Seymour Shocks Sky City!
ACT's seismic announcements.
Seymour smirked at his reflection.
Hi he said.
Hi Hi Hi Hi the different reflections from the mirrored surfaces around the bathroom responded. Those days are over he thought, no more having to knock on every bloody door in Epsom - everybody knows my name now.
The theme tune to Cheers ran through his head and he hummed it as he dried his hands. It brought back memories as a little kid in the 80s. The glory days of Yuppies and deregulation - when Roger Douglas was king and New Zealand was unshackled from it’s long history of repressing success.
He always felt a little nervous at these events. The founding fathers would be there watching. He carried their ambitions, their desires for things they wanted done before they shuffled off. A legacy people would remember.
Seymour grinned harder. With a strong hand in coalition negotiations looking likely he might just be able to give them what they dreamed of. He pictured them in his mind - Douglas, Prebble, Brash. They had started this work, each in their own way - and now the torch was his.
He remembered hearing about things before they came. Things they fought, things he’d been inspired to fight. The Unions back then sounded like the stuff of nightmares, how could anyone be so ungrateful to be given a job?
The bad old days when it took five years to get a landline, and they only came in grey. Hmm, that one might’ve been East Germany, he considered. Ah it’s all the same thing. He looked at his reflection angrily and spat the word out - Socialism.
He was excited to see the response of the crowd to the new announcements. He didn’t think anyone would be expecting them, not in their wildest fantasies. Only he and Brooke knew, and he only told her because he wasn’t very good with Powerpoint. Which was strange considering how much time he’d spent at school doing title pages. For some reason he found himself thinking of fresh mango juice. Odd.
Oh god, first though he’d have to announce the new candidates. There was that Andrew Hogget chap from Federated Farmers. That was a punch on the nose for the Nats, it was their patch. He chuckled to himself, who would’ve thought, the president of Fed Farmers going with ACT? He hoped the guy wouldn’t make any jokes about livestock.
He’d have to grin through introducing Parmjeet Parmar. I would like to dispel the rumour that we were Parmjeet’s fifth choice, despite her seeking the National candidacy unsuccessfully in four electorates first. I’ll pause for laughter there, he thought.
Parmjeet may have had an undistinguished career as a National MP of six years. She may well have voted against all three readings of my end of life bill, the most important legislation in the history of our party. But we’re expecting big things from Parmjeet as an ACT MP. Let’s be honest, I’ve seen worse CVs! Now acknowledge your MPs by smiling and waving at them.
David heard his name announced by compere Jordan Williams, who was wearing his pig suit. He bounded out on to the stage and stood with the spotlight on him, waiting for the applause to subside.
Welcome here today my fellow Slytherin he opened with a joke. Some of the crowd made encouraging hissing sounds in response. I do hope we won’t have any woke warriors interrupting things. That $50 entry should see off those no hopers. The first laughs came from the crowd.
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