So that was the last real week of parliament for the year. Politicians will start winding down for the summer.
No more in-depth interviews, no more contentious votes, before you know it the newspaper will be down to twenty pages and three of those will be photos of kids running through sprinklers and fishing contests. The TV News will be tracking Santa and farmers grimly saying to camera “looks like a bad drought this year”, after four straight months of rain.
I mean the politicians will be back in Parliament next week but that is mostly a time for the speech writers to shine, you know how it is - the last week of school…
The Last Day of School
Grant Robertson will give his caustically cheerful appraisal of where things are at…
People are always worried. Back in 2020 when everyone, including those in this house, still believed in Covid voters took a look at their options. Jacinda was right on top of Covid. The country was like the All Blacks, around the world everyone was saying the team of five million was number one. It was the right thing to hold the course - do we really want to put Crusher in charge of looking after us?
And they said "Oh Hell No" and voted for Jacinda.
Roll forward three years, and those negative people over there say people are bored with being looked after by mum, they’re sick of kindness, and they're tired of thinking about the other 4,999,999 people - this is the time for #1.
They've got the voices from across the other side of this chamber in their ear saying "She has destroyed the country, everything is terrible, only Christopher knows how to do the big boy's job" and they're listening.
Best not share that last bit with the real leader in waiting next to you eh Chris?
According to them people are thinking - I'm sick of smart people telling me what is right - I don't need mum any more.
According to them people are ready to abandon the safety of home and get in a car with a pack of lunatics who've all been drinking and speed off into the night, without even wearing safety belts.
AND do you know what's sad - mum will be waiting by the phone, waiting for them to come in the door and worrying about them, and there is nothing she can do about it if they’re going to listen to this rubbish.
BUT there is something the rest of us can do, as the saying goes - Stop a mate voting National - Legend!
I'll bring the duct tape.
Everyone on one side of the house will be in stitches but on the other side a different story. Nicola Willis will be grimacing and wishing to herself that laughter had never been invented.
Christopher Luxon will be wondering to himself whether “fundamentally fundamental” makes something sound more important, or just a bit silly.
Chris Bishop will actually be laughing at the barbs on account of having a sense of humour but furtively looking around to check that Nicola doesn’t notice any unnecessary mirth.
Luxon will probably then get up and tell us the sad tale of the land where Christmas was cancelled because all the mummies and daddies had to save their pennies as if they themselves were bottom feeders all because Grant was a Schlimazel of a Finance Minister and so Santa wasn’t coming.
Chris Bishop would stand and started yelling repeatedly “Schlimazel Schlimazel”
And the children will all cry out “but what’s a Schlimazel? Why is that man yelling it, we’ve seen him saying it on TV before and he always sounds really angry, but also like a pantomime clown.”
Their kindly parents will look at each other and the father will say “hmm I think it was in the song from that programme about ladies making beer”. And then mother will say “what the hell are you talking about, I don’t remember any programme like that, honestly your father is always making things up I don’t know why I married him”. And the father will play this clip loudly on his iPhone 6:
Mum will starting nodding and say “Oh yeah, I remember…” until Christopher Luxon interjects shouting from below “look, do you mind? I’m trying to give a speech here about Jewish Christmas traditions - we’re the party of inclusion after all, and on that note I’d just like to finish by saying - And may all your Christmas' be white.”
The speaker wakes up briefly and says “look, I might not be Trevor Mallard but even I know that members of the public should not be playing videos in the gallery, so um maybe don’t do it again or something.”
Jacinda will begin giving a speech about it being the time of year to share with loved ones, remembering how lucky we are and all we have to be grateful for…
Up until David Seymour calls a Point of Order and theatrically yawning says “I think you’ll find they’d be a bit more grateful if they wake up Xmas morning and find a nice new Jet Ski under the tree - that’s what it is all about.” Before climbing on top of the desk, twerking in the direction of the Greens, and high-fiving his deputy who looks mortified*
*assuming mortified is a term used to describe someones appearance on the slab post work from the mortician.
The speaker looks on like a possum in headlights until prompted to call order…
Three Waters passed.
The One News headline was “Bill Passes with only Labour Support”, which is true, but it would also be equally true to have said: "Bill Passes with absolutely enormous, unprecedented since MMP began, government majority!”
Vox pop is an old Latin term that means “bring out all your tory mates and get them to nod appreciatively and find one person who looks like they just escaped from a lunatic asylum and talks positively about the government.” TVNZ decided that might be a bit much like investigative journalism so on this occasion they just interviewed each other.
