The maître d' showed the highly secret guest and his drinking companion into a private alcove and presented them with good cigars and whiskey, they had opted for the Boston Legal experience complete with a projection of that city at night.
The guest was a big fan of the show and had spent a long period when it was popular, and for some time afterwards, introducing himself at the start of meeting greetings as “Denny Crane”. He’d been wanting to try the experience and this felt like the ideal occasion given the gravitas of the discussion.
“Nikki” he said, “I’ve asked you here to check we’re on the same page when it comes to policy, the way things are looking in the polls a year from now you and I will be in charge.”
“I grew up watching the great leaders shape our world. First overseas it was Reagan and Thatcher”. They smiled and raised their glasses in a toast. “We had Douglas here, and then Richardson. All standing up to the tide of Communism, remember Nikki this was a world where the Berlin Wall was still intact”.
“Now a lot of my friends thought it was awful, how could people want such inequality in the world. They watched the Young Ones talk about Thatcher, using her name like a curse, and they said “right on” a lot. They listened to the edgy music of the time that described these heroes as villains, as if they were stealing from the mouths of babies. But not me Nikki, not me. I thought they were fantastic and I know you did too, that’s why we’re here, it’s our turn”.
“But” said Nicola “look at the UK they’re doing what you’re talking about, the pound has plunged and the economy is tanking! The economists there are describing borrowing to reduce taxes as like dousing the flames of inflation with petrol”.
“Oh yes, but our tax cuts are different than their tax cuts” the leader assured her. “How are they different?” she asked genuinely unsure. “Well they’re ours, aren’t they?”, Nicola looked stunned. “Besides, we don’t even use the pound” he said.
“But it’s not just about making a few people rich is it?” said Nicola, “it’s also about punishing people. Tell me more about that”. “Well we’ll be reducing benefits for poor choices. Nicola moaned, not in a complaining way. Then there’s the increased discipline…”
As the Leader began to list the ways they would make things more difficult for the less deserving a jovial Grant Robertson out celebrating the GDP numbers accidentally turned into their alcove, seeing who it was he sat down at a spare chair for a chat.
“You know, I grew up in the 80s, you’re old enough to remember that Chris, terrible times.” The leader nodded. “Ruling for the rich, putting the boot into workers, all for “freedom” from the red menace eh Chris”, Grant laughed, and so did the leader - he did remember.
“Awful days that saw workers rights and pay eroded, the crushing of unions, and a system where a few do well and an awful lot of people exist on low wages unable to avoid housing and other essentials”.
Grant looked around for a drink, “and now the people like Liz Truss and you and young Nikki here have decided that’s not enough and you’d like some more please. Yes, you’re lining up outside the poorhouse with your hands grasping for more, whatever the poor have left you want that too - is it ever enough?”
He looked at his empty glass and said “probably not” and wandered off.
The leader looked a bit embarrassed by the interruption and continued. “For forty years centre right politicians have been prescribing trickle down as the elixir to address inequality despite the evidence that it has the opposite effect. For all those decades the media have happily gone along with it nodding their heads - oh right tax cuts again very good, no need to point out it’s failed and failed and failed again”. He got a bit animated and lit his cigar in order to calm himself down.
“We’re going to borrow to pay for the cuts of course, but we’re not going to announce borrowing or any reduction in spending on services. No, we’re going to assume it can all be paid for by waste in the system. Things we can stop spending money on, billions of dollars worth of wasted funding we can just stop and no one will notice”.
Nikki interrupted, “but that’s like saying you want to buy a new sports car without borrowing or spending less on anything, you’re just going to assume you’ll find enough cash down the back of the couch or perhaps in the ‘random stuff’ kitchen drawer to cover it”.
The leader drew a cloud of smoke into his mouth and nodded, he wondered if he looked like the godfather. He thought about doing an impression but didn’t like to interrupt such an important moment of honesty between them.
“What do you reckon the car dealer would say if you rocked up at the car yard with that plan? Exactly he’d tell you to fuck off. So why after forty years don’t the public or the media do the same in response to trickle down?”
