Let's Make Things Better
I'll play the blues for you.
If you're down and out and you feel really hurt
Come on over to the place where I work
And all your loneliness, I'll try to soothe
I'll play the blues for you
Lyrics: Albert King.
Often, in these newsletters, I tell you about what is wrong. You know the sort of thing - oh my god, did you see [INSERT LATEST GOVERNMENT CALAMITY HERE] this week - it’s terrible. Let’s all run about wailing and gnashing with perhaps even a bit of fist-shaking.
I vent, you reel in horror, and we all agree that something ought to be done to vote the buggers out if only the other half of the country weren’t all idiots. Then we all come back tomorrow for something else.
Fast forward six or nine years, and we change sides. The offensive and defensive lineups trade places, like in that funny American game. The other lot gets a chance to complain, and we change our tune from “The sky is falling” to “We don’t know how lucky we are”.
Today, I think I’ll try to come up with constructive solutions rather than just criticism. I should say that I haven’t thought this through at all. It seems like a good idea, but it might be a disaster - what if there are no easy answers?
Fortunately, although I haven’t chosen any yet, I can cherry-pick the articles and avoid anything impossible to solve - like restoring Tama Potaka’s mana - yeah right!
Okay, let’s get started…
Hosking Hates the Haka.
The Hosk turned his sights on the haka in his latest rant, rating it a puny 6/10. Boo hiss, you say, how unpatriotic, but wait, there’s more.
This came about as one of the England front rowers took a break from thinking about when his long-term head injuries would kick in to have a whinge about the pre-match performance of the haka. Being the sensitive wee souls that many Kiwis are, some did express outrage, as if the pondering of a pommie scrum machine was important.
Climbing aboard the bandwagon to stoke things further, the Hosk took the contrarian position. Perhaps concerned that the public lacked sufficient reasons that week to knee him in the bollocks. As you probably know, some fears are not founded on rationality.
Mike said of our traditional challenge, “By the time we show up, sing the national anthem twice and then the haka; that's a lot of indulgence asked for, isn't it?”
Hosking is concerned about any delays caused and isn’t simply jumping on board something with anti-Māori undertones just because his listeners love it when he does that. Well, Mike - if that all takes too long, here is the answer - let’s eliminate one of the three - the least inspiring one.
Some of you are ahead of me already.
It’s not the anthem in te reo - no, that is distinctly NZ and brings great pride to those who genuinely care about our country. It certainly isn’t the haka - that new one in particular sends shivers down the spine - people love it. No, the one that has to go is the English version of the anthem, a dull, uninspiring dirge irrelevant to secular Aotearoa in the 21st century.
See how easy this is - nice one, Mike.
Parts of the US are worse than a war zone.
As the American election hurtles towards some sort of ending, nobody has been saying much about something really messed up that the rest of the world can see. It’s like mass brainwashing has left Americans unable to see the reality of having easy access to guns, poorly funded mental health services, and a culture of violence. Namely - a lot of dead people.
From the Washington Post via the NZ Herald, the article Gun death rates in some US states worse than conflict zones, study finds paints a grim picture, including the following:
Firearms deaths in Mississippi were nearly twice the rate of Haiti, an impoverished Caribbean nation where violent gangs control large swaths of the country.
Mississippi, Louisiana and Alabama also had higher firearms death rates than Mexico, where rival drug cartels are engaged in bloody conflict.
Montana’s death rate from guns was higher than in Colombia, where drug trafficking is rife.
Wyoming, Arizona, and Oklahoma are all ranked above Brazil.
Suburban New Jersey had a higher gun death rate than Nicaragua, Mali and Djibouti.
The US Surgeon General has declared gun violence a public health crisis - and I think therein lies the answer. Why not treat guns like cigarettes and hold the companies that make them responsible for the damage they cause?
Because these things aren’t designed to keep a home safe from intruders, they are designed for mass murder, and although I appreciate that holding those responsible for mass murder to account is out of fashion at present, it’s still a good idea.
There have been 24 mass killings with guns in the United States so far this year, on average one every fortnight. So, how do we make things better?
When Donald Trump railed about “shit hole” countries, including some of those with lower mortality rates from guns than America, he said he’d build a wall and get Mexico to pay for it. The idea was moronic, in the sense that only a moron would believe it, and yet perhaps Donald was onto something after all - maybe the Mexicans could help with America’s gun problem?
