I'm not a cynic.

My glass just has no water in it, today.

I'm just bein' realistic, bein' honest with myself
I've tried bein' optimistic but it doesn't seem to help
So I'll just have to admit this is the hand that I've been dealt
I'm not bein' pessimistic, just bein' honest with myself

I remember a family outing at lake Rotoiti, near Rotorua. It always felt a cold and sombre body of water. Each of the lakes in the area has its own character.

The Blue and Green lakes, the former for fun and swimming, the latter tapu - forbidden. Far flung Ōkataina for school camps, or Ōkāreka where my parents lived while waiting for my sister Juliette to arrive.

Little Rotoehu where poets go to cultivate their muse. A dreadlocked man there once taught me a song on the guitar, which I’d just started learning. He’d written it that morning to serenade his lover, it requested that he be permitted to perform one act of affection, rather than another, on account of the cold.

As my uncle and I walked back to the car around the side of Rotoiti we were discussing something in the news. He told me, after what I assume was some dark declaration on the matter, that I was too cynical. I don’t remember anything else that was said, I was just a cheeky kid, but all these decades later that has stuck in my mind as being a curious thing to say.

Too cynical.

I guess I can be that way. Not in a glass half empty way, I try and see the best in a situation - well, sometimes. But a natural cynicism is surely a good thing. We should question things, not take them at face value.

The claims of politicians - are cause for cynicism, regardless of side. But should we be less cynical?

For example the Prime Minister claimed tenants would love the changes he has made. To be fair that three billion dollar bonus to property investors only kicked in last week, it could be that we’re about to hear hundred of stories of landlords lowering rents for tenants. Are you holding your breath?

See - you’re pretty cynical too 😉

I'm not a cynic, oh, today's just not my day
I've tried to spin it 'bout a thousand different ways
But from every angle, oh, the outlook is the same
I swear that I'm not a cynic, my glass just has no water in it today

How about the angle taken by the media? Are they highlighting a particular aspect to get more clicks, or is there a more insidious driver? If we’re not being too cynical, perhaps it’s just a coincidence that their cynicism often seems to match the preferred editorial position of their sponsors. Alas poor Granny, we knew her well.

What about scientists?

Say for example their claims about vaccines, or moon landings? Which foods are safe to eat, or which brands of cigarettes gives dogs cancer faster? Should we be cynical about those things?

Maybe not. Probably best to think of the scientific community as people who act as cynics on our behalf. Questioning and verifying claims more effectively than a troll on the internet responding with a hee-haw emoji to things they don’t understand.

What about the claims of corporations that they’re developing AI to help humanity? The machines are just coming to help us, not make us redundant?

Oh hell no! As Jon Stewart highlights in this clip from yesterday:

Hope you like making toast people. Perhaps AI could come up with a machine that can toast a slice of Vogels in a sensible amount of time?

OK so maybe I’m a little bit cynical about some things, and surprisingly impatient with common household appliances, truth be told. But the things that I’ve described are not the worst of cynicism. They’re merely a natural defense against the unknown, against claims that are probably bullshit.

What is so much worse are the people who are cynical of others. Who think the worst of people by default, rather than giving them the benefit of the doubt. Much less, assuming that most people are in fact pretty decent and mean you no harm.

So for example when it comes to people on welfare most of us on the left are less cynical, others might say naïve. We generally believe that most people on welfare need it, they’re doing it tough, and actually need a little more to make their quality of life better than almost surviving.

We’re not idiots we know some will rort the system. But you don’t treat the whole group as criminals for the possible actions of the few.

Here’s my favourite British politician, Tony Benn, speaking with Ali G on this from a while back.

Those on the right are more cynical so we see regular initiatives from governments they’ve elected to crack down on those on welfare. To make things as difficult as possible, and to assume that everyone is cheating the system.

These crackdown measures don’t necessarily reduce the welfare bill, the overhead of all that extra monitoring and threatening probably increases the cost. But that’s not the point, this is about taking actions that appeal to voters. They’ve done all right, worked hard, provided for their families, why can’t everyone else?

