If You Have To Ask.

He's not my kinda guy.

A wannabe gangster thinkin' he's a wise guy
Rob another bank, he's a sock 'em in the eye guy
Tank head, Mr. Bonnie and Clyde guy
Look him in the eye, he's not my kinda guy…

There are a few things that I really don't understand about Christopher Luxon.

For example, what is it with the jackets? Seriously? Are they supposed to make us forget how few women there are in his caucus?

To be fair the shoulder pads are much smaller than the ones Hosking wears, but overall the sizing is very aspirational. Even after all the weight-loss he experienced when Nicola revealed her tax “plan”. Was he imagining his arms would shrink?

And what the hell is it with the man and his thumb? He looks absolutely besotted here, as he often does. I get serious Dr Evil/Mini Me vibes. Something else I don’t understand is his excessive self-confidence when it comes to politics.

That anyone could have observed his performance during his maiden term in parliament, and thought he was ready for leadership, is unfathomable. That Luxon thought after only one term in parliament he could reunite the warring houses of Peters and Seymour, and out negotiate people with vastly more political experience, was hard to believe.

Did he really think he could just rock up saying “I’m the guy in charge of Mergers and Acquisitions”, and ask Winston which he’d prefer? That’s downright delusional.

In pretty much any other situation you’d look at Shane Jones on One News last night, babbling nonsense, singing songs, saying he wanted “to see the government like a V8, a Mustang, we’re not coming on a blimmin bike”, and you’d think it was the Court Jester. The reality is the way this is going Jones looks like the adult in the room!

Mind you if they were all adults they’d probably have been able to actually get together in a room.

Don’t you think that’s incredible? That a month after the election the three party leaders, who will govern this country, haven’t even been able to get together in a room.

So how were things going?

Well David Seymour looked like he’d been in a fight, and it didn’t look like he’d won. His comment on progress suggested a concussion, and it sounded like he didn’t know if he was coming or going. He described it as “a bit like swimming in the ocean, you’re stroking away, and you’re not quite at your destination yet”. I wasn’t quite sure what David meant, perhaps it was about the need to massage Winston’s ego?

Next up was Jenny Marcroft, fifth on the NZF list, who said “it’s really important to iron out the wrinkles before you put the clothes on”. I guess it beats the alternative.

Actually I’d always wondered who the tags in clothing, advising that they not be worn while ironing, were aimed at. So probably a good message for Jenny to reiterate to New Zealand First voters.

I don’t mean the old school anti-immigrant ones, I’m talking about the bandwagon jumpers. Those who came on board during Covid, as a safe haven from politicians aligning themselves with medical science.

The phrase “folding fitted sheets” came to mind. Perhaps that was one of NZF’s bottom lines? That Seymour had to fold 50 fitted sheets before he was allowed in the room - with no help from Brooke.