Lyin' Luxon

and his tobacco goons.

All we want is a touch of truth
not cue-card words for the polling booth
this ballhead man and his MacDonalds wisdom
selling soap or a new tax system

So begin the lyrics for the new single, “Lyin’ Luxon (and his tobacco goons)”, from Darren Watson - released just this morning. You can check it out at the end of this newsletter.

I’ve included a number of comments from readers and friends today, so if you see a quote with a first name - that’s where it’s from. Thanks to all who contributed.

For example…

Janine: “I feel that the people a leader surrounds himself with says everything about them. We have a mercenary, a spoilt rich girl princess, a psychopath ( take your pick) lots of yes men and women and a load of not very bright sycophants.”

We didn’t hear a lot of truth during the election campaign, but we certainly heard a lot of slogans. Policies and promises that sounded good to the voters targeted, even if the reality didn’t stand up to scrutiny.

B: “We knew national had no policies before the election. We knew they would say the finances were a disaster. We knew they would reverse any socially useful policies legislated by Labour. We knew Luxon wouldn’t be able to string together any original meaningful sentences. National never changes from one election to the next.”

So we end up with the failed policies of the past reheated...

Tired old trickle-down economics. The government cuts taxes for the wealthy, paid for in this case by cuts to public services, which stimulates the economy and everybody benefits. Hurrah!

Sounds great, and everybody loves a tax cut. Even when anyone with economic credibility knows the country can’t afford one. But the funny thing is the wealth never does trickle down, it only trickles up. Yet people buy into it time after time.

Ye olde crackdown on Law and Order. From banning gang patches, to covering up tattoos, to locking up troubled kids in Boot Camps. These initiatives have consistently proven not to work and yet they appeal to a mob who are fed up with crime and gangs. So people vote for them, even though they didn’t work last time either.

As Chlöe Swarbrick found talking to David Seymour on Monday, if you try and explain the facts, then they’ll simply yell populist slogans even louder, as if to nullify reality - and it works. At least for a while.

Eventually they’ll get found out, but it’s early days yet. There are years of damage ahead before people wake up to that. So let’s start at the beginning…

Do you remember when it was first announced that John Key’s mate Christopher Luxon was entering politics? National had struggled with a succession of leaders and there was tremendous excitement about the arrival of Key 2.0.

It was all smiles when former Prime Minister Sir John Key visited National Party leader Christopher Luxon on election day. Photo: Lawrence Smith/Stuff.

Such was the enthusiasm for the second coming that Luxon was fast tracked to the top. Like a fry cook being promoted to GM McDonalds NZ, without bothering with any of the usual roles in between.

Other than knowing he was John’s mate and that he’d been running Air NZ ( boy did we hear a lot about that! ), most of us didn’t know a lot about the bloke who’d spent much of his career in America selling deodorant. Why did he want to lead us?

Giving up the relatively simple life of running an airline. One that’s essentially a monopoly and would no doubt be underwritten by the government if things really hit the fan. To go to a role where he’d be under intense scrutiny and where, when he was done, probably at least half the population would hate his guts.

An achievement he’s made remarkable, quite unprecedented progress towards already. So that’s something.

Bronwyn: “This government is giving us so much to be outraged about and all the bigots and racists are creeping out of the woodwork - it's as if all the hibernating vampires (or slaters) have finally obtained immunity to sunlight.”

If you think that all sounds a bit unfair to the bloke, then you might’ve forgotten just how popular our last elected PM, Jacinda Ardern, was pre 2022. The Jacinda-mania, the fairy dust, it was real and it drove the right crazy - how could they compete?

This clip from five years ago came up in my “memories” the other day. See if you can spot the differences between this and our current government. Warning - this might, as one viewer suggested, make you long for time travel.

Nobody’s talking about Luxo-mania. Not even ZB. The reality is nobody’s ever going to love Luxon like we loved Jacinda, he isn’t in it for the people. So why is he?

He isn’t driven by a desire to help others - or is he? Is that it? Is there in fact a deep desire to help people, rather than this all simply being a step towards getting a knighthood?

Is he in politics, not to alleviate the suffering of the bottom feeders, but to bring comfort to the wealthy. Those with multiple investment properties, those fed up with doing their bit to help the less fortunate?

But would people buy into that vision? The reverse Robin Hood of giving less to the poor and leaving more with the rich? Well some would, but it was best not to spell things out too clearly to the rest - eh Lyin’ Luxon?

Lyin’ Luxon
and his tobacco goons
if you smoke his cigarette
you know what you’re gonna get
if you take this man’s advice
well, you don’t think once
so you better think twice

There was no fairy dust, but that didn’t mean some weren’t looking forward to gifts.

Commercial backers, some call them donors but I prefer to think of them as investors, gave to the party excited about the blank canvas they had with Luxon upon which to write their wish list.

No doubt these investors will receive a good return on their money, it’ll be repaid many times over. I’m not suggesting that we call this corruption though. Kiwis are far too polite for that - even if we refer to the same activities overseas as exactly that.

But they weren’t the main benefactors. The last election wasn’t about the quid pro quo of business friendly legislation. It wasn’t even about tax cuts. That election was about one thing more than any other - property. Namely looking out for the interests of those who have it, with ambivalence for the rest.

Steph (as Luxon): “What I'm saying to you is, if you don't have 7 houses yourself, why are you even here?”

All I want is a room somewhere
where the rent’s not crazy and unfair
this whole damned thing being made much worse
by ol’ seven houses on the public purse

National are rebuilding the property market into the great in-equalizer it was under the Key government. Returning tax breaks for property investors, killing off any suggestion of a Capital Gains Tax, rolling back the Bright Line Test, and letting foreign buyers back into the market…

There was just one problem with that last bit. Poor old Christopher and his mate David didn’t get enough votes so they had to invite Peters to the party, even though they detested him. Winston’s traditionally been about as keen on foreigners as he has on journalists, or even worse - his former coalition partners from Labour.

