The non-woke $3 Lunch.

Seymour rescues food in schools, from himself.

I don't mind stealin' bread from the mouths of decadence
But I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled, yeah
But it's on the table, the fire's cookin'
And they're farmin' babies, while slaves are workin'
The blood is on the table and the mouths are chokin'
But I'm goin' hungry, yeah

Some of you might be smiling at this point, familiar with those lyrics.

They’re from the song at the end of course. I’m smiling because there are a lot of really bad songs about food and I was pretty pleased to think of that one.

“I can't feed on the powerless when my cup's already overfilled.” It’s pretty much the opposite of ACT’s mantra, and quite apt for today. So let’s begin our tale…

Something strange happened yesterday.

David Seymour announced that he was saving Healthy School Lunches, which could only mean one of three things:

1. He discovered that he actually cared about kids getting fed. Because every multi-choice question should have one option that is obviously ludicrous.

2. Having seen the recent polls he decided that although his core supporters would love to take the lunches from kids, that would have to wait for another day.

3. There was never any intention to cancel the lunches and this was all about a deceased feline. More on that in a bit.

Look, glass half full. It was a good thing. Having come out and rubbished the programme, despite the evidence that it was working, there seemed to be a possibility that Seymour might ditch the lot. Rather than watering down the current offering, like gruel.

It just seemed bloody odd that he was taking the credit for it.

Yes, the very person who was threatening to put an end to the lunches programme proclaimed himself as it’s saviour.

In case you’re not familiar with it this is the description of the programme from the Ministry of Education:

“The Ka Ora, Ka Ako | Healthy School Lunches programme aims to reduce food insecurity by providing access to a nutritious lunch in school every day. Around a million lunches are provided each week. In May 2024, lunches are being provided to over 236,000 students in 1013 schools and kura.

Around 1 in 5 children in New Zealand live in households that struggle to put enough good-quality food on the table. In communities facing greater socio-economic barriers, 40% of parents run out of food sometimes or often.”

The programme was launched by the previous government in 2019. But with the coalition’s never ending drive to cut spending for those tax cuts we can’t afford it’s been on the chopping board.

Nicole Rakena prepares and cooks lunches for four Waikato schools for the Healthy School Lunches Programme. Christine Yardley/Waikato Times.

"The Healthy School Lunches Programme will continue, alongside a new targeted programme for up to 10,000 two-to-five-year-olds in early learning services,” said Seymour.

Which was partially true. But it also wasn’t in that the food that Intermediate and Secondary students receive will be significantly downgraded.

The food for preschoolers is a nice touch, but it’s a bit of a gimmick being only a $4m investment for the whole country. Whereas the much bigger story here is that Seymour will cut $107m from the programme.

So where is he going to find these $107m in savings? That’s an awful lot less money to spend at a time when food prices are well and truly inflated. David believes that with the power of Big Catering he can save all those millions for Nicola’s credibility fund.

In case you haven’t been following the story that closely here’s last night’s report from Newshub on the announcement:

If you watched that clip you’ll have seen that despite the coalition’s hysterics over fiscal cliffs, which are programmes that are only funded for a finite period, they’ve done just that here.

Chris Hipkins described it as hypocrisy that after all that bleating the coalition are only funding this programme for two further years.

Best enjoy it while you can. It’s lunch kids, just not as you know it.