Libertarian Jesus

Hallelujah, and pass the tax cuts.

Now I've heard there was a secret chord
That David played, and it pleased the Lord
But you don't really care for music, do you?
It goes like this, the fourth, the fifth
The minor falls, the major lifts
The baffled king composing Hallelujah

Songwriter: Leonard Cohen

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I always thought the lyrics of that great song by Mr Cohen must appear strange if you’ve never learned much about music. The fourth, the fifth, what does it all mean?

If you think of a musical scale, imagine the one in the Sound of Music: Do, Re, Mi, Fa, Sol, La, and Si. Those are the notes that can be used to form a chord. A basic chord comprises the first, third, and fifth notes, to which we can add other notes to produce a different quality or mood.

For example, the fourth, referred to in the song, produces a somewhat jarring, almost discordant sound, as in the song April Sun in Cuba by Dragon, where the guitar switches between A and A4. Or the first chord of A Hard Day’s Night by the Beatles that creates that distinctive opening clang.

I’m not sure about David's secret chord; it’s probably something diminished, a tense blend of lowered third and lowered fifth - you won’t find many of these in pop music. They make people feel awkward, so they’re usually left to jazz and detective stakeouts.

According to the lyrics, young David has the secret sauce that pleases the Lord. This must have left his son, God’s lad I mean, I’m not suggesting Seymour has a hidden lovechild, feeling positively towards ACT. The political preferences of our parents are a great influence on us all.

Or so says Seymour.

Image: NZ Herald with a little help from BeFunky.

Yesterday, David announced that his party will stand candidates in the local body elections on a platform of reducing wasteful spending.

This was a distraction from his school lunch debacle, which has, in fact, resulted in considerable wasteful spending with the production of less-than-edible, straight-to-landfill waste.

By the way, if you’re waiting for a joke about loaves and fishes, I already made one a few newsletters back. Bit of a shame, anyway, back to the big announcement.

Seymour said that his party wouldn’t endorse a mayor, although he did say “never say never”, or in other words, “don’t necessarily hold me to what I’m saying”.

He suggested that if a certain bearded bloke reputed to be the son of god were to stand, he might make an exception. Specifically:

“If Jesus comes back and says I want to stand for Auckland [or] for mayor of Wellington, we might say, ‘buddy, with that hair and beard, how could we not endorse you’.”

Personally, I’m a little sceptical. I met David last year, and I have quite long hair and a beard. Although our conversation wasn’t particularly memorable, I believe I would’ve remembered if he’d offered to endorse me as the next Mayor of Auckland.

I’m not saying I would’ve accepted, even if I wanted to be the mayor, just that it would be something I remembered.

One of the journalists present asked if Jesus would support Act, to which Seymour replied: “You know what, I believe that Jesus very well might support Act from what I know about him. Jesus believes that each person has inherent dignity.”

He also said, “In many respects, the underlying teachings of Jesus and the Act Party overlap.”

So, in David’s mind, the figure known as Jesus Christ was not, in fact, the empathetic socialist as portrayed but, in fact, a hardline capitalist who believes in survival of the fittest, in other words - Libertarian Jesus. Well, Hallelujah, and pass the tax cuts.

Jesus, being an ACT supporter, probably came as news to many of the clergy, especially the four hundred and forty Christian leaders who signed an open letter opposing Seymour’s Treaty Principles Bill last September.

For example, Baptist pastor Helen Brereton said, “As a religious person and a religious leader, I decry efforts to undermine Te Tiriti and support any efforts that promote the furtherance of genuine, life-affirming, and mutually beneficial biculturalism in our nation.”

David was pretty angry about that and said it wasn’t the first time the church had tried to prevent people from having a say on one of his policies.

That was in reference to his End-of-Life Choice bill. While I can understand his annoyance on that occasion, he also showed his true character with the following spiteful remark directed at those earthly representatives of his good pal Jesus:

“If you wonder why church attendance and reported Christianity is in decline in New Zealand, today's display of church leaders abandoning a core, if not the core, Christian belief to play politics might be a clue.”

Meow.

You might also be wondering whether the long-haired son of god was a bit annoyed by Seymour’s attempts to cancel Easter Trading restrictions.

Not to worry. Libertarian Jesus isn’t very keen on rest days, not even those in recognition of his own execution and resurrection, strangely, but he gives a big thumbs-up to a bit of retail therapy. I’d say Jesus wept, but it doesn’t sound like he did.