We don’t need another demagogue
or the eight percent tail just a’ waggin’ the dog
anyone who won’t stand up for the treaty
sprayin’ ‘round hate like verbal graffiti

Luxon’s coalition negotiating skills appear to have consisted of saying “take whatever you want, as long as I’m the PM you can have the lot”. As a result we’ve received some rather unpleasant surprises with the coalition’s plans for te tiriti and tobacco. Neither of which look good for the health of the country.

Alex: “If the National Party had campaigned on the repeal of the anti-smoking legislation, would they have got in? The fact that they didn't campaign on this, but clearly had it on the agenda, should disqualify them from office.”

You can argue that’s down to MMP, but it should’ve been in the minds of voters on election day, and it wasn’t. The media did a very poor job at informing people of the consequences of the different coalition combos, instead focussing on the hilarious thought of Seymour and Peters being in cabinet together.

Helen: “I think he’s incredibly weak which has been demonstrated by the number of ACT and NZ First policies that have been adopted. He seems to have no understanding of what it means to be PM as everything he says has limited substance. He hasn't taken on any portfolios so he can shift any blame for stuff ups to the relevant minister. I have lived in NZ 40 years, he is without doubt the worst PM. He has no moral compass and would sell his soul for power.”

Some see the influence of Big Tobacco in the Smokefree changes, and while there’s undoubtedly been influence from lobbyists - including it seems writing Luxon’s speeches for him, there’s also another group that benefit.

Despite the risk of ram raiders targeting them, Sunny Kaushal and his association of dairy owners, would like to keep on selling cigarettes, thank you very much. Oh, and if that nice Casey Costello could see her way fit to slowing down tax increases on the things, then cha-ching!

But it’s Luxon’s actions in support of ACT’s Treaty Principles Bill that have left a lot of people angry or concerned.

Kerin: “Luxon epitomises everything that is abhorrent about right wing thinking. He’s neither intelligent nor articulate and his inability to give an answer to a simple question makes me want to scream! He speaks in meaningless slogans and seems to be totally deluded about his ability to do the job.

Having said that I do wonder if some cracks are showing - not allotting himself any portfolios, an utterly abysmal performance at Waitangi and then the recent absences from question time in parliament. Perhaps he is indeed fragile under that facade of arrogance and bluster.

Aside from everything that makes him clearly wrong for NZ in every way, I will never forgive him for enabling David Seymour to breathe life into his evil agenda. I still can’t believe how much we have lost in such a short time under his weak, visionless leadership.”

Many Kiwis voted for a change in government, not to benefit property investors, or to redefine te tiriti. They’re not rich, and they certainly don’t identify as being racist. Their primary concern, quite understandably, was the cost of living.

National promised tax cuts to help people get ahead, but it looks like those will have to be smaller than advertised if they’re to keep the fiscal discipline they boasted of. Not only that but in order to pay for the shrinking tax cuts we’ve seen a whole lot of spending stopped already - and you know they’re just getting started!

• Cancelling Three Waters will lead to massive rates increases.

• Free prescriptions are gone.

• Beneficiaries, those on the minimum wage, and those utilising fair pay agreements, will all earn significantly less than they would’ve otherwise.

• Housing prices will increase.

• Public transport subsidies are gone and EV owners will have to pay more annually, as well as upfront.

The additional costs will exceed the meagre tax cuts that most will receive. Particularly those doing it hardest who will find the cost of living even more difficult. Not easier, as promised.

Jude: “If Luxon, and his team for that matter, took the time to walk a mile in the shoes of those doing it hard, the people trying but still struggling, the people not trying because they don’t know how to or where to start, the lonely, and the people who are so affected they will never get to first base. Then maybe he’d realise how others feel, step up with leadership and empathy, and do the mahi required.”

Our reputation internationally will no doubt deteriorate. Many who looked to New Zealand as a positive example are aghast at our reversal of Smokefree legislation and the prospect that we might backtrack on legal commitments to the first people of this land.

You can add to that renewed fossil fuel exploration and extraction, and doing the absolute minimum they can on emissions. All while smiling nicely and claiming to take climate change, and the environment, seriously.

Roger: “It's probably wrong to judge a person, without knowing them. From the media, and other even more biased sources, we heard all through the campaign, as his popularity stayed low, that we just "needed to get to know him". I presume gadding about acting the fool and appearing so out of touch, he may as well be an alien, was his attempt to do that. Let's say he's succeeded, we do know him now. OMG! He's our Prime Minister, and we’re all doomed.

Perhaps a bit over the top, but we're all in for an unpleasant time for the next three years - at least. Those of us on the left of centre will grind our teeth, experience many “I told you so” moments and generally feel uneasy. Those of us who are Maori, on benefits, getting in trouble on the streets, gender diverse, homeless or the working poor will suffer unnecessarily. A few rich people will get richer, but we'll all be poorer for his leadership.”

“Wellington musician Darren Watson's new single Lyin' Luxon (and his Tobacco Goons) is an upbeat country-blues song about political dishonesty and cowardly 'expediency'.

Giving landlords tax cuts by gutting smokefree legislation, allowing a stupid, ill-informed debate about Te Tiriti o Waitangi - mostly so they can mine and drill wherever the f*** they like, cruelly making the lives of beneficiaries much, much worse against all expert advice, removing subsidies for electric vehicles that made sales of them immediately fall off a cliff, and generally ruling for the benefit of the top end of town.

All led by a craven, so-called Christian CEO-type with the vision and charisma of a slater.”

I really like this track, and I reckon you might too. If you do then please support Darren with some dollars for his hard work over at Bandcamp: