Time for a Change

What is Labour offering?

You act as though
You are a blind man
Who's crying, crying 'bout
All the virgins that are dying

In your habitual dreams, you know
Seems you need more sleep
But like a parrot in a flaming tree
I know it's pretty hard to see

I'm beginning to wonder
If it's time for a change

Song: Phil Judd

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The next line in Phil Judd’s masterpiece is “But still you try like a fat boy”. I ended the quote before that. This is a newsletter on important adult matters. We’ve no time for the broken reckons of Brad Olsen, aka Brad from the Flat.

Gee, that was a bit of a mean-spirited start there, Nick. Cheer up, fella; it’s a beautiful day. Well, yeah, Spring does seem to have sprung, but we need to have a serious conversation here. Brad from the Flat tends to obfuscate things rather than bring clarity. It’s all straw men, and the sky is falling with him. Honestly, when it comes to economics, I think I’d rather listen to Colin from Accounts.

If you don’t know who Colin is, or why his economic predictions are probably more likely than Mr Olsen’s check out the following clip for the former, and any episode of the News Brad appears on for the latter.

You can find Colin From Accounts free to air on TVNZ+, a brief Q&A here:

1. Does it get better? Yes, if you feel underwhelmed by the first episode, do persevere; it gets good, really good.

2. Yeah, but what about the Birthday Party episode? Well, I don’t want to give anything away, but it’s fair to say that it isn’t the best episode in the series and is indeed an uncomfortable watch. Something about building tension before a payoff? But yes, I wanted to throw things, too.

3. But if I really like it, won’t I be sad when it ends? Maybe there is a second series available, but there is no word on a third. Do you normally avoid watching things in case they end? Honestly, that’s the only thing that keeps me going with this coalition - there bloody better not be another series, and if there must be at least a change in some of the main characters, these ones are wooden and unbelievable. Enough with the pantomime villains.

Oh, look, it’s 9 am, time for Q&A; guess I can stop prattling on and talk about what happened when Chippy meant Jack to discuss our future, fairer taxation system.

Jack’s opening question isn’t what Hipkins, as the leader of the opposition - an important role in our democratic system, thinks of what the government is doing and what he’d do differently. It’s to ask whether Labour is relevant.

Well, Jack, that’s rather up to you - I make the effort to hear what Chippy says, I know it’s highly relevant and that he, and Chlöe, speak for me and I reckon at least a million others who, one year into this term, have had a guts full. But that’s just me - if you were reliant on what the media shows of the opposition, you might well ask if they’re relevant. Someone needs to do better in that regard - but it’s not Chippy.

Hmm, maybe I am grumpy. I thought we were here to talk about Tax plans, not whether Hipkins is a viable replacement for Luxon in two years time. C’mon Jack, you could pick a ventriloquist’s dummy, I’m sure you of all people know what one of those looks like, to replace Luxon, and it’d be hard to tell the difference. Different puppet, same hands up the backside.

Chippy said that supporters over the last year have said they want to see more “Labour” in the party, a return to what the Labour Party stands for. As opposed to pandering to middle-class swing voters who the media tell us will have palpitations if any of their capital gains are taxed.

I’m kidding. Jack didn’t say that, and Chris was busy talking about people who work hard getting ahead, in a slow manoeuvre, presumably before announcing the life rafts will be deployed in the form of progressive taxes so that those who don’t work hard but are doing very nicely thank you, actually pay their share.