The giant O

Tonight on BBC World we have extensive coverage of the latest version of the Corona virus to emerge.

Scientists have confirmed the existence of the Omega variant, what many around the world are now referring to as the New Zealand variant. This new variant spreads as rapidly as the earlier Omicron variant but the illness caused and mortality rate are much more extreme, it is by far the deadliest variant identified to date.

Although highly contagious the impact of contracting Omega is greatly reduced by having been vaccinated. For those who have received at least two doses of a vaccine it is no more severe than Omicron, but for those yet to be vaccinated hospitalisation and death rates are worryingly high.

Ground zero of the Omega variant has been traced back to an anti vaccination mandate protest outside of the New Zealand parliament. This event became a super spreader as Omega moved like wildfire through the occupation camp due to the high density of people who were not following any health precautions

After three weeks of the occupation, and prior to identification of the new variant, the majority of protesters returned home claiming victory for no apparent reason. As they traveled back to their home towns they took Omega with them spreading it widely throughout New Zealand.

Ironically the protest, which had been about reducing Covid restrictions, has now resulted in the introduction of new regulations, for example the banning of those who are unvaccinated from travelling between regions.

A few dozen protesters remain at the site and are now unable to leave as the area is surrounded by heavy fencing and is in quarantine. A second layer of fences has been added this morning as some of those within had been spitting at passers by and challenging them to trust their immune system.

A number of well-known politicians who attended the occupation are having to isolate. These include Christopher Luxon, the leader of the National Party - the main opposition party of New Zealand, who said “I feel like I’m stuck in a transit lounge and not a nice one like the Koru Club. Did you know I used to run an airline?”

Jacinda Ardern, the Prime Minister of New Zealand, has addressed the nation starting with an apology for her Health minister. Andrew Little has caused controversy when overheard stating that health providers would be prioritizing medical services for the majority of the population who have been vaccinated, it’s not fair on them that these useless pricks who didn’t get vaccinated take priority.

Miss Arden went on to say that while some people had let the team of five million down we were all one people as she rolled her eyes almost audibly. Whether you are the sort of person that went out and got your vaccine the very first day you could, or someone who didn’t bother getting vaccinated but instead threw human waste at the police, we should remember to be kind.

A spokesperson for the London based ‘Grounded Kiwis’ organization said they thought the UK was quite nice at this time of year actually, despite it being February. However it was quite full and perhaps it would be for the best if people in Aotearoa stayed where they were, unless the UK arranged some sort of quarantine facilities.

Other nations have responded by closing their borders to anyone travelling from New Zealand for at least the next six weeks. China has banned the importation of all products from New Zealand.

Scott Morrison, the Prime Minister of Australia, reacted by saying our mates across the ditch in kiwi land can rest assured that this is one thing originating in New Zealand we won’t be claiming. He then picked up a ukulele and bizarrely sang an off key rendition of an obscure Engelbert Humperdinck song, “10 guitars” to camera for what he referred to as his “kiwi cousins”.

A cult like group has developed; largely among the former protesters and also MPs from the right wing ACT party, who wear the Omega symbol on their clothing. They claim that the “giant O”, as they refer to the variant, has been sent to cleanse New Zealand of communism and oppression.

Sadly an impoverished area at the top of New Zealand, imaginatively named Northland, has been hit particularly hard due to a combination of low vaccination rates and former members of parliament Winston Peters and Matt King, who had both attended the protest, holding town hall meetings of those worshiping the “giant O”

Prominent religious leader Brian Tamaki, formerly a self-appointed Bishop, is now referring to himself as “The giant O”. His followers dress all in black with a large white ‘O’ on their shirts. They believe the only way to avoid serious illness from the new variant is to hold piles of twenty dollar notes upon the palm of their left hand while slapping them one at a time with their right hand to land at the feet of the “The giant O”.

Meanwhile the majority of New Zealanders, who were not involved with the protest and are not part of the new cult, are referring to Omega as the “Oh FFS” variant.

After the break we will be crossing to the so-called breakaway provinces of eastern Ukraine for developments there....