Under My Umbrella
When the rains fall, a hero emerges.
Now that it's raining more than ever
Know that we'll still have each other
You can stand under my umbrella
Songwriters: Shawn Carter / Terius Nash / Thaddis Harrell / Glaucio Jeronimo.
State of Origin.
I saw the headline yesterday about the PM going to Eden Park to announce that henceforth we will be considered a full Australian state, not just a feeder club, and be permitted to host the holiest of rugby league holies - the State of Origin. I posted:
To be honest, with Winston’s xenophobic views, I'm surprised State of Origin isn't a NZ First policy, rather than being Luxon's silver bullet to save the economy.
Just imagine that, State of Origin - NZ First style.
I.C.E., like thugs, run through Eden Park, challenging the security guards, food preparers, and suspicious-looking members of the crowd, as selected by Shane Jones, to reveal their State of Origin.
Winston Peters appears on a gigantic screen, sneers, “Where are you from?”, then gives a thumbs-up or thumbs-down to indicate whether they can stay.
In the country.
The unfortunate are dragged away as the crowd erupts with cheers of “Winston,” lest they be singled out next.
Back to serious matters, are things so grim that the PM thinks the announcement of this game at Eden Park warrants a photoshoot? Mind you, I imagine he wants something for his money, given that the government’s Major Events Fund has paid $2.5 million for it.
They could’ve just held the game at Mt Smart, the home of Rugby League in Aotearoa, and it would’ve been much the same. Although I don’t suppose Mr Luxon wants to drag his sponsors and all the high flyers he imagines will be jetting in for the game out to an industrial wasteland in South Auckland.
A hero emerges.
Sports stars of old and government ministers who had no idea who they were gathered for the announcement at Eden Park. Inauspiciously, the skies opened, and the wet stuff did fall upon the heads of the assembled.
When things looked bleak, a remarkable thing happened:
The PM proceeded to hold an umbrella over the person speaking; it was quite unprecedented, although I was left with the thought of what it might look like if you combined Art Garfunkel and Tony Robinson, Baldrick from Blackadder.
Whatever it was, the PM had formed a cunning plan, unaided, to hoist the mechanical device over the other man and keep him from the troubling waters above.
Extraordinary.
Witnessing the act of heroism, National Backbencher Nancy Lu was so moved that she took to social media to post the following, so the world could know of our Prime Minister’s gallantry.
Good grief, Nancy, that’s a bit over the top, isn’t it? Even Donald Trump would’ve blushed at that level of sycophancy.
I especially enjoyed your claim of “no cameras called” for an event that was literally an announcement in front of the media, who, believe it or not, had cameras.
Take, for example, the photo above of the same man holding the umbrella while the PM spoke, as if it weren’t leadership at all, just the sort of thing anyone would do for someone else.
You would hope the PM would be able to respond to such an event with “No drama,” as it rains quite a lot in Tamaki Makaurau, although not as much as in other parts of the country at the moment.
Rainy season.
There is no getting away from it: the weather is changing, and it’s hitting people hard, repeatedly, in areas and at times when such events were rare only a short while ago. I posted this over the weekend, although it could’ve been written many times in recent years:
These once-in-a-generation storms are now happening every year. We need a complete rethink of our infrastructure priorities, and it's not going to come from this mob.
Josephine wrote, “Every time Aotearoa has these events, people lose their lives and whānau lose loved ones. Climate Change is real, and we need to look after our whenua.”
Jane said, “This lot will do nothing. We are meant to be thrilled about the State of Origin. Most of us don’t care. We want flood mitigation, attention to climate change and a small scrap of human empathy.”
Nik Nak commented, “Climate change is the one thing we won’t face. It’s the topic we need to be discussing. This will be our downfall. We all know that, but we won’t talk about it.”
Several people noted that it occurs more than once a year. It’s hard to keep track, as regions such as Northland, the East Coast, and the top of the South Island are repeatedly hit, along with other areas.
To be fair, Luxon briefly made mention of the weather events during his State of Origin announcement, but it was only an aside before delivering a zinger about it not mattering so much if he got his hair wet.
That’s about as seriously as these guys take climate change.
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There are hard realities to face: some communities will have to be abandoned because properties are uninsurable or transport links are prohibitively expensive to rebuild. In other areas, we need to plan for more robust infrastructure to withstand such events, rather than spending billions on building more highway lanes.
So who is going to make the tough calls, and who is going to develop a plan?
Where is that hero?
One thing we can be sure of is that it won’t be Umbrella guy.
National’s slogan is “Building For the Future”, but with developments such as the new LNG import facility in Taranaki, it feels like they’re building for a past when climate change wasn’t such a clear and present issue.
There you go. Don’t worry, folks, the PM has it in hand. He’ll probably be along in a day or two with a pack of Dunkin Donuts. As Nancy Lu says, he’s “action-oriented”.
A few people had comments on that. Jan suspected the PM might get peckish and wrote of the doughnuts, “Well, whatever’s left after the helicopter flight…”
Trisha wrote, “Look, what I would say to you, Bottom Feeder, is that PM Luxon is a Sports Promoter, a Concert Entrepreneur and a Salesman. He cannot possibly risk getting his feet wet!”
So well done, Prime Minister, on making the smallest of gestures and holding an umbrella. That’s great, but where are the brollies for the rest of the country?
State of Origin is, without question, the pinnacle of Rugby League, and many Kiwis will be thrilled to have the opportunity to attend. No doubt plenty of Aussies will cross the Tasman, but there are more important things the PM should be focusing on.
It’s great that there will be a State of Origin next year, but there will also be tropical storms and flooding, which will force people from their homes.
Why isn’t the PM making plans for that?
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Have a good Tuesday, folks.
Ngā mihi,
Nick.
To end today, here’s The Baseballs channeling Elvis and covering Rihanna’s Umbrella.
There was a presumably satirical piece in the Spinoff yesterday about umbrella man which triggered me something awful even though the rational part of my brain was telling me Toby Manhire was taking the piss. A reader suggested Nancy used ChatGPT for her post lol and this readers comment sums the whole thing up nicely:
"How wonderful to have a Prime Minister who understands that when the country is flooded because of climate change, the roads are blocked because we denuded the hills of native trees, and the foreshore in Wellington is drowning in shit, the solution is to announce the holding of an incomprehensible Australian sporting fixture in which we are not involved is to be held in an Auckland stadium at the expense of the New Zealand taxpayer. The man's a hero!"
I have absolutely no idea why we are paying to have a sports team (is it a football team?) from Oz come to play in here. What or who are State of Origin and why must the city ratepayers pay over 2 million dollars to get them here. Who is the man with the hairdo that the PM had to protect and does Nancy understand climate emergency, sewage problems, and bed levies? I don't think these people should be in charge. Please can we have mandatory voting so it's not only the over 60 year olds voting, and can we have fish back in our rivers! And people in houses. And food to feed our kids. The State of it!