Thank you for sharing. You are a brave survivor. I can only imagine that the inquiry into state and religious abuse in this country must have stirred up many memories and feelings. I hope that you have found some peace 💓
Thank you Karen, it’s only lately I’ve found an inner peace about what happened and it definitely makes a difference being heard, listened too and believed.
What angers me is that the lessons aren’t learnt and that the “boot camps” will cause more harm than good.
Thank you David. My heart breaks for you and every child who has experienced this, so many. What is wrong with people? How does this happen over and over? I am so glad you are finding some inner peace. I have no idea how. Much love to you.
I’ve been asked over the years if I hate my abusers and that’s always been a conflict for me. Abusers abuse, it’s what they do. But I definitely hate the enablers, those that turn away, turn a blind eye as if what the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve about.
A wee story from when I got into trouble with the police.
I was sent to an assessment centre before the trial to see if I was competent etc and awaiting reports, i was 13 at the time, I was there for three months and I actually quite enjoyed it as there was less abuse, more regimented.
But there was one very weird situation.
There were two teachers who, if you behaved, did well, would take you somewhere for the weekend, be it a movie, visit to the zoo or a museum, even take you to a football match. All things that the poorer working class kids never did as it was an expensive luxury for most lower income families. Sometimes the teachers would let the kids stay at their house over night as it was too late to bring them back to the assessment centre.
All I know I was informed in my first week by the older residents, DO NOT be the good kid, do not go.
The other workers and staff, the adults, must have known this was happening, they were allowing those teachers to remove kids overnight.
Those two teachers do what they do. The others gave them the tools and permission to do it.
You are so right here David, it is absolutely the enablers that are to be condemned.. the ones who look away. There is incredible power and truth and bravery in in your sharing with us and l hope with every word the pain is lessened some. I’m not a religious person so not sure why l say this from time to time but god bless you mate, l hope you have found happiness. ✌🏻❤️
Thank you so much for your bravery in writing this, David. And for sharing it, Nick. For most of us reading this, it's another world away. It's a Dickensian treatment of our most vulnerable that most New Zealanders believe was left long ago in the past. Thank goodness some survivors like you have the strength to be able to report these evils. I only pray the report that's come out isn't lost amongst the daily catastrophes this government rains down on us. They've already buried their vicious assault on the disabled by handing the portfolio to another minister whose done precisely nothing with it. One flinch from the government, they need to be told.
Thank you for your strength and courage to share David. My vDad was abused in State care at a Catholic orphanage from the age of 8 to 16, and the misery he went thru transferred to us girls, and my mother. We understood where his pain came from and although there was empathy and understanding, we were also irreparable damaged. He feel they the cracks of this enquiry due to his age, and his later years saw him succumb to dementia and alzheimers. He passed away in yet another institution, a hospital, following more lack of care and rejection by a local dementia care unit who refuses to treat his kidney infections leading to his death last year. The misery and abuse continues today in ever more subtle ways. There will be no acknowledgement and apology for our Dad and seemingly no lessons learned given the boot camp mentality of this current govt. My gratitude to Labour for initiating this investigation, and for setting in motion the option of a formal apology and recognition for those who were part of it. May there be some healing for them at last.
Thank you for your kind words, Linda and my sympathy to you , your family and your father.
I know exactly what you mean by the transfer thing, I have two children, brown up now but I know that my upbringing affected their upbringing as I myself had no positive role models in parenting when I grew up ( the sins of the fathers and all that). I wish you and your family well x
Sadness overwhelms me. I’m trying not to get (too) angry because anger is what happens when people are not kind and not trying to make things better. Thank you David for telling us a bit of the evil that is out there…
Thank you David for sharing. It is so hard to read and listen to the realities of abuse in care. I was married at a young age to a man who had been sent to a Boarding School in NZ at 6 years of age. He never spoke of his experiences there, or later in Borstal but I understand now the anger within him that I experienced at his hand and the threat to my life if I should try to leave. Not being able to be vulnerable with me and having a deep fear of abandonment I can see now 50 years later were all related to those early years. Unfortunately he was killed on his motorbike at 22 and never got the chance to heal. My experience of living with him scarred me and it has taken me 50 years to understand the background to his behaviour (and that of my own father) and be able to forgive them both and myself. Abuse is generational and widespread in our society. It will take a huge change to our culture and systems to turn this around. Sadly the gains that Labour had started to make under Jacindas leadership are now set to be removed by these very greedy individualists now in charge.
Firstly, I like to think that what we are seeing is the last cry of a dying beast, that these old white men ( sorry to stereotype) see that their world is changing ( for the better) and they lament this loss of power because over the years this world is and has gotten better despite what the doomsayers will let you believe.