In 2021, the “Mexican government filed against seven U.S. gun manufacturers and one distributor that sought to hold them liable for the violence committed by drug cartels in the country. Mexico claimed gun dealers in the U.S. are the main source of guns used by the cartels, with as many as 597,000 of their firearms trafficked into Mexico every year. Nearly half of all guns recovered at Mexican crime scenes are made by the companies named in the suit, lawyers said.”
So, how has the US responded? Did they say - “that’s a bloody good idea; let’s hold these death mongers who profit from all this killing responsible”? Not exactly.
No, rather than use the opportunity to look at their horrific gun crime, the US Supreme Court has joined arms with the gun-makers to stand up for their god-given right to profit from death. Can I get a yee-haw?
“The gun industry is asking the Supreme Court to reverse that decision, warning that it could open the door to a flood of lawsuits from other foreign and U.S. governmental entities seeking to hold the firearms industry accountable for the violence perpetrated by users of their weapons.”
Ok, so here is the answer I have in mind…
Kamala wins the election
She stacks the Supreme Court with judges willing to do their job and not just rubber stamp whatever the Republicans want.
She asks Mexico to continue suing the gun companies - and here’s the kicker - she says America will pay for it.
They lock up the CEOs of all the gun companies on the basis that if they’re going to lock up drug lords, they ought to be doing the same with firearm tzars.
I appreciate there is a slim possibility of this particular solution being enacted. Still, we’re also unlikely to get rid of the English version of the National Anthem - and none of you complained that that was preposterous. Besides, doing something about guns is getting more urgent by the day…
Yeah, that’s the guy who half the country wants to elect as President, advocating that guns be trained on Liz Cheney, daughter of Dick, for having the audacity not to support him.
Just another day on the election trail. If Americans don’t elect that guy, it will be a whole lot better than if they do - but either way, they’ll never do anything about guns.
Not unless they pay Mexico to do it.
One year on, still no ferry plan.
Nicola Willis cancelled the deal for the new ferries a year ago, saying we couldn’t afford both them and her tax cuts. It seemed to be a straightforward enough decision, but it was one that she got wrong.
There are substantial penalty costs incurred, with reports of between half and one billion dollars being pissed up against the wall as a result. Twelve months later, no solution has been identified other than a throwaway line about using second-hand corollas instead.
Green Party Transport spokesperson Julie Anne Genter called the cancellation “reckless and irresponsible and not in the long-term interests of our country”.
Some humble pie would seem to be in order; this is how I think Nicola could rectify the problem:
Apologise to the nation for wasting so much money and delaying the arrival of this urgently needed infrastructure.
Roll back the $3b tax breaks that landlords have had restored, which we can’t afford. Use the money to buy the original ferries and give the rest to the health sector.
Apologise to Grant Robertson and say that she accepts he was an economic genius who balanced the people's needs with the necessity of sound financial stewardship in a way she is incapable of doing.
Resign, committing to never standing for office again after blowing as much as a billion dollars on an inept knee-jerk reaction, and suggest that a new election be held as no one else in the coalition has the aptitude for the role either.
To be clear, I’m not saying that is what I think will happen, but I think the situation would be a lot better if it did.
Do you have any ideas for improving things? If you do, please share them in the comments.
Something to help young Simeon discover the joys of travelling by public transport, Dr Shane learn that cigarettes are bad for you, or maybe help David Seymour become warm-blooded—appreciating that might be dangerous for him, what with his deputy…
How do you think we could make things better?
I have found over time that free articles attract few paid subscriptions. Still, I have faith in humanity, and I’m sure some of you kind souls will choose to subscribe today simply because you enjoy reading this newsletter and wish to support it, and not because you’re unable to do so if you don’t.
It’s a good theory; let’s see how it goes. As this is open to all, you’re most welcome to share it. Have a good one, all of you lovely people. 🙂
Isn't it time that we got rid of the myth that Tories are good money managers? This lot has recklessly spent the country's income on baubles like tax cuts for the rich and the landlord tax rebate and find the purse is empty when it comes to feeding the children and paying for healthcare. If this was a household, you'd be sending them to budget management classes. 🤔
Hilarious and informative - Thanks Nick. Strange how little we hear from the deputy leader of Act. I guess only being able to come out at nighttime does cramp one’s style a bit… 😉