Welcome To Cost Of Living Relief

Nicola Willis in praise of the Finance Minister.

Said 'ask me no questions, I'll tell you no lies'

Can you see, it's not about hope,
it's not about truth, don't be naive
So come dance with me, I'll keep you safe
give you all you can take, I'll make you happy

Song by Wendy McNeill.

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Hallelujah brothers and sisters, I have great news to report. Prices are under control, interest rates are coming down, and the cost of living has finally turned a corner. Praise be indeed.

Who should we thank for this economic miracle that has seen Aotearoa arise from the years of hardship and struggle to once again become a land of milk and honey, god’s very own country? Why it’s none other than Nicola Willis who has overseen, and pronounced, this great achievement. Last night she took to Facebook to proclaim her achievements and await the praise that must surely follow.

So many had questioned her competence. Her ability to come up with a plan that would stand up to any scrutiny, beyond that of tame consultancy Castalia who would rubber stamp a turd and call it a gold brick if asked to. Some people even suggested that Willis looked like she was making things up as she went, cutting public services and government spending with all the finesse of a hairdresser using a chainsaw.

An eager Management Consultant type with good grades and the ability to hitch her wagon to the least uninspiring horse in town had been quite a risk as Finance Minister. But there was something about the cut of Willis’ jib, her appetite, enthusiasm even, for slashing services and wide scale redundancies that marked her as one of them. But it had been a rough start.