Ready To Go?

Will Luxon’s media lessons stand up to a double grilling?

You're weird, in tears, too near and too far away
He said, saw red, went home, stayed in bed all day

Writers: Andrew Todd, Samantha Sprackling, Jonathan Male, Timothy Dorney.

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Poor Christopher, he thought he’d been so clever refusing to go on Q&A and get eviscerated by Jack Tame, but then Tova came back ready to go for the jugular, demanding responses to questions that he didn’t want to answer. Now, to top it all off, bloody John Campbell was back. “Marvellous” was not the word that Luxon thought of.

What would he get hammered on? The Cost of Living, the fuel situation, God forbid, not the bloody polls!

Any thoughts that the war in Iran would soon stop impacting world trade were wishful thinking.

First, Trump demanded that the Strait of Hormuz be opened; then he said he didn’t care and that it was up to others to clean up his mess. Then he threatened to annihilate an entire civilisation if he didn’t get what he wanted, but his partner, Netanyahu, who seems to have no interest in peace, just kept bombing. Killing hundreds in Lebanon with no clear objective, no present threat, and seemingly nobody fighting back, as the Israelis once again destroyed medical facilities while murdering innocent civilians and journalists.

With the peace plan that never had a chance in tatters, JD Vance has returned to Washington empty-handed. Now, Trump has decided that, even if some shipping might be possible, if America can’t have access, then neither can anyone else, like the dog in the manger; he will blockade the strait.

Trump orders the US Navy to block the Strait of Hormuz after Iran talks fail.

At the same time, ACT is luring away National Party candidates, even if they aren’t drawing much of a crowd in the polls or on the street.

Yesterday, David Seymour stood in the rain and realised he could have held his street-corner meeting at a cafe, at a single table for six.

David Seymour with a smattering of supporters. Photo: https://www.facebook.com/davidseymourACT/photos

Halina suggested, “Two of them are probably his staff.”

Weather enthusiast Paul said, “Oh, for a bolt of lightning right now.”

Heather pointed out, “Why would you hold a meeting outdoors during a cyclone? That’s just silly.”

Winston, on the other hand, is surging in the polls, prompting some to ask whether we might see a Prime Minister Peters, and making it hard to envisage any government being formed without his support, barring an implausible Grand Coalition of National and Labour.

So, as Christopher faces the media, it will be a real test of the training Rachel Smalley has been hired to deliver. Will we see an end to the term “bottom feeders,” only for it to be replaced with “a bunch of lardos”?

Breakfast.

Curiously, rather than Tova O’Brien, the Breakfast show had the PM interviewed by Chris Chang, as if Goldsmith had rung TVNZ to grunt at them again, suggesting they take it easy on his boy. It seemed very odd, given that Tova has presumably been hired to beef up what was a politically lightweight show, only to end up on the bench.

Christopher Luxon and Chris Chang. Image: TVNZ.

As you would expect, they started with Cyclone Vaianu, and Chang asked whether the response on the ground was where it needed to be.

It was good to hear the PM recognise the role of marae and iwi in his reply, even if it will have angered his coalition partners, but his words for NZers missed the point. He praised Kiwis for taking responsibility for their own households and families, at a time when we have seen communities rally together to care for one another.

So, initial thoughts, well done on dialling back the racism, but there is still work to do on caring for others.

Luxon said we’re getting better at responding to such events, and I have to say, seeing images of army trucks in the BOP on the news last night, I was glad to see them being proactive, but it’s still the bottom of the cliff. Our housing and infrastructure planning needs to reflect our new reality, but the coalition's main focus in those areas has been to stop housing intensification in Auckland's wealthier suburbs.

They moved to Trump’s blockade of the Hormuz Strait, and Chang asked Luxon for his reaction to the President’s announcement. The PM was back to waffling, offering an overview of a situation already well understood rather than taking a position on this latest proclamation. Chang did not look convinced.

Chris Chang. Image: TVNZ.

Luxon said we can’t control the situation, but we do have our values, apparently forgetting all the times he has failed to stand up for international law, including genocide and now this latest set of war crimes. Remember that school in Iran, Christopher - do you have an opinion on that yet? How about the civilians being murdered in Lebanon?

