Happy Halloween - Bah humbug!
I am a Halloween grinch. I’m not plotting to spoil it for the children, but I am the old guy from another generation shaking his fist saying "We don't have Halloween in this country, this isn't America - what next? Thanksgiving?"
Last year was perfect for a Halloween Grinch, there were no pesky neighbourhood children showing up at the door demanding your treat supply. They were all safely home in lock-down, it was only the members of your own family you had to watch.
It is of course a difficult tradition not to like - it's all about candy. There, there it is, you see the insidious sweeping arm of American cultural supremacy spreading across the globe like Communism did in cartoon propaganda movies from the fifties. Candy!
It’s not Candy - they’re Lollies! Nope not sweets either, the English should probably keep quiet while we’re considering the dubious recognition of other people’s traditions here in Aotearoa.
Halloween or Hallowe'en (a contraction of “All Hallows' even", evening), is a celebration observed in many countries on 31 October, the eve of the Western Christian feast of All Hallows' Day. It begins the observance of Allhallowtide, the time in the liturgical year dedicated to remembering the dead, including saints (hallows), martyrs, and all the departed.
Mmm nothing much in there about candy, which is pretty weird. Halloween without candy, that’d be like celebrating the resurrection of our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ without chocolate eggs - sacrilege.
But despite the historical tradition in the definition Halloween is all about lollies and kids dressing up to scare people - right? Then why are the young adults dressing up as hookers? Don't get me wrong, I'm not suggesting the kids should be - it’s not that sort of church ritual.
We do religious holidays, Christmas and Easter - a lot of Kiwis used to be Christian. I don't mean current Kiwis, that a lot of them found themselves in corners losing their religion. I'm talking about ex-Kiwis that were religious. Ex-Kiwis who haven't gone to live somewhere else. Those we should be remembering tonight.
We've still got Guy Fawkes, for the moment. Yeah that one is a bit dubious celebrating religious difference and the terrible murder of a freedom fighter/terrorist more than four hundred years ago on the other side of the world - which at least makes it a bit more current than the Jesus ones.
But we love burning things and blowing stuff up and it pairs well with the Kiwi pastime of getting pissed. Guy Fawkes was a lot bigger when I was a kid we had Sky Rockets and Double Happys, plus of course there were no drink driving laws so it was a lot easier for families to socialise together.
On the bright side it is only a week until we can forget about Halloween and moan about celebrating Guy Fawkes on the 5th, when we should be recognising Parihaka. Months of “why are those kids letting of fireworks at 8am on a Tuesday - it’s daylight for goodness sake”.
We have those Black Friday sales here now, that revolting seasonal celebration of crass consumerism where people are so desperate for a bargain they end up fighting each other over crap that will soon be in a landfill. Before you get too excited, the whole fighting thing is still only in America - it always takes us a while to fully adopt new traditions.
I get the horror aspect of Halloween, zombies and skeletons, ghosts and ghouls, a millennia old human fear of things that go boo in the night, and the human delight at being afraid of them. But nowadays you’ve got kids dressed as Harry Potter or whatever Power Rangers are called today, thrusting out their sticky paws with the threat of “Heart Attack or Diabetes”, sorry, I mean “Trick or Treat”.
If you think that last bit was a bit fatist, I think that’s a word now, it’s still ok to make jokes about fat people. Fat people and stupid people, they’re right up one end of the acceptability scale of people you can mock. If you can find someone who is also male and white - you sir are away. Throw in Ginger and you have the holy grail.
When I was a kid Halloween didn’t exist in New Zealand, like it hadn’t actually been invented. Sometime between then and when I had kids it slipped into the country. I’m guessing it came in on American television, something like Full House. Like the plague entering a walled city, coming in on a flea on the back of a rat.
So from then on you had to put out a balloon if you were taking part, and it wasn’t too long with humans being what we are before those with fewer scruples worked out where the best streets to go were.
There were Halloween parties and of course taking the little ones around door to door to collect the neighbours goodies. It wasn’t that commercial, most of the costumes were homemade from whatever was available. Children of today block your ears - some of the ‘treats’ were even homemade!
More recently of course there is a whole chain of stores that sell nothing but plastic, single use, non-biodegradable costumes. Like a theme park to man’s inhumanity to scare Greenies. I am of course talking about Look Sharp, not the national treasure that is the Warehouse or as it is lovingly referred to “the Ware Whare”. Although the good folks over at Wikipedia certainly fingered them as the culprit:
Trick-or-treat has become increasingly popular with minors in New Zealand over the years, despite being not a "British or Kiwi event" that purely is only influenced by American globalisation. Critics of Halloween in New Zealand believe that commercialisation of Halloween by the popular store The Warehouse has pushed the popularity of Halloween into an unofficial national holiday
When my kids were little we used to sing the theme tune as we parked in the car park “The Warehouse, The Warehouse, where everyone gets some cheap junk”, it was up there with other odes to consumerism like “I don’t want to go to KFC cos I don’t want to eat rat”. The children seem to have turned out ok.
Still, even with cheap, disposable costumes easily available there will still be a group of teenagers show up at the door. A little old for trick or treating, looking a little glassy eyed who have gone to all the effort of wearing a hat or putting plastic flowers around their neck.
And so you give them their ill gotten gains as they giggle, in the spirit of - let’s not be pissing off the local hooligans on a non-sugar related high with a license apparently to play tricks on whomever they wish.
Sadly of course Halloween this year will forever be associated with the terrible events in Korea this weekend with so many people who were out having fun, and celebrating after gathering restrictions ended, losing their lives.
It is hard when confronted with such wretched tragedy befalling these young people who were full of excitement and joy to remain a Grinch.
I hope the kids with their wands, the young ladies with their heels and handbags, and the young fellas having a laugh with their mates, have a good night and come home safe with lots of candy.
One day, many years from now, perhaps on July the fourth, it will be their turn to say... Bah Humbug.
I grew up listening to the Dead Kennedys, absolutely loved them. Their drummer D. H. Peligro died yesterday from a head injury after an accidental fall, at just 63. Here is their song “Halloween”:
😁 My sentiments exactly plus I deprived my kids of partaking during their growing years in the 90s and early 2000s because we were in the midst of a mainstream church going phase. I see though that my mokos are joining in so the parents of today are feeling the social pressure. I really struggle to think of anything really positive and uplifting about it all. Think I'll just stay in my happy Grinch mode!
Love this rant! Absolutely agree. Each year I buy lollies but no-one comes round here any more (kids all grown up), so I end up eating them myself. I feel nothing for this occasion. Just wish we could remember the dead in more positive ways.