Fluffernutter or Bottom Feeder?

Homeownership with Uncle Mike and a call to arms.

I’m just a bottom feeder
Scum of the earth
And I’m cursed
With the burden of empathy
My fellow humans matter to me

Bottom Feeder - Written, Performed and Recorded by Tane Cotton.

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Bottom Feeder or Fluffernutter, which one are you? Or, more to the point, which do you identify as?

It’s not simply a measure of wealth but more a state of mind. Fundamentally do you have depth? Or, to put it another way, have you retained ownership of your soul?

By definition, a bottom feeder goes all the way down to - well, there’s a clue in the name - the bottom. Deep, as far beneath the waters as you can go. Bottom is not being used as the English version of butt - that’s a different kind of bottom feeder…

For example: “Christopher Luxon was such a lousy negotiator when the coalition was formed that people called him a right bottom feeder, especially when it came to Seymour.”

What is a Fluffernutter?

A Fluffernutter, on the other hand, is all surface; there is no depth component. Better yet, it’s a real word.

Even better—today is Fluffernutter Day. Could anything be better than that? Well, yeah, because a fluffernutter is “a sandwich made with peanut butter and marshmallow creme usually served on white bread.” I guess in case Americans decide that Krispy Kreme donuts are too healthy or something.

A Fluffernutter. Image: https://www.nationaldaycalendar.com/national-day/national-fluffernutter-day-october-8

For example: “Elvis Presley’s autopsy concluded that prior to his death, his blood had been flowing with the same consistency as fluffernutter.”

The term fluffernutter is also used disparagingly to “describe something that lacks substance and has minimal to no cultural value”.

For example: “The coalition seems to be comprised of nothing but fluffernutters.”

So, how can we tell which group we belong to? Caring for others is a good start. Empathy and compassion—you won’t find a lot of that from a fluffernutter—not unless it’s being used for marketing purposes.

How about taxes? If you’re a bottom feeder, you pay tax on every dollar you earn, and when you spend what’s left, you pay tax on that, too. Your fluffernutter, on the other hand, not so much. In fact, nothing distinguishes the two more than property ownership and wealth; the narcissistic traits are just the icing on the peanut butter and marshmallow sandwich.

If the idea of a Capital Gains Tax makes you angry - you’re a fluffernutter; you’d have to be one dumb bottom feeder not to want one of those. On the other hand, if you think our current housing market and access to homes for people is an absolute, time to break out the guillotine-level, scandal, then you’re either a bottom feeder or lying.

Let’s take a look at someone who is definitely not a bottom feeder - Mike Hosking. As mentioned, one definition of a fluffernutter is lacks substance and has minimal to no cultural value. That description could also be used as a short-form bio of Mr Hosking.

Mr Hosking has two settings. In times of a vaguely socialist government, Mike rants about how everything’s awful, the sky’s falling, and you’d be out of your mind to support those in charge.

Then, when a neoliberal coalition is returned to power, it’s all happy days, the sun is shining, and you’d be unpatriotic not to see how great everything is.

Even if nothing has changed.

Homeownership with Uncle Mike

On this occasion, Hosking gloated that homeownership was up and enjoyed the opportunity to criticise those who suggested housing was ever an issue.

He bemoans commentary from those who say we’re broke, by which I assume he means people who care about the poor—not the government.

“…abetted by a media who sadly don’t ask a lot of questions any more and more often than not simply parrot whatever the press release of the day says,” he said.

Quite possibly the most ironic thing ever said, coming from one of the highest profile figures in our media over the last couple of decades, a career spent parroting National Party Press Releases.

King of the Fluffernutters. Image: BeFunky

Hosking then proceeds to mock those who’ve said, “We can't afford a house,” or “Housing is too expensive”, or “Owning a home is increasingly a cruel dream”. Stating, “Well, it simply isn't true.”

So there you go—nothing to see here. Now run along and do something else, perhaps buy a house or two. Hosking says you can afford it; it’s not too expensive. Isn’t life easy in ZB land? No thinking necessary—just listen to your Uncle Mike.

Mike hopes this increase will “silence the naysayers.” Of course, this is his current mode—everything is fine with the new government; look how well things are going.

So about that increase in home ownership…

Firstly, it really wasn’t much of an increase, going from 64.5% of people being in a household where they own their own home or hold it in a trust in 2018 to 66%. It still means one in three of all New Zealanders don’t. Still, we know what those people are called, and I can hardly imagine the plight of bottom feeders keeping Hosking awake at night. Unlike this:

Secondly, the census was taken in March of 2023. So, to whatever degree this improvement is down to politicians, the credit belongs to the last Labour government. Things like removing tax incentives for landlords, which the new lot has just reinstated. No one can seriously believe that making things more lucrative for landlords will increase home ownership.