“It’s like having the vote but still supporting a nobility, a class everything is run for not as some clandestine conspiracy in the shadows but fully out in the open like - here you go vote for this so a few of us can be better off even though you’ll be worse off - and lots of people do! Hosking calls it aspirational - they think one day it’ll be them on top!”
“As for working class people, seriously what are they doing? Do they hate the people around them so much that they will throw themselves under a bus in order to see the others suffer too?”
There was another interruption, it was Ricardo, the most annoying of the Greens. Even their own supporters said - damn this guy is quite annoying, could we have Sue Bradford back instead? Then they’d run round washing their mouths out with eco-soap, which tastes awful but isn’t much use for actual cleaning.
Any how back to the communist intervention…
“What you are planning with tax cuts for the rich would be like taking a profitable company owned by the public and flogging it off to those who can afford it so they alone can enjoy the profits of an asset built for and owned by the public!”
“Like for example energy companies?”, suggested the leader, he feigned horror, “no one in their right mind would do that as a leader, stripping assets from the public to make the rich richer?” Ricardo thought maybe this guy understands after all but carried on in case he was being tricked, this happened to Ricardo a lot and he did not find it, or much else, amusing.
“Borrowing to give tax cuts isn’t just crazy economically it is theft. Burdening the public with debt in order to give money to the wealthy is stealing. I arrest you in the name of Che Guevara!”
At that point two men in dark glasses who had been standing in the shadows stepped forward and Ricardo was led away loudly protesting his rights. The leader continued now that it was just the two of them again.
“All the rest of it, you know the lazy racism, the law and order spiel, they are just gimmicks to get people who would be out of their minds to vote for us financially to vote for us. Plus of course we frame the elected government as communism”
“The elected government as communism? Jesus how stupid are these people?”, said Nikki. “Plenty stupid don’t you worry your pretty little head about that” replied the leader. Nicola glared at him “pretty little head? Are you kidding? You’re not on the set of Mad Men or in the boardroom now buddy.”
The leader ignored her protest and carried on, “We’ve got to paint a picture that everything is awful, it is all so much worse than it used to be - and we need them to believe it completely. It doesn’t matter if they’re currently doing the same or even doing better than they were before this government, they just need to remember that things are worse under this government. And don’t forger we’re not promising things will be better under us we’re just saying things are worse under them”.
Both feeling a bit giddy at the thought of it all they decided some fresh air was required but as they were exiting the alcove they ran into NZME political reporter Jason Walls, well regarded as the most malleable newcomer in the press corps.
Jason winked at the leader, doffed his hat and said “evening guv’nor secrets safe with me, didn’t hear a thing, especially didn’t hear anything about trickle down failing”.
The leader smiled at him and reached out his hand “nice to meet you Justin, Denny, Denny Crane”.
Nicola rolled her eyes then stepped towards Jason and made as though she was going to punch him right in the face, stopping a cm from his nose. “Psych - look village idiot if you don’t want to be a very miserable boy we were never here, that Susie from RNZ isn’t about is she?” she shuddered and looked around before kneeing him in the groin.
So depressing.! So much is stacked against this government. All the misinformation being pushed by the right of centre right. I do hope people realise that what is happening in the UK at present after Ms Truss at al 's tax cuts announcement , and then borrowing heavily is having the sort of outcomes that could happen here if NACT get into power. The UK economy is on a precipice. There is no steady hand there, like we have with Grant Robertson,and Adrian Ore . My Dunedin based son was aghast to hear that Liz Truss had won the nomination for Tory leader when Boris stood down. He, my son ,had read a lot about her, and her policies, and he said to me she has an awful attitude to less well off people and she is dangerous.I did agree with your view of Ricardo Mendes. He really is a pain in the proverbial. And I notice James Shaw is now making statements criticising the government after his leadership debacle. Just makes me want to sigh!!!
"I arrest you in the name of Che Chavana" , now there's a thought. Anybody with half a brain can see you are stealing from the treasury if you give tax cuts to the rich. Liz Truss is a cold bitch, and loves being seen as such, me reckons.