You only get that which you're given, it's not always up to you
Not every Sunday is a picnic 'cause the sky ain't always blue
You can't just change the weather by changing your point of view
Some days you have to wait until the storm just passes through

On the other hand those on the right probably see business people positively. They create jobs, work hard, and produce things of value. Where we on the left might be more cynical, seeing that many offer products designed to fail after a short period so they can be replaced.

That those running businesses often want to do the least they legally can to pay and look after workers, while making exorbitant amounts of money far exceeding their actual contribution. Some of us are just a bit cynical that anyone should earn a hundred times what someone else does, or of companies that will make people redundant while making a profit, in order to bolster bonuses.

As an aside, there’s a John Lennon quote I remember reading as a kid in which he described avant garde as being French for bullshit. Funny the quotes that stay with you. In my opinion entrepreneur is french for self important asshole. If you’ve met many people that discuss themselves thus you might also share that cynicism.

That’s an awful lot of money for one person don’t you think? The chap who makes $8.42m is Ebos chief executive John Cullity, who recorded the largest remuneration package in the history of the Herald’s survey.

Based on job advertisements last year the average salary offered in NZ was about $70,000. Mr Cullity is making the equivalent of 120 times that.

I’m not sure if it’s more cynical to question whether that is fair or right, or not to. Thinking about it, the people that think that’s just fine are far more cynical than those questioning whether one person’s work is worth the same as that of 120 others.

Times are apparently tough, yet there were a record 25 CEOs receiving at least $2m in 2023. Are they really worth the money?

How about the fourth placed CEO on the list, Ross Taylor of Fletcher Building? Fletchers made a net loss of $120 million in the first half of its current financial year, and investors have lost 26% of their money over the last three years. So just imagine how much CEO Ross Taylor would've been paid if they were actually making money!

It’s easy to be cynical about the policies of the new government. About boot camps and charter schools and whether they’re only being done so someone can make money, or to appeal to the mob. But I suppose somewhere out there people exist who believe these things will work. I hope they’re right, but because I’m so cynical I also hope they’re not involved in too much decision making.

We’re all cynical by nature, look at the last election. The parties that won didn’t play to hopes and dreams but to fear and uncertainty. You can’t trust the other lot, trust us, just don’t ask why.

Now look. Crime remains out of control, so too the cost of living and of housing. Nothing has improved, and other than property investors everyone is worse off.

Meanwhile the Hosk and the Luxonator sat around yesterday discussing which of them is the bigger… country music fan.

Image: NZ Herald (Granny).

The Prime Minister appeared on Mike’s show just after announcing his plan for the next hundred days. The voice of the right asked the tough questions right from the get go.

But it wasn’t “show me the money, where’s my tax cut?”, or even “how come crime looks like it’s getting worse, didn’t Mark Mitchell tell people to just stop it?” No, Mike hit him hard with the question that the nation demanded answering - “Have you heard Beyonce’s new album?”

We actually get beyond being cynical.

When it comes to this government many of us on the left are long past that. We don’t suspect that maybe the coalition is favoring the wealthy over the poor, or that they have no regard for the environment. That they are rushing things through under urgency to avoid scrutiny. We can see it happening, right in bloody front of us.

But it’s the outright lies that are so damaging. Like saying tax breaks to landlords will be passed on to tenants. No they won’t. Nobody believes that, and yet they keep on saying it.

Or that we can afford tax cuts, or that spending by this government will magically not be inflationary. That austerity is good for the nation and not just the few. That the trickle down will reach those at the bottom.

These things are so clearly false, the people saying them appear so idiotic and dishonest, that we’ve reached the point where we’re cynical about each and every thing they have to say.

As the old joke goes, if Christopher Luxon told me it was sunny outside - I’d take an umbrella.

So like a boat on the ocean, I'll rock with the waves
God, I'm so sick of this notion that I have to fake
Fake my emotions and pretend I'm okay
So like a boat on the ocean, I'll just rock with the waves

Being cynical means doubting someone’s intent, questioning whether their motivation is as claimed. Perhaps I am not in fact being cynical, but simply realistic.

When it come to people that prefer not to question things - that’s when I’m really cynical - and so should you be.

If anyone says Nicola Willis has things under control, or that Christopher Luxon is looking out for all New Zealanders - it’s only natural that you would be very, very cynical indeed.