The older I get the more appreciate what this world has to offer and at 65 I have a love and curiosity about people and the world that makes me feel younger inside.
Reading your words I feel for you and your dead husband, I well understand the path he followed as it wasn’t until I reached my forties that I even mentioned anything that happened to me when younger and between the age of 16 till my late 30’s that lack of articulation was taken out on those around me. I was never violent to family ( I could never understand those that did because I remember how that felt) but to random strangers I had no qualms whatsoever, no empathy. Through my 20’s and 30’s I would go out approx once every three months and get drunk and fight with anyone who looked at me the wrong way, if I won, excellent, if I lost, I deserved it but the pain either way reminded me of my place in this world.
Apologies for the long reply but I’m actually finding replying quite therapeutic lol.
In the end I did walk away from family but it was because of an awareness inside myself I was living a life that I thought should be a certain way but wasn’t being true to myself and if I wasn’t being true to myself that wasn’t fair on my family.
Thank you for your comments David. Thats good you were able to keep the violence out of your family and completely understandable that your anger erupted when under the influence of alcohol it has a huge part to play in the cycle of violence. Yes we have to have hope that a generational change will happen, stopping physical violence in the home and grass roots groups like She is Not Your Rehab are so necessary so children don't need to be taken inI to "care"nin the first place.
That's good you are leading a life an authentic life and it helps you to talk about your pain. I have found reading books by Dr Gabor Matè and listening to his YouTube videos amazing. For me it's been about getting rid of the shame and finding forgiveness I hope all those who have been abused whether it be in state care or by their own family can do so too.
God, that's heart rending. The fact that you grew up to be a functioning adult is a credit to you.
My schooling in NZ was in the 50s, went to a well known public school, like your experience, it was brutal and sadistic, the prefects were allowed to cane you, and some of them really enjoyed the exercise.
and here we are doing boot camps.............of course they will be kind ones........people who think similar to the perpetrators in all Davids happenings.........a thread of that thinking is inside the whole concept of boot camps.........disgusting day for Aotearoa, and thanks for this honesty David. It is not so silly of me to say the thread of that thinking is still alive today.......we just have to look at Gaza, Ukraine and other off the news radar madness to find it.........and in the mouths of the orange mans trumpets and maga lovers.......in Netanyahu. That's why our house, in a Jacinda relive moment are captured by Kamala and her camapign......there is light, when we wake to a new day. Ya dunno what ya got till its gone.......................this light is the hope of the threaders of Davids kinda past being exposed and fucking thrown out ............that is the hope of of this dawn.
It's such a stake through the heart knowing abuse happened and is happening still. Absolute rage at perpetrators and enablers, but screaming frustration at the 'why' of it all, and that, in reality, we still, continually, seem no closer or clearer as to why people think it's ok. I appreciate the subtlety of repeating the past, but what is frightening to me the absence of self-awareness and empathy. That this government can champion boot camps in the same week the abuse in state care report is formally tabled is the ultimate insult because it illustrates so clearly their absence of consciousness, and I hate them for it, for all the children that have never been heard.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, David. It's a parallel world, a subterranean horror that runs like a dark river haunting the everyday. In my experience, it never goes away, it just needs to be acknowledged and allowed to flow, and every now and then it breaks its banks and floods into the everyday consciousness, when triggered by ... something the body remembers, the scent of something, the way furniture is arranged in a room, the feel of something, the tone and timbre of a voice. My trauma began later than yours; I was older than you when abuse began - so hard for you to be abandoned at 4 years old and now able to build some kind of inner peace about what happened to you. Huge respect to you. It helped me so much to be able to communicate about what happened to me, as I kept it hidden and unacknowledged for so long, not realising it was eating me alive. Now, it's acknowledged and allowed its space in my life. But it still bites me.
Thank you for reading and the kind words and you are so so right, I can not think about my young days at times but then something ( and I never know what it is) will trigger me and a memory will surface and you think to yourself oh that’s why I do what I do. Take care of yourself, find your peace and if you ever need to chat I’m happy to listen, I may not be able to help but I can definitely listen. Kia Kaha, Vivienne
This is a very tough read David and I thank you for sharing and admire the fact you have overcome this and made life better for yourself. Our tough on crime politicians should read your account and all of those in the “too heavy to read” report to Parliament. Our vacuous PM is a clueless and unprincipled twat.
This account reminded me of a colleagues story of her years in Nazareth House here in Christchurch, NZ. It definitely did happen here too. That said, similar abuse happened to me at home from parents in the 60's and 70's. That is why I worked in child abuse investigation and violence prevention and in prison rehabilitation services.
