In the Waiting Line
Fourth Quarter Update: For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of New Zealand.
Do you believe
In what you see
Motionless wheel
Nothing is real
Wasting my time
In the waiting line
Do you believe in
What you see
Songwriters: Henry Binns, Sam Hardaker, Sophie Alexandra Jessica Barker
October already. This year feels like it’s going quickly, provided you don’t count it out in WTF moments from the coalition.
Before we know it, there will be Christmas tunes playing in the malls, a post-mortem on the government’s first year, and Shane Jones, a false beard but belly au naturel, handing out coal to all the little kids and calling them “woke” when they cry about climate change.
They’re not keen on the “woke” over at NZ First. This was tweeted from the party account yesterday:
It’s all just role-playing, of course, and anything for votes. I do wonder if Shane Jones imagined he’d be playing a pantomime villain at this stage in his career.
Before all that, a real treat. Some governments are renowned for their kindness or for building things like cycleways or hospitals, but ours is an absolute expert in producing plans. If you think you’ve seen them all, don’t worry, there will be another one along any minute. Yesterday afternoon we heard the latest.
The Prime Minister announced the end of his third-quarter plan and the beginning of his fourth and final plan for the year. For Make Benefit Glorious Nation of New Zealand, if you get the reference to Borat, with a tinge of Soviet five-year planning.
“There will be no slowing down as we approach the end of the year,” he began. I thought steady on, mate; you haven’t actually done anything yet except cut stuff. It’s great you’re not taking a break, it’s more the getting started in the first place I’m worried about.
I thought maybe it was a Simeon Brown thing, this No Slowing Down. Not content with raising the speed limit outside of schools; perhaps there is a new efficiency gain to be had at Give Way signs - by not. I can see the little ferret whining about it now…
“Research shows that ninety-nine times out of a hundred if you just keep going at intersections, you won’t hit anything. We need to stop being so woke and ruining everyone’s fun for a minority. From now on - no slowing down at Give Way signs. Oh, and you no longer have to stop at Stop Signs on Sundays; the lord is watching and will guide you.”
Luxon said his next quarterly plan would focus on infrastructure, which seemed unlikely. Maybe he meant there was more infrastructure to be cancelled, and they would focus on that? Or perhaps he was thinking of outsourcing things to the private sector?
I heard a vague echo of National Leaders past rabbiting on about shovel-ready projects and thought of Simeon Brown with his spade and shiny gumboots.
The PM said they were being transparent about Dunedin Hospital, by which I assume he meant now, not earlier when they were making promises about it and not disclaiming the small print. He didn’t seem against the idea of building a hospital - but said it had to be done within budget.
Fair enough too. We can’t just have easily foreseeable overruns from things such as increased building costs that everyone except National knew existed, tipping over the house of cards that is Nicola’s budget. It’s not like we’re talking about roads here, in which case it would obviously be a blank cheque.
Luxon was asked if he should have paid a Capital Gains Tax (CGT) on his recent apartment sale, he said “no” because we don’t have one. An interesting insight as to what his views on other things might be if there were no rules.
To be fair, it’ll be a cold day in hell before we see a rational discussion about a CGT, and there will no doubt be an increasing number of articles claiming that the sky will fall if we introduce one. Fortunately for Luxon, Labour still can’t decide whether to campaign on one or not. Only enhancing the legend that supporting one, even if polls show it would be supported by the majority, is electoral suicide.
In my view, not making a decision is damaging. This is a bit off-topic, but at some point, Labour needs to piss or get off the pot. They need to be upfront if they are to campaign credibly on a CGT. You can’t go to the electorate with a last-minute decision that makes it look like you’re unsure yourself. If they don’t want to support one, then step aside, other parties are willing to represent those who want the tax burden more fairly spread.
Luxon has now moved into stately Premier House following what he described as “basic elemental maintenance”, which sounded like preventative action to avoid poltergeists or something. Asked if it felt like it was “Home Sweet Home”, he said it was the place he “operated from”. Perhaps he is doing his bit to help out the struggling health sector with a bit of home surgery. Maybe Dr Shane made him an honorary surgeon?
They moved to the reversal of the oil and gas ban, which they want to do as quickly as possible. The Prime Minister said, “We are a government that cares about the environment.” Which in a highly competitive field may well be the stupidest, most dishonest thing he has ever said.
You’re really not, Christopher. Whether it’s the removal of environmental protections and climate change measures, defunding public transport, or this reversal, you are without question a government that doesn’t give a stuff about the environment.
Talking about Green energy alternatives like wind and solar, the PM said, “In a year like we have had this year, our lake levels are low, the wind doesn't blow the sun doesn't shine as much (we can then be) in trouble.”
