No one cares!!!!!

Who cares about the daily information on Covid cases?

Me - yep. You? Probably, I doubt you’d be reading this if not.

To be fair I don’t follow it as closely as I used to. There was a time when we all tuned in to the daily briefing to hear what the news was  - how many new cases, how many in hospital, and sadly how many had died.

These days we might glance at the headline, perhaps observe whether the number is going up or down and move on, but we wouldn’t comment “No one Cares!!!!!”

Firstly, obviously we care, and we probably assume everyone else does. Secondly if we were genuinely asking for some weird reason we’d use a question mark - you know “does anyone care?”

But you know where you are with “No one cares!!!!!” Not a wishy-washy “I don’t care!” or an uncertain “who cares?” But a very clear assertion that NO ONE cares. Which is patently bollocks as hundreds of thousands of us do.

Michell of Whanganui commented exactly that on the article providing the update yesterday - “No one cares!!!!!” Not only that but his comment was then liked by 49 people. People that were so uninterested in the Covid update that they stopped to read the comments and interact with them.

I replied to Mitchell saying “Five exclamation marks is a lot to use for something you don't care about. Like, if you were describing people with cancer and saying how you didn't care about that how many exclamation marks do you reckon you'd use?”

Mitchell didn’t respond, no doubt he was off somewhere else commenting about how he didn’t care about whatever that thing was - perhaps the terrible murders in Canada or events of the day in the Ukraine.

Imagine if the whole of the species took the approach of just not caring about things, not being inquisitive enough to even want to know. I suspect if we were a bit more like Mitchell we’d all be a lot happier and a lot wetter.

Wetter?

Yeah, if we all took Mitchell’s level of interest in things I suspect we’d still be in the oceans not having had sufficient interest to make the effort to crawl ourselves out from the water and onto Terra Firma. Perhaps we’d be happier there?

So what of these 49 people who liked Mitchell’s thoughtful proposition? Those who presumably don’t not care enough to make a statement about it, but sufficiently to give him the thumbs up.

Well there is Maxine, a nurse from Nelson. Let’s be hoping that when you’re in pain in hospital in Nelson and you ring the buzzer you don’t get Maxine, because you know what she is going to say if you tell her it hurts - “No one cares!!!!!”

That might seem a harsh assessment of Nurse Ratched (not her real name) but really - isn’t caring about health matters as least “somewhat important” for trained medical staff? 

Maxine also has one of those profile pictures that says “I cannot stay at home, I’m a nurse”. Well, do you know what I’d have to say to that?

It isn’t “No one cares!!!!!”, it’s “Thank you”.

That is what I, and I’m sure you’d, have to say because a) our nurses have been incredible through COVID doing so much to care for people. And b) because we’re not freaking psychos.

The article wasn’t even about the PM, she who is loathed by those with a lack of caring. This was the Ministry of Health so I guess it’s not that Mitchell doesn’t like the PM, or her party, or government - perhaps he just doesn’t care about anything to do with the health sector?

Shonelle, Mitchell's wife, cares of course enough to give the "No one cares!!!!!” the big thumbs up - I bet Shonelle wishes she could give Mitchell five thumbs up for not caring. As she tells the girls - “he really just doesn't care, like really, a lot!”

It’s amazing when it comes down to it just what wisdom and insights into his character Mitchell can impart with just three words, those three little words Shonelle longs to hear… “No one cares!!!!!”

Imagine when the kids come charging into the lounge saying “the bedroom is on fire”. Mitchell gives Shonelle that special look he used to give her when they were first going out and says “No one cares!!!!!” Shonelle swoons and gives him a fist pump, in the background Fire Trucks can be heard…

Through out the lives of the children, graduating University (come on it’s possible) “No one cares!!!!!”, Grandchildren arrive… “No one cares!!!!!”, a successful organ transplant…“No one cares!!!!!”

“No one cares!!!!!” That is the sort of thing kids say in response when they are little - like eat your veges they're good for you.... Or don't huff on that glue or you'll end up giving the thumbs up to "No one cares!!!!!” comments…

But what is the point being made?

You don’t care about people with COVID, ok that’s a bit weird but must you yell it for the world to know? What do you say when you see the mass flooding and terrible impacts on people in Pakistan for example on the evening news - “Meh, what evs lolz!!!!!”?

It is the equivalent of people, usually men of about 60, saying in response to a post about a reasonably famous person under the age of 40 - “Who?”

Not because they want someone to explain it to them, not because they have necessarily genuinely not heard of the person, but because they think it makes them sound cool.

Mitchell has taken it one step further by parroting the overly confident call of younger males who say “who cares”, or “it’s just a flu” or “I’m going to use my natural immunity, this only affects old people”. Or what they’re actually saying - “here I am Darwin do your worst, you know you want to!!!!!”

But I’m sure he cares about the important stuff when it comes down to it. I can just see he and the little lady watching Mark Richardson sharing his words of wisdom on The Block as Mitchell yells “Now you’re talking!!!!!” and Shonelle grins enthusiastically with both thumbs up.

This type of behaviour isn’t limited to Mitchell and Shonelle of course, you will see idiotic comments on the COVID announcement every day. The real geniuses click the “Hee-Haw” laughing emoji response 😂 to express their lack of giving a crap about those afflicted.

I did notice that a high proportion of the thumbs up are from people in one of the main islands in New Zealand, almost like it was a comment negative about Maori. But I don’t want to generalise so I’ll leave it to you to guess which island.

If we were making such a comment as Mitchell we wouldn’t use an exclamation mark, that would just sound like an angry teenager rejecting the premise of being concerned for others.

We certainly wouldn’t use FIVE exclamation marks because not caring that much actually sounds surprisingly like you do care. Actually it makes you sound like you’ve clapped your hands over your ears and are yelling at the top of your voice “I CAN’T HEAR YOU!!!!!”

What people like Mitchell are really saying is a phrase we teach little children “stop it, I don’t like it”. Which is a useful thing for little ones to communicate, but when you say it as an adult - go on imagine Mitchell saying it in a really whiny voice, it isn’t hard - it sounds like a desperate plea.

Or maybe, just maybe, Mitchell is actually lamenting the lack of love and consideration of his fellows with a despondent “No one Cares!!!!!”.

Yeah, I don’t think so either.