Exactly Susan, for me it’s not the institutions nor is it, to a degree, the people who commit the abuse, it’s the enablers who allow it to happen, it’s those who have a myopic vision of what will happen if you allow those with a predilection towards violence, be it physical or sexual, to be in a situation where they have access to those less vulnerable.
I once had an argument with someone about the Catholic Church in which I said priests aren’t child sex abusers, child sex abusers become priests ( they assume the mantle) so they can have that accessibility. Same goes for any other place it works, be it foster home, scouts den or whatever.
Thank you, Steve. I’m in a good head space at the moment and loving life. And if anything I appreciate what people and the world has to give, there is a lot of love out there. We just have to remind ourselves to share it
I know david it's off topic, but vaguely related. The language of love , kindness and not going back are like night and day comparing the energy and language around Harris and tRump. Night and day and any opposite you can name...............there is a lot of love out there, and hopefully David, it will triumph..(sheesh that word is ruined by association now)..........................I have abuse in my past........and have come to see love and kindness as being so very important. But as with Jacinda, and our own experiences....the world is going the way of those not being the popular values....and deemed weakness........but we know and hope differently. Stay well despite the past, that we all know isn't an always once dealt with and never to return. Lots to scrape over painful past stuff in todays world...in the news and off it.
OMG how cruel the human race can be - how terribly sad to suffer that pain and loneliness and lack of hope - sheer hell. The depth of damage shown by suspicion that love may not exist. I am so very sorry that happened.
Thank you, it’s hard to explain, I’ve always found it difficult to get to the nub of it. That there’s no “outer” (?). No sense of self as such I guess. I never had a sense of belonging to anyone, I met my mother 3-4 times over the age of 4-18 but she wasn’t Mother, I didn’t know her at all or miss her. Same with my father, who I met 4 times in my life and when we chatted it was like talking to a random person I’d just met in a pub.
Everyone else was an authority figure who just told me what to do,where to go, no bonding, no getting to know them. Other kids at the home? You never knew when they would leave and it was never a farewell situation, one minute there, next minute not, then other kid would show up, rinse and repeat.
There was never a belief that Love didn’t exist but just that it was another way to control or manipulate.
I well remember meeting a family who were very close and loving and voicing my suspicion that there was something seriously wrong with that family and couldn’t understand why others didn’t see it.
But for how cruel the Human Race can be I’m also testament to how Loving it can be, I’m met people over the years who have accepted me for who I am, shown me love and compassion and given me a faith in human nature that is maybe stronger in others because I’ve seen it at it’s worse.
You are amazing. You show the survival instinct despite horrific odds. So sad there wasn't one person when you were little who could have shown some caring. My great-grandson is turning 4 years old very shortly and it seems to me to be a peak time of having a strong sense of security in those around him. To think you didn't have that is just too awful to contemplate. It is amazing that you have a faith in human nature today after all that you suffered. I find the hypocrasy of those who had the power to do good yet did the worst of all, just so hard to stomach. Particularly religious people.
I was lucky that in my late teens and early 20’s i got the chance to travel overseas, mostly around Europe. I was a wee bit scared but knew I could handle myself but what I discovered was that no matter where I went people would be welcoming, curious about me, where I was from and I was witness to many acts of generosity. Looking back I’d say some were full hardy and I was placing myself in situation that any sane person would balk at ( maybe a death wish kind of thing? Fatalistic?) but people surprised me again and again, every time I expected the worse it never happened. Those type of experiences renew your faith in humanity.
The hypocrisy never comes from the common men and women it always seems to be those with that wee bit of power and want more or that sense of self- entitlement
Thanks for sharing your experience with us David. I keep thinking that the "Tough Love" vigilantes advocating Boot Camps are merely timid bourgeois, well insulated from that sort of childhood abuse and neglect, but nevertheless feel intimidated by those who survived. They feel threatened so their knee-jerk reaction is to overcompensate by perpetuating the draconian treatments they would be too cowardly to face themselves.
So ignorant, so fearful. Education, support and courage to expose the secrets and lies is so needed to have transparency for all institutions responsible for vulnerable people.
Oh my goodness - what can one say? it is so horrific, especially the image of that 4 year old, 6 year old...
I am so glad you have been able to come to a place pf inner peace David, but I also hope that has not squashed your inner rebel because I think that is what such a system wants: to be cowed into silence.
Och, don’t worry Lyn… the wee rebel is still there when it comes to those in authority and with those that see a black and white world, a them and us mentality.
And you’re right it is the silence they want, it’s in the silence that evil thrives , just remember that when you see it, point at it, declare it and the world will be a better place for it
Thank you for sharing. You are a brave survivor. I can only imagine that the inquiry into state and religious abuse in this country must have stirred up many memories and feelings. I hope that you have found some peace 💓
Thank you Karen, it’s only lately I’ve found an inner peace about what happened and it definitely makes a difference being heard, listened too and believed.
What angers me is that the lessons aren’t learnt and that the “boot camps” will cause more harm than good.
Thank you David. My heart breaks for you and every child who has experienced this, so many. What is wrong with people? How does this happen over and over? I am so glad you are finding some inner peace. I have no idea how. Much love to you.
I’ve been asked over the years if I hate my abusers and that’s always been a conflict for me. Abusers abuse, it’s what they do. But I definitely hate the enablers, those that turn away, turn a blind eye as if what the eyes don’t see, the heart doesn’t grieve about.
A wee story from when I got into trouble with the police.
I was sent to an assessment centre before the trial to see if I was competent etc and awaiting reports, i was 13 at the time, I was there for three months and I actually quite enjoyed it as there was less abuse, more regimented.
But there was one very weird situation.
There were two teachers who, if you behaved, did well, would take you somewhere for the weekend, be it a movie, visit to the zoo or a museum, even take you to a football match. All things that the poorer working class kids never did as it was an expensive luxury for most lower income families. Sometimes the teachers would let the kids stay at their house over night as it was too late to bring them back to the assessment centre.
All I know I was informed in my first week by the older residents, DO NOT be the good kid, do not go.
The other workers and staff, the adults, must have known this was happening, they were allowing those teachers to remove kids overnight.
Those two teachers do what they do. The others gave them the tools and permission to do it.
shocking........absolutely
You are so right here David, it is absolutely the enablers that are to be condemned.. the ones who look away. There is incredible power and truth and bravery in in your sharing with us and l hope with every word the pain is lessened some. I’m not a religious person so not sure why l say this from time to time but god bless you mate, l hope you have found happiness. ✌🏻❤️
Thank you so much for your bravery in writing this, David. And for sharing it, Nick. For most of us reading this, it's another world away. It's a Dickensian treatment of our most vulnerable that most New Zealanders believe was left long ago in the past. Thank goodness some survivors like you have the strength to be able to report these evils. I only pray the report that's come out isn't lost amongst the daily catastrophes this government rains down on us. They've already buried their vicious assault on the disabled by handing the portfolio to another minister whose done precisely nothing with it. One flinch from the government, they need to be told.
Thank you for your strength and courage to share David. My vDad was abused in State care at a Catholic orphanage from the age of 8 to 16, and the misery he went thru transferred to us girls, and my mother. We understood where his pain came from and although there was empathy and understanding, we were also irreparable damaged. He feel they the cracks of this enquiry due to his age, and his later years saw him succumb to dementia and alzheimers. He passed away in yet another institution, a hospital, following more lack of care and rejection by a local dementia care unit who refuses to treat his kidney infections leading to his death last year. The misery and abuse continues today in ever more subtle ways. There will be no acknowledgement and apology for our Dad and seemingly no lessons learned given the boot camp mentality of this current govt. My gratitude to Labour for initiating this investigation, and for setting in motion the option of a formal apology and recognition for those who were part of it. May there be some healing for them at last.
Thank you for your kind words, Linda and my sympathy to you , your family and your father.
I know exactly what you mean by the transfer thing, I have two children, brown up now but I know that my upbringing affected their upbringing as I myself had no positive role models in parenting when I grew up ( the sins of the fathers and all that). I wish you and your family well x
Sadness overwhelms me. I’m trying not to get (too) angry because anger is what happens when people are not kind and not trying to make things better. Thank you David for telling us a bit of the evil that is out there…
Thank you David for sharing. It is so hard to read and listen to the realities of abuse in care. I was married at a young age to a man who had been sent to a Boarding School in NZ at 6 years of age. He never spoke of his experiences there, or later in Borstal but I understand now the anger within him that I experienced at his hand and the threat to my life if I should try to leave. Not being able to be vulnerable with me and having a deep fear of abandonment I can see now 50 years later were all related to those early years. Unfortunately he was killed on his motorbike at 22 and never got the chance to heal. My experience of living with him scarred me and it has taken me 50 years to understand the background to his behaviour (and that of my own father) and be able to forgive them both and myself. Abuse is generational and widespread in our society. It will take a huge change to our culture and systems to turn this around. Sadly the gains that Labour had started to make under Jacindas leadership are now set to be removed by these very greedy individualists now in charge.
Firstly, I like to think that what we are seeing is the last cry of a dying beast, that these