I remember Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and China as a child. Not as a list of exotic countries with awful human rights records but as countries the All Whites had to play in qualifying for the 1982 Football World Cup.
This qualifying run was real boys own stuff for a soccer (we still called it that then) mad kid. Some of you might remember that run to get to Spain even if you’re not a football fan, it certainly captured the attention of a nation.
So here we are again at the final stage in qualifying for the World Cup later this year in Qatar. A sporting venue selected without financial consideration, like Barcelona for the yachting thing this week. Only one more country stands in our way - the mighty Costa Rica.
Costa Rica are actually quite good at qualifying for World Cups. Since that seminal qualification by the All Whites in 1982 they have been to the World Cup final five times, we have just the once. Also if you look at a list of the most famous Costa Rican’s a high proportion are footballers, although this may indicate an absence of other opportunities available in a small Central American nation.
But beyond this footballing prowess what do we really know about Costa Rica? Are they destined to merely be a country on the list of some other football mad kid who remembers this All Whites qualification campaign 40 years from now? Seems unlikely although clearly there is precedent, we were pretty sure back in 82 no one was ever going to hear of Kuwait again, and look how that worked out.
Costa Rica translates as “Rich Coast”, so they are pretty much the Omaha of Central America. With a similar population size to ours, but only one fifth of the land area, their population density is “sparse” as opposed to “more spread out than the last scraping of vegemite from the jar” here in Aotearoa. I don’t know why but the phrase “population density” makes me think of how they might measure aptitude in Taranaki.
They have no military, Costa Rica that is not Taranaki - I’m sure the latter has at least a militia. Which is pretty brave for a country in a region where CIA backed right wing military types have a habit of replacing democratically elected governments with themselves.
If we do manage to beat Costa Rica and go through we’ll be in a group with Spain, Germany, and Japan such is the level of competition in world football. Reality is just getting to a World Cup is our Everest.
We get used to sports like rugby, cricket, league and netball where there are fewer than 10 competitive countries. You forget the exuberance around the world for football down here in New Zealand. The height of our sporting dedication and passion is buying a black plastic bottle during the Rugby World Cup from Milk Corp or wearing some red socks for that sport we don’t mention any more.
I remember my wife and I walking the dark and silent streets of a small rural town in Argentina wondering if anything was open. And then the eruption from inside buildings “Gooaaaallllllll” as someone scored and the whole town celebrated. That was an age group South American tournament – not the World Cup.
I lived in England for a couple of World Cups and noticed a couple of very odd things happen.
Firstly, all the cars had St George’s flags fluttering from them, there were flags hanging from houses and bars, everywhere. So quite patriotic then, but the weird thing is at other times you rarely saw that flag.
I only ever associated it with white supremacists, the BNP. So you can imagine my surprise walking to work one morning and all of a sudden that flag is flying everywhere like some previously secret Klan rally was about to occur on a massive scale.
The other surprising thing is everyone there thinks that England is going to win. Despite their track record and the level of competition that are utterly confident that this is their year - like the most deluded Warriors fan – this is our year!
While the confidence is endearing, contagious even, prior to the inevitable loss, the level of disappointment at the inevitable is quite stunning - they genuinely thought they were going to win?
God knows what would happen if they actually did win, they’re insufferable enough when they narrowly lose or draw, having them win would upset the order of the universe.
The Americans could never take that sort of regular hit to their confidence so rather than risk not being number one they just made up their own sports that pretty much no one else plays. They can happily claim world success by naming their domestic competitions things like the World Series.
Our cousins across the ditch, renowned for their sportsmanship, got so fed up with the arduous route to the finals that for qualifying purposes they moved their entire country to another continent, Asia, to have a better chance.
Has there ever been anything that screams corruption more blatantly than Qatar being given the World Cup finals? Let’s be honest, FIFA officials make the IOC look honest by comparison.
So why did they win hosting rights? Was it because of their football heritage, their excellent human rights record, claiming it would be held in the middle of summer so it wouldn’t interfere with European competitions (it’s not), or many large wads of cash? I guess we’ll never know.
Qatar may well though provide lasting images of human endeavour. Perhaps instead of an Octopus crawling over one of two flags to predict who will win they can use a worker from South Asia who was massively disabled on one of the stadium construction sites due to a complete absence of health and safety.
Ah think of the inclusive feel good factor as young Ramesh, blinded in both eyes, drags himself forward by his chin until he touches one of the flags. He is rewarded with a handful of change and people speak for years of the inspirational determination he showed to collect those coins and hold them in his mouth.
An image of human triumph to go alongside other images for example players arriving by private jet and transferring to sports cars on the runway like an aftershave advertisement.
Sport – the great leveler, none more so than the beautiful game – just ask Ramesh.
C’mon you All Whites!
Great article, Nick. And oh yes - the Road to Spain. What a wonderful time that was!
A cracking read Nick😊👍