You're nearly a good laugh
Almost a joker
With your head down in the pig bin
Saying, 'Keep on digging.'
Pig stain on your fat chin
What do you hope to find
Down in the pig mine?
You're nearly a laugh
You're nearly a laugh
But you're really a cry
Songwriter: Roger Waters.
NZ First - Kiwi Battlers.
Say what you like about NZ First. Go on; I’ll wait. Get it all off your chest.
Sure, they’ve become the party of the pro-Covid Cookers. Entertaining conspiracies and taking it to the man by re-electing our longest-serving, pinstripe-wearing party leader who has chowed through troughs of baubles - as the anti-establishment option.
But you know, when it comes down to it, they’ve got good old Kiwi values and are not afraid to say it how it is. You know, those things we all think privately but are too afraid to voice due to political correctness, right?
They’ve said some crazy things about Māori, about trans people, and, well, all sorts of folks, really. But they don’t really mean it, do they?
It’s just a silly act for voters who watch too much Fox News. Do you really think Shane Jones is worried about seeing someone’s genitals in a public bathroom? He probably wishes he could still see his own.
Ah Jones, Shane Jones, the man who sees himself as the spiritual leader of NZ’s red cap wearers, adopting any position that will piss off the woke left. Sometimes, you wonder if anything of the original young man with such promise remains.
You’ll get no argument from me that Casey Costello is corrupt beyond comprehension. In any other political party—maybe even ACT—her behaviour would be seen as an affront to all that is decent. Meanwhile, Winston Peters appears to have wandered off the reservation altogether.
Still, there’s one thing you can count on about the party. They’ll always stand up for salt of the earth, Kiwi battlers. And so it was yesterday.
All is forgiven, Shane, I thought. You little beauty, finally someone willing to stick it to those Aussie banks for shafting we Kiwis all these years with barely a pretence of competition that might lower interest rates—or profits.
I was confused about why the headline referred to banks as being 'woke'. Still, I guess when you’re Shane Jones, everything and everyone is woke. Except for Winston, obviously—the old man hasn’t handed over the keys just yet. It's best to show a bit of respect - he likes that sort of thing.
Turns out Shane Jones wasn’t going into battle for everyday Kiwis, you know, the people who elect him. Nope, it turns out that he feels more compelled to fight the corner of the poor defenceless… Can you guess what it is?
Fossil Fuel companies.
Yes, Jones is spending his time in government trying to ensure that Australian banks treat businesses fairly, even if the borrowing company operates in a sector, such as fossil fuels, where the bank has chosen not to invest.
You know, on account of the fact that climate change is starting to alter the conditions for life on this planet and jeopardise how long they remain suitable for us.
To be fair to the banks, they’ve probably got people in departments who deal with insurance saying, “We’re going to take a bath on the impacts of climate change, and you want to give these guys money to wreck the planet even faster? Are you mad? Why don’t you go and lend some money to tobacco companies - we also sell life insurance, you know. FFS!”
But no, Shane and his Aussie mates want to ensure that those who have become immensely rich in return for sacrificing our descendants’ future quality of life get access to credit. It’s what people elected him for.
Are you serious?
What next, Jones? Maybe put some pressure on KiwiSaver funds to invest in landmines or other armaments?
Sorry for the false equivalence. Clearly, fossil fuels are going to kill a hell of a lot more people than land mines ever did.
In fact, fossil fuel companies are bringing the minefield to you. Whose turn is it this year to be struck by climate change? Oh, look, it’s Northland - Jones country; at the risk of sounding insensitive, might that be karma?
BOOM!
So why has NZ First’s Shane Jones joined forces with Australian MPs to fight ‘woke’ banks? (Please note the linked article in the Herald is paywalled).
Well, back in 2021, when most world governments considered Climate Change to be real, banks signed up to a pledge to drive emissions to net zero. As a result, the Net-Zero Banking Alliance (NZBA) would look less favourably at funding fossil fuels.
Nowadays, politicians have moved on, and especially with Trump's re-election, the old considerations of diversity, equity, inclusion, and taking responsibility for environmental impacts have fallen out of favour. Within a month, America’s six largest banks left the NZBA, and four large Canadian banks also left.
Now, Shane's mates over the ditch—who are MPs from the opposition Liberal/National parties and not the Australian government—want the ANZ, CBA, Westpac, and NAB to leave the alliance, saying it “risks hurting the competitiveness and access to finance for Australian mining, manufacturing, and farming businesses.”
Unfortunately for the good folks over at ATLAS, the Aussies still have a left-wing government. One that is still annoyingly focused on people and the planet rather than profits, so what do they do to keep the rest of the old Five Eyes crew in check?
I imagine they thought to themselves, “Who’s our local rep in the area?” as another replied, “A bloke called Jones, he’ll say anything he’s told and doesn’t care how much he annoys people. In fact, he seems to enjoy it. He can’t wait to start wrecking the environment, and he doesn’t even care about the oil and gas; his profile says he does it just for the thrill of winding up woke lefties.”
Speaking of which…
“Send the Mexicans home.”
Following on from National Minister Todd McClay yelling, “You’re not in Mexico now”, last year, Shane Jones said, “Hold my cerveza,” and started yelling about sending Mexicans home as if he was enjoying one of his MAGA wet dreams.
“Trump! Trump! Send the Mexicans home!” he jeered, and “Call Mr Trump! Call Mr Trump!”
If you’ve missed the resumption of parliament this week with Drunkle Winston shouting at clouds and pretty much everything else, then you might enjoy the following. Or something. Sheesh.
As a result of these actions, the Greens have written to the Prime Minister and the Speaker.
NZ First leader Winston Peters decided his best course of action was to avoid telling the truth about his comments to Green MPs Lawrence Xu-Nan and Francisco Hernandez when he said they should “show some gratitude” for being in New Zealand.
“Of course, it’s not anti-immigrant sentiment. Why would you come to that stupid conclusion?” said Winston and prattled on without apology before ending with, “If you can’t take it, go somewhere else. Or are you too soft for that?”
Mexico-born Green MP Ricardo Menéndez March said, “People who wish to cause harm and violence on migrant communities end up feeling empowered and emboldened when they see people in positions of power saying those outwardly racist and xenophobic things.”
“We are already seeing attacks on migrant communities on places like public transport and other parts of the community."
March added that NZ First was “straight up taking a page out of the Trump book,” and it’s hard to argue with that.
If we had a Prime Minister with any integrity whatsoever, he would rein in the Trumpian behaviour of Jones and Peters. But we don’t, and that’s the point. The absolute vacuum of leadership in Aotearoa since Luxon came to power means that racist bully boys like Shane and Winston can do whatever they want.
The bloke who is supposed to be in charge simply turns a blind eye, probably while having a chuckle to himself. And again, the Prime Minister is an enabler, just as he has been with ACT, normalising racism, which will only encourage it to spread.
Here are some more words from Ricardo, which I very much agree with:
“This is a clear pattern of behaviour by government ministers, and as I've said, this is a matter for the prime minister. He needs to show leadership and be really clear that this sort of behaviour is unacceptable because it emboldens people outside of these four walls who wish to cause harm to our migrant communities and wish to delegitimise migrant communities' participation in our democracy.”
Well said, that man. I reckon he demonstrates Kiwi values far more than Jones or Peters, regardless of where he was born.
As for the PM, could he finally grow a pair?
What do you think about Climate Change being woke and some of our most senior politicians telling immigrants who have every right to be here, and to be in parliament, to go home?
Thirty-five years ago, believe it or not, that’s how long ago 1990 was, a three-piece band of weirdos called Primus put out an album called Fizzle Fry. I loved it.
As an aspiring musician, the bassist Les Claypool blew my mind playing multiple parts - a bass line with his thumb while strumming higher range chords percussively with the backs of his fingers - and all while singing lead vocals. To play live with them, much less join the band, would’ve been a dream.
Roll forward more than a third of a century, and yesterday afternoon, RNZ published this article: Kiwi drummer faces agonising wait after audition with US prog rock band Primus. So that’s pretty damn cool, I hope the dude gets the gig.
The video below has Les with another of his weird collectives, Les Claypool's Fearless Flying Frog Brigade, covering Pink Floyd’s Pigs (Three Different Ones).
Which sounds like a song written about our coalition, but as I’m sure most of you will know, is a track from Pink Floyd’s fabulous album, Animals. Hope you enjoy it, and have a great day, all you lovely people. 🙂
I am Maori and whakapapa to the Far North and I feel anger and shame for the two so called leaders of NZ First. They do not carry themselves with mana. Their default is to deride, belittle and overwhelm with ridiculous statements and in Jones’ case an overuse of the word ‘woke’ and a blizzard of pompous and pretentious words. Watching Winston mangle his words in his faux outrage re Aotearoa, the Green Party members and being asked to follow tikanga…he looked like a fool. A dangerous useful idiot - aiding and abetting the rascists in our country who are no longer afraid to overtly display their ignorance and bigotry. O’Connor did his job in pulling Winston up. Now Luxon do your job and scurry under the carpet where you sweep all the bad behaviour, and then come out and tell us you and Winston had a conversation.
They're truly appalling - and this is not funny, because their words and actions are causing real harm to people and planet. Note that Winston objected to the speaker's use of the word "tikanga" and forced him to translate. Continuous, insidious suppression of te reo Maori and tangata whenua right there. They must be stopped!