Hosking finishes describing his alternate reality by saying of home ownership, “The numbers show more and more of us are part of the dream. It is not, nor has it ever been, as bad as the wowsers would make it out to be.”

This is such unmitigated bullshit that it’s hard to know where to begin…

For goodness sake, house prices doubling every decade or so is not normal and moves affordability ever further away for many. By international standards, our housing is incredibly expensive, and our income/price ratio is completely out of whack. Where once a single income could buy a home, now two jobs, or even more, may not be enough.

There is great inequality between those who own their homes and those who don’t - let alone those with multiple properties.

Not to worry, though, say the fluffernutters. Just try harder. Like your Uncle Mike said in his article, “Owning a house early has always been a battle, and so it should be. That way, you value it. But getting there is real, and the numbers prove it.”

You can’t argue with numbers, eh? At least not the ones that have lots of zeroes on the end and are quite tax-free.

A Call to Arms

Being a bottom feeder, you are, by definition, interested in those at the bottom - even if it is to eat them. This is not simply about wealth; it is caring for others that separates us from the fluffernutters, the Mike Hoskings, of this world.

They see this as a game for winners and losers, with no regard for the latter. Owning Mayfair and Park Lane and explaining to the tenant at Old Kent Rd that the rent just went up and if they’d only tried a bit harder, they’d be rich too. As far as they’re concerned, we’re all bottom feeders.

So it’s best we vote the buggers out.

In fluffernutter land, I’m sure they think they’ll get two or three terms—but that eventuality is not written in stone. As much as you will hear people say Kiwis don’t elect one-term governments, the truth is we’ve never elected a government like this before, so as far as I’m concerned, all bets are off.

We can do this; we can take our country back from the apathetic and the self-interested.

Look around at who speaks for you, Te Pāti Māori, Labour, the Greens - and get involved. There are a lot more of us than there are of them, and I’m sure that some who voted for them are learning that they themselves are bottom feeders - in the eyes of the people they elected.

It’s been less than a year, and already, there are too many broken promises and unpleasant surprises that hardly anyone wanted.

Kiwis don’t want to see our gun laws softened to allow easier access to firearms and ammunition. We don’t want a government that is soft on tobacco, we don’t want to cross Cook Strait in a Corolla, and we sure as heck don’t want a government that lies about cancer drugs and building hospitals.

Luxon finally goes to Dunedin. Image: BeFunky.

So, let's do this because I sure as hell don’t want to see these guys get a second term, and I’m sure you don’t. Our country and our people cannot afford to have another five or eight years of this—we have to change it.

Sometimes it feels like Social Media is a bit of a waste of time, that we rage within our bubbles, but the truth is it is where the next election will be fought.

Our mainstream media is getting hammered. Newshub is gone, and soon, the TVNZ news site will be gone, too. So what’s left - NZME?

If we’re waiting for the likes of the Herald and Uncle Mike to deliver the truth to the public about this government, we’re looking at three terms minimum - and I don’t want to live the next eight years of my life with these incompetent, corrupt, self-centred bastards in charge.

Gee - tell us what you really think, Nick.

Ok, I will.

I’ve been given this platform through your support, and I know you will want me to use it as much as I can to get people to think about what is happening in this country, what the alternatives are, and what things will be like if we don’t get rid of them - cos these buggers are just getting started.

I’ll be looking at which content to make publicly available. This decision will not be based on getting subscribers, although that would be good, but on where sharing my words might help towards that goal.

We can do this. I don’t want a government that talks about, and thinks of, my fellow Kiwis as bottom feeders.

Do you?

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Something else

Tonight, Helmut Modlik will debate David Seymour on the Treaty on The Working Group at 8 p.m. The debate will be live-streamed on Rova, YouTube, Facebook, the Daily Blog and simulcast live on Sky TV Channel 83 and Waatea Radio. It should be quite a watch.

Modlik, chief executive of Ngāti Toa, challenged Seymour to debate the role of Te Tiriti back in August after watching Seymour defend his Treaty Principles Bill. He agrees with David Seymour that a national debate is needed on the place of Te Tiriti o Waitangi – the Treaty of Waitangi – in modern Aotearoa – but says it needs to be a two-way discussion.

Have a good day, all of you lovely people. And Boo Sucks to the fluffernutters and their government.

Thanks very much to reader Melanie for sharing this track, Bottom Feeder, in the comments the other day. It's an anthem for our times. I bloody love it!