The Eye of the Chicken

David Seymour is... Acting as Prime Minister.

Risin' up, straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not gonna stop
Just a man and his will to survive

Songwriters: Frank Sullivan / James Peterik.

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Butter Chicken is one of the most popular takeaway dishes in Aotearoa. It’s the curry to have when you don’t like curry.

Creamy and rich, full fat, plain with no burnt mouth, no sweat upon the brow and no afterburn the following day from a spice level excessive for a kiwi palate or digestive system. It is synonymous with blandness - the National Party of curries.

I prefer a Madras or a Rogan Josh, something a little more savoury with a bit more kick. But you wouldn’t give that to schoolchildren who would complain their lips were on fire and it was too spicy. So, I hope the little learners really like a Butter Chicken because it seems they will be eating quite a lot of it.

Seymour’s lunches continue to deliver. In fact, I was listening to a song I hadn’t heard for years last night, and there was a lyric in it that had a new meaning, so we ought to give the coalition credit for that. Who knew they were widening our cultural reference points and not just feeding our kids…

The song is by The Streets; it’s called “Geezers Need Excitement”, and the line that jumped out at me was “Shit in a tray merchants”, which doesn’t sound all that appetising, but it’s probably a fair reflection of the catering outfit that David has delivered to our kids.

Sounds delicious, doesn’t it? The only problem is that it can be quite hard to tell which meal is which now that the government has deprioritised the appearance of the food. For example, could you tell what these two meals are?

It's tricky, isn’t it? I’m going to guess that the one on the left is, in fact, Butter Chicken. This one looks like it’s been left in the fridge for a few weeks, and it might be challenging to sell to children who know what food looks like.

The other one sort of looks like a Thai dish, although the red cabbage seems incongruous. In fact, it turns out that it’s Chicken Teriyaki, which is good to know as that wouldn’t have been in my first ten guesses.

If Seymour’s lunches are an example of his Musk-like efficiency drive, you’d have to say David’s Doge was a bit of a dog turd. Can you imagine what ACT and National would be saying if Labour and the Greens had overseen this debacle?