The same dumb argument that’s always used to justify the ongoing digging up of fossil fuels. I’m surprised he didn’t say windmills would give people cancer, like Trump…
In case you missed it and are wondering if this crosses the now barely perceptible line over to satire, a few years ago, Trump said:
“Big windmills … destroy everybody’s property values, kill all the birds.” They’re unreliable, he claimed, darkening people’s homes. “And then, all of a sudden, it stops; the wind and the televisions go off,” he added. “And your wives and husbands say, ‘Darling, I want to watch Donald Trump on television tonight. But the wind stopped blowing and I can’t watch. There’s no electricity in the house, darling.’ ”
Luxon didn’t have to go that far to look idiotic; he simply needed to intone the “Coal is Life” slogan at a time when others were finding it really wasn’t.
If the lakes, wind, and sunshine in the UK are sufficient to eliminate coal-powered plants, then surely ours are. Yes, they have nuclear power, but that only accounts for 15% of their generation, and they have many times more people than we do.
Luxon did announce a whole bunch of things they would be doing and ones they had completed, but it was hard to take seriously as they just seemed like baby steps, micro-actions on a plan, being rebranded as achievements. Not that it stopped David Seymour from claiming half of them.
“For the fourth plan in a row, ACT voters have made a disproportionate impact – more than half of the plan’s action points reflect our contribution,” said Seymour.
The big promises this quarter were:
Caring for the Environment I - Pass the Fast Tracks Bill
Caring for the Environment II - Fully remove agriculture from the Emissions Trading Scheme
Caring for the Environment III - Pass legislation to reverse the ban on oil and gas exploration.
Introduce legislation to address stalking
Launch a new smokefree plan
You have to wonder what the new smokefree plan is. Perhaps free samples for school kids? Aunty Casey says five a day helps you work, rest, and play. Enjoy your free smokes, kids.
The elephant in the room was the issue of the Cook Strait ferries, which the government appears to have parked in the “too hard” basket. The PM only committing to have more to say by the end of the year. A piss poor effort, any way you look at it, demonstrating a distinct lack of leadership on an issue that many Kiwis are concerned about.
To be fair to the PM, his lack of commitment to resolve the ferry debacle isn’t that big a deal, not considering the value of his word.
Yes, just two weeks ago, Otago mayors were still being told they would get their hospital. Maybe Luxon has learned that after three quarters of hollow promises with bugger all delivered, he might like to keep quiet rather than blurting out the first thing that comes into his head because he thinks it’s what people want to hear.
Cadogan, the Mayor of Clutha, said, “The prime minister categorically made the statements at election time. He would have known then that it's an inflationary time - he also knew that he was going to do huge tax reliefs. ...You can't have your tax relief and eat it as well - if it doesn't balance, they're the government and they should have known it.
$14b of tax reliefs, and then 'Duh, I haven't got the money'... we're getting told porkies.”
The Prime Minister promoted his achievements, but he must know that these two issues - the ferries and the Dunedin hospital - are real problems for the government.
Many in this country are happy to ignore job losses among public servants, the environmental damage caused by extracting fuels, or the headlong rush to see how bad climate change can get. But I’m sure many of those people are quite concerned about the lack of ferry or hospital replacements.
And all the ticking off of incremental steps to create the illusion of progress won’t help the glaring reality of those situations.
If the intention of yesterday’s effort was to demonstrate a leader in control and with his finger on the pulse it was anything but. Despite their electoral choices last October, Kiwis aren’t dumb, and these feeble attempts to pull the wool over our eyes will only work so long.
I’m sure, somewhere deep inside, perhaps in the vacant gap where guts ought to be, Luxon must know he is losing control. How many more meaningless quarterly updates will there be before the vultures begin to circle? Perhaps like Chris Bishop, it’s best not to look up.
"Lets be clear" ... "I get it" ... "I'm wealthy" Luxon says. "His parents left school at 16" he says. So did mine. So did most of our parents. He went to university and worked hard. So did many thousands of us over the years. What makes it any different for him? Is he making excuses for his wealth, while the rest of us are deemed to have been lazy good for nothings?
I admire you Nick - and others - who read all the fine print and pass the information on to the rest of us. I can't do it anymore. It's too gobsmacking and depressing. We have a clown in charge of a bunch of second-rate political performers who don't know what they are doing, or they do know but don't care.
Ok, I'm now convinced, for the good of the Country, that Luxon, Brown, Reti, Seymour, et al, are all Shovel-ready projects. Well, at least the back of the shovel.