What have the Serbians ever done for us?

Think of Serbia and what comes to mind? The start of the First World War, the atrocities of the 1990s following the break up of Yugoslavia, and now an anti vax tennis player thumbing his nose at the rest of society. Which raises the question - what have the Serbians ever done for us?

Let us start with food. In cities around the world there are fine restaurants serving Italian, French, and even German fare, to be fair you’d be more likely to encounter a restaurant specializing in Scottish or Moldovan food than Serbian.

Curiously in order to escape the local culinary horrors the most popular cuisine in Belgrade, despite being universally derided elsewhere, is English. It is considered the height of sophistication to dress up in a shell suit, gold chains, plenty of hair gel, then knock back roast beef with plenty of Bisto gravy and vegetables* while chain-smoking unfiltered Camels.

*Note these are pickled, un-pickled vegetables are unobtainable in Serbia.

Perhaps even more surprising is that Serbia remains the only country outside of the UK where Wetherspoons, the English pub chain, is successful. It should be noted that in order for the franchise to succeed it was necessary to ease back a little on the anti eastern European rhetoric against neighboring countries, which is the cornerstone of success in the UK.

If you’re a fan of tennis, football, or basketball you will have heard of most famous Serbs, beyond them it’s pretty much just former President of Yugoslavia Josip Tito. I’m kidding; Tito isn’t even Serbian, a little known fact is that Tito was a failed trade unionist from Kidderminster.

Sadly the man that should have been Serbia’s most famous son, Nikola Tesla, is now all but forgotten. Thomas Edison did much to steal the limelight from the great Serbian during his lifetime, denying him the prominence he deserved.

After his death work to besmirch Tesla’s name has been continued by Elon Musk - a wealthy white South African, a demographic hard as it may be to believe considered even less favorably than Serbians. Either way both men ensure Tesla’s place in history is diminished and damaged.

Serbia’s greatest cultural achievements have all occurred at the Eurovision song contest, and their unexpected victory in 2007 is commemorated annually with a public holiday where the remainder of Serbian music is commemorated with 24 hours silence.

Serbia is famous as the location of the last smallpox outbreak in Europe and also, at the time of writing – 4:55pm, as the last European nation bombed by the United States. Note these two claims cannot be verified other than a pamphlet from the national tourist corporation entitled: “Serbia - thinking of visiting? Don’t.”

As the crossroads between the Christian and Muslim worlds it is fair to say Serbia has had it’s interesting times as the tide of history has swept back and forth over them. It is not surprising that Serbs have seen their raison d'être as a bulwark on the under belly of Europe defending Christendom for centuries, although someone really ought to tell them the Middle Ages are over.

To be fair these days Serbia is primarily focused on joining the EU and has made two key commitments to enable this. Firstly they have committed to removing “vić“ from the end of their surnames. Secondly they have promised to celebrate their national heroes outside of Australian quarantine facilities rather than the more traditional trials in the Hague.

Despite some negative aspects it should not be forgotten that Serbia is the largest European exporter of raspberries, plums, and prunes. In light of that perhaps we should all embrace Serbia a little, as Harete Hipango will no doubt by draping herself in the Serbian flag once one of her anti vax mates tells her about tennis.

In the next post - what have the Bolivians ever done for us?