand the Beehive keys back to the guy they just booted out for landing us here in the first place.”
This is starting to get embarrassing, Ryan. Are you seriously saying the guy who got us into this mess in the first place is Chris Hipkins? That’s just mental.
Chippy was voted out one and a half years ago as of last week and was Prime Minister for less than a year - but we’re pinning everything on him, not the guy in charge? I guess that makes sense to NZME’s audience, but it sounds like bollocks to me.
Just for starters, there are tens of thousands of people who have lost their jobs under this government - how the hell is that the fault of Chris Hipkins? Obviously, it’s not.
Having laid the blame for everything with Chippy, Ryan then says, “The biggest threat to Luxon’s leadership is not Chris Hipkins but Donald Trump.”
Bridge then goes into an idiot’s guide to the current situation in the US, by which I don’t mean it’s easy for a layperson to understand but that it reads like it has, in fact, been written by an idiot.
“The US economy is built like a brick s***house”, declares Bridge, showing that he knows even less about economics than he does about politics.
A house of cards might be a better description, Ryan, and there’s a strong wind blowing at present. Which is just as well because the only thing that matches your description is the act Trump is performing on the world economy.
Bridge then downplays talk of a leadership challenge, saying:
“Talk Luxon will be rolled is naff. MPs I’ve spoken to are a bit jittery and nervous off the back of a few poll numbers and some vibes — but nobody’s foolish enough yet to think changing horses midstream will fix the problem.”
That’s how these things work, Ryan. Right up until the leader gets knifed, those around him nod and insist he has their support, 110% - even as they’re sharpening the blade.
“Changing leaders screams chaos and undermines one of the most compelling arguments the right has against a left-leaning Government — stability.”
This is just silly. The last government we had, Labour, with support from the Greens, was very stable; this one we see now, on the other hand?
There is a myth that right-wing parties are more “stable” because they say they are. It’s similar to their boasts of being good economic managers. Somehow, these claims become the perceived wisdom, aided by those like Ryan, who propagate them regardless of whether they stand up to scrutiny.
If there is one common factor of instability in NZ coalition governments, it is neither left nor right but Winston Peters. And right now, he is all National's problem.
Bridge ends by saying:
“There’ll be no bloody coups back home while Luxon’s Everything Must Go salesman tour continues in India this week.
Daddy’s very busy with work, actually, and he’ll be in the job a while yet.”
My apologies; I hope you weren’t eating.
There is something really quite revolting about Bridge referring to Christopher Luxon as “Daddy”. I assumed, if anything, Ryan was the love child of Mike Hosking, whose chair he must be desperate to take to be this sycophantic.
Having one of our largest media organisations referring to Luxon as Daddy - sure ain’t subtle, guys. Now, I guess we wait to see if it is a sign of things to come or just a reminder of how far they’ve already fallen.
Nick’s Kōrero exists to counter the spin we see from those like Ryan Bridge and NZME. Billionaires may fund them, but your paid subscription to this newsletter allows me to highlight what they’re actually saying—because it matters.
There is no way a newsletter about Ryan Bridges deserves a song this lovely. I suggest having a tissue handy; you might need one. Here’s Coldplay with Daddy.
Have a good day, all of you lovely people. ❤️
Ryan Bridge is nauseating in his sycophancy, he’s never been credible imo.
The Herald has lost most of the writers that appealed to me, Diana Wichtel and most recently Steve Braunias. If Simon Wilson goes that will be the final straw.
Excellent read, Nick.
Thanks for a great piece. Once upon a time the Herald was a quality newspaper. We got it in our household when I was growing up and I enjoyed keeping up to date with NZ and international news. How times have changed.
It’s positively nauseating to read Luxon called Daddy. It’s as bad as the Fox News sycophants calling Trump this when he first won the election as well as their House Speaker. So gross!
There always has to be a dig at Ardern as well. Also positively nauseating.
How did this piece even get past the editors? Talk about the ick factor. The dumbing down of media is continuing, that’s for sure. Can we please have something a little more intellectual? Please?