Religious Votes

Is this the new battleground on the right for votes? They’ve appealed to the anti-Māori jerks who go into spasms if anyone says Aotearoa, they’ve bent over backwards to appeal to the gun nuts. They’ve even hired the previous head of Federated Farmers - formerly National territory through and through, so what now?

The pseudo-Christian vote? People who see a church more as an old boys’ club to be seen at than somewhere messages are listened to.

Sorry, I’ve probably expounded enough on my views of Tory voting Christians for an atheist, but the hypocrisy bugs me, and it was kind of unavoidable, given the topic.

Please understand I don’t wish to mock those with beliefs; I actually think the messages in most religions are pretty positive; the supernatural side is just not for me, but if it works for you, all power to you. As the old life counter ticks ever forward, I’m kind of jealous of the comfort that must bring if I’m honest, but you can’t trick yourself, eh? Not when it’s just you and God, and you’re the only one there.

This might surprise you, but I try to avoid offending people. Although I confess that I did wonder how many subscribers I would’ve lost if I’d made the cover of this newsletter, Seymour on a Cross, but decided that, on balance, perhaps it wasn’t a good idea to find out.

I appreciate that quite a few of you might have enjoyed that, but like a certain word that could’ve been used most effectively in this column, it’s better to go with an alternative. Like this one. Thanks, David - not Mr Seymour, the kind chap who made the image, and the one at the end:

A Messiah in his own Mind

If I asked you, independently of this particular newsletter, which of our parliamentarians had a bit of a god complex, I suspect you might answer Seymour.

Let’s be honest: David isn’t a follower. A disciple of Ayn Rand, no doubt, but Seymour is a leader, if only in his own mind.

While he might imagine improbable figures supporting ACT, I suspect his greatest delusion is his own divinity. Something he seems confident in, even if it eludes the rest of us. David believes he’s the chosen one, and that’s how he conducts himself.

As you might imagine, I received several suggestions to fill the gap with, and although many weren’t particularly polite they did demonstrate an impressive vocabulary.

On the one hand, David doesn't like sharing and love, but his party has a history of protecting sex abusers and they don’t like paying taxes, so not entirely incompatible with organised religion. Actually, now that I think of it, has anyone seen Seymour and Brian Tamaki in the same room simultaneously?

David does possess the traits we associate with Jesus; it’s just that he takes the opposite position on all of them. From the perspective of Christianity, he is somewhat less a messiah and rather more a Judas.

Meanwhile, in India, where we’re getting the Free Trade Agreement you get if you’re happy to exclude your major exports, Christopher Luxon has been seeking the path to enlightenment.

He’s been getting spiritual. By this, I hope he’s at least bought the poor saps; I mean - business leaders; he’s been dragging around the sub-continent for photo ops a very stiff gin. For the Quinine.

Although I’m teetotal these days, in fact, it’s three and half years to the day. I can still appreciate that a couple of days of Luxon’s Magical Mystery Tour in search of a purpose might lead one to drink. Perhaps a Lassi might be a healthier, more enlightening option - depending on the ingredients?

Erm, I hate to tell you this, Lux, but I don’t think there are many Buddhists in India - you didn’t consider dressing as one of the Hindu gods? It’s probably best not to; people can be quite sensitive about religion.

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I’ll leave it there for today. I did put a paywall on this one, but I figured it would probably get a fair few likes, and I’d end up opening it up, so why annoy people?

I don’t want folks to subscribe because of paywalls; I’d really like you to subscribe because you enjoy my writing, and it’s worth a couple of dollars a week to you.

Following the recent survey many of you took part in, I’ve decided to make the Gold Card special available to everyone. Given that the majority are eligible and times are tough for all, anyone who would like to subscribe is welcome to use the 20% discount, which makes it $8 per month or $80 per year for as long as you subscribe.

I received a few suggestions for the end music for today’s newsletter in response to a post I made.

Personal Jesus by Depeche Mode was a popular pick and I quite liked Stairway to Heaven, because I’m sure if it were possible to purchase a ticket David would be going first class, although a few of you suggested he might be going someplace else, in fact, some seemed quite impatient for him to get there.

There are many great versions of Hallelujah, and I’m sure someone will be unhappy with this cover, but give it a go; a little funk can’t be bad. I reckon it’s pretty good.

As for Seymour and his delusions of Christ, he can funk right off.

Have a good one all you lovely people, I’m really hoping the next newsletter has nothing about Seymour or religion - and I imagine some of you are too. 🙂