Chang asked whether we would be drawn into the conflict, as Trump now says the situation is up to others to fix. Not an unreasonable question, considering that the NZDF is to send 50 personnel to an aerial and ground drones exercise in the US.

Luxon decided to tell us about our close relationship with Singapore and how we’d been quicker to get things lined up than our Aussie mates. His smirk disappeared when Chang pointed out that the deal he was referring to had actually been put in place under Ardern.

Christopher Luxon. Image: TVNZ.

Luxon’s Reality Distortion Field was in operation, though, and so he ignored that and focused on talking about himself and the Singaporean PM instead.

They moved to the polls, with Chang noting that National was under 30% and NZ First up to 13.6%. He asked Luxon how concerned he was. The PM shook his head and channelled Winston, saying the only poll that matters is on election day, and people don’t want him to focus on polls. Which is kind of true, but could also be interpreted as him saying he will ignore whether people are happy or not until campaign time.

Chang asked how the National team were feeling, given that, with that level of support, they would lose eleven MPs. It was the same old Luxon, proclaiming there was much to do while ignoring dissatisfaction.

At that point, Tova got sick of sitting on the sidelines and subbed herself on, putting her hand up with a question:

Apparently, they had been discussing the latest reality TV offering, another series of Celebrity Treasure Island, which I admit I have a bit of a soft spot for. Tova’s very important question was: which of the PM's MPs would he have sent to the island?

Luxon said it couldn’t possibly be him as he was too focused on fixing the fuel crisis, a Tui moment if there ever was one. He suggested former PM John Key, but said, “he couldn’t light a fire or do much for himself.”

Tova hissed like a tempting snake, “You could exile Chris Bishop.” Before they all agreed that Judith Collins should be the one sent to Celebrity Treasure Island.

As it turned out, there are no politicians this year. If you’re interested, you can see the announced list here. My money is on Portia Woodman-Wickliffe, a challenge beast and a much-loved New Zealander.

Morning Report.

This morning also saw John Campbell interview the Prime Minister. He began with a marvellous “Morena Prime Minister”, Luxon responded by asking how the first day of school was going, the same joke he used when Tova joined Breakfast recently.

Campbell joked that he must have failed some things because this was his fourth time returning to RNZ. Then he moved to the cyclone, asking the PM in the friendliest of tones what he was hearing. Damn, it felt good to hear his voice again.

John Campbell.Image: X.

The PM’s reply was near word on word identical to what he said on Breakfast. I wondered who was writing the script.

Unlike Breakfast, Campbell pointed out the Elephant in the Room, noting that these events are increasingly common. He spoke of large employers in places like Tairāwhiti struggling with road closures and impacts on producers to the point where their ongoing viability was under threat. He asked the PM what he would do for a region that already has high unemployment.

Bizarrely, the PM started prattling on about water storage until Campbell pointed out that the problem at present was too much water, not a shortage.

Luxon said, “We’re building resilience into everything we do”, a nonsense phrase that John was not going to let go, and so he said, “How?”

The PM navigated himself tangentially away from answering directly until Campbell got fed up and said that Insurance Companies were refusing to cover flood-prone areas or making it so expensive that people would be left uninsured.

Again, John implored the PM to tell us what action he was taking, but again the PM responded with a high-level description of the problem, eating up time as he slowly listed all the related parties.

Campbell pointed out that about 675,000 Kiwis, about 14% of the population, live in areas prone to flooding. Luxon had nothing for them other than buzzwords and good intentions.

It’s difficult to assess whether Luxon is improving. He did alright with Chris Chang rather than facing Tova, but it was John Campbell who really put him under pressure, luring him in warmly before confronting him with the reality of the situation he is responsible for fixing. It was disappointing to hear at the end that Ingrid Hipkiss will be alternating weeks with Campbell to interview the PM.

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Have a good Monday, folks. Hope you haven’t been too badly affected by the cyclone.

Ngā mihi,
Nick.

To end today, here’s Republica with a very different version of Ready to Go than you might be used to.