Jessica Mutch McKay spoke about the legislation like a pull string toy, albeit a defective one because it only had a single phrase “Looking bad for Labour”. The only difference between pulls being how widely Jessica opens her eyes.
Fair to say her eyes nearly fell out of their sockets at the announcement of the Kantar poll at the start of the week - “Looking bad for Labour!” Viewers remarked that Jessica had never looked so happy.
The way One News connected support for the bill with the cyclic departure of some MPs at the next election was pure fake news. Wild speculation that Labour would suffer as a result of the Three Waters legislation, with nothing to actually back it up - that isn't news. I know it’s not intended to be, presumably they’re going for self fulfilling prophecy.
Personally I'm delighted to see it passed this far out from the next election, people will go away on holiday and forget all about it. Well, most people…
I felt so angry watching as National attacked yet another Maori Minister - Poto Williams, Willie Jackson, Nanaia Mahuta, etc. It made me incredibly sad, and bloody furious, to see the blatant racism.
And sadly people are listening to the misinformation and racist rhetoric of National and ACT about Three Waters. People like David Gaughan, the owner of Eagle Brewing who had this to say after the legislation passed:
I think I speak for many in saying I’ve got my fingers crossed for the demise of one small brewery, and would encourage you to support that objective in any way you can.
Some people seemed confused that the Greens voted against the bill. My understanding is that they did so because they wanted the clause whereby 60% of MPs would be required to reverse the legislation. As it stands there is nothing to stop a National/ACT government reversing the legislation and privatising water.
So farewell then Gaurav Sharma
I don’t really know how the electoral laws work these days with advance voting and social media, especially for a by election in a single seat. Probably best if those of you from the bogan wasteland of Hamilton West , the acres of metal warehouses with no consideration for aesthetics, those looping motorways as if the contractor was paid by the roundabout. Yeah, probably best if you jump forward to the bit that says “Tainted Love”, there thought that would get your attention.
Right - there is no place at a rugby game for a chainsaw - even if you’re wearing gumboots!
Aha - look I told you to stop reading this bit, it’s probably against the law or something.
Ok lets assume they’ve gone, or I’ve in someway complied with the electoral act…
Crikey Gaurav, even Jami-Lee Ross realised you can spout to the media that you’d win a by election as much as you like - but you don’t actually force one! That’s just going to be a very slow and embarrassing way to resign, Jami-Lee extended his slow embarrassing resignation as long as possible by not having one.
You do know you’re going to lose right? Like you’re not even going to get 10% of the vote. People voted last time for Labour, they had no idea who you are - so just like future elections then.
My prediction is a comfortable win for National. Governments always get hammered in by elections, it was a tight electorate to start with, and some people who would otherwise have voted Labour will no doubt stand by Dr Sharma.
By the time you read this I could be quite wrong, I hope I am.
Tainted Love
Then we had the high court considering the plight of the child that couldn’t be given vaccinated blood during surgery because - Jesus where do you even start with this one?
To fully understand the problem - what other science do you not want applied to your child because you don’t understand it?
Hmm, perhaps it would be easier to start with things you do understand?
How about “when your child is unwell, you get it medical attention - no ifs, no buts, you just do it!” - still a bit complex huh?
Some kindhearted people might feel sympathy for the parents having the right to do what they want, what they think is best. Not me.
Caring for a sick child and getting the best attention you can is such a primal thing, such a basic part of being a parent. In my view if you’d rather put your right to be an idiot ahead of the health of the child it might be better if you were an idiot without the child - you have failed parenthood 101.
This might appear harsh to some but if you’ve been terrified for one of your children and desperate for modern medicine to do anything it can to help them you might not have a lot of sympathy for these people who are clearly being used by the likes of Sue Grey and Liz Gunn.
Lets not forget the parents previously consented to the child receiving any blood that was needed. Clearly they are being lead by a mob of people with their own fiercely held medical beliefs who don’t really give a stuff about the child.
They just want to make their point that their own fiercely held medical beliefs are as valid as the “science” of the “experts”.
Personally I wouldn’t trust them to use a band aid when needed!
A good read indeed. I look forward to seeing Sharma's disappointed little face. I recommend that he join National alongside Sunny Kaushal - he knows how to say lots of meaningless words, so he'll fit right in.
The exploitation of the parents and baby by anti-vaxxers is utterly deplorable. The Courts and medical specialists have been patient and tolerant, but I see danger ahead, where all the fringies will demand their day in Court, wasting precious time that could be used to save a life. Pure blood pffffft!
"I think I speak for many". You do. Everytime.