Heroes and Rogues.

Bull's Wool Two.

Happy Easter. 🙂

As with last week’s review I’ll begin today with the view from the right. Which last week seemed cloudy, and lacking in the ideal accoutrements for depth perception.

Hosking’s Hall of Heroes.

Donald Trump: 7/10 He floated and made a fortune and got a bond reduction with more time to pay. Stormy turned out to be a bit of an issue, but all in all he's had worse weeks. 

As usual the true sphincters of this world got a thumbs up from the Hosk. A veritable orifice of good tidings flowing from the tip of Mike’s tongue.

I suppose if you thought you had to pay $450m, or they were going to start repossessing your stuff. But now you had ten days, and you only needed to find $175m. That would be good by comparison. Still it’s amazing what Mike can make into a positive for the right while getting a case of the vapors if the left so much as fart.

No doubt Trump can raise the money. He could always start bathing in Fanta rather than freshly squeezed Oompa Loompas. Plus he can always sell a few more blinged up, gold plated, bibles and God Bless America sneakers. Hmm.

Mike did at least acknowledge that Stormy was a bit of an issue. I’m not sure I would have described confirmation of a criminal trial, over hush money paid to a porn star, concluding before the election, as being a good week. Mind you I probably wouldn’t have understated it as a bit of an issue, either. I guess I’m not as wordly as Mike.

Russell Coutts: 7/10 Hero of the week. He laid it out plain and simple and told a few home truths. 

Yep, our slippery tongued trickster was not only trumpeting Trump, but his hero of the week, O Captain, My Captain, was none other than poster boy for entitlement, Russell Coutts.

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There was no mention of why he deemed Russell to be so heroic, beyond his laying it out plain and keeping it simple. I’m loathe to use the word but in addition to admiring Coutts for keepin’ it real was this empathy for another? Did Mike feel for this man in his hour of privilege?

Or was it simply that the Hoskings keep dolphins in their pool at home? To be replaced as they lose their looks, and/or, minds from close confinement. The dolphins, that is, not Kate. Oh and don’t worry about the used ones. Taxidermy is a big part of the local economy. Along with artisan breads and olive oils.

Russell Coutts actually imports the stuffed ones to Waiheke. The dolphins, not the olives. Apparently the ones he gets from sailing regattas are no good - something to do with the foiling blades going at high speed. Coutts has even complained that if he’d wanted a bloody zebra mounted on his wall he’d have taken up truck racing.

The budget update: 4/10 Man, do we need the money. This lot really have inherited the most astonishing fiscal incompetence. 

There are a couple of interesting sentences there, let’s start with the second.

I find it telling that rather than moaning about his beloved National receiving a difficult fiscal situation, a challenging set of books, he instead said they were inheriting fiscal incompetence.

A little jab, or warning signal, in the direction of Mrs Willis? Letting her know that he’s feeling uncomfortable and if a scapegoat is needed by National, if they fail to get back on track to the land of eternal sunshine and skyrocketing capital gains, she’s top of the list? Best not muck it up Willis.

But the second part - we need the money - I wonder who the “we” is he’s referring to?

I’m pretty sure he doesn’t mean the police, or caregivers. Does he mean he and Kate? I suppose those dolphins must eat a lot of fish. Pre taxidermy I mean, they’re probably a lot cheaper after that. Hmm I feel like maybe there is an analogy there that shouldn’t be spoken of too much in case Hosking gets any ideas - that would be dangerous.

Rockel’s Rogues’ Gallery.

Shane Jones: 1/10

The king of kaimoana said he, Shane Jones the fisherman’s friend, could save old mate Couttsy from sashiming the protected marine mammals. According to Jones, Flipper and his mates “could've been shooed away with technology used by fishing boats.”

Curious, normally Jones is keen on not including technology on fishing boats. But that isn’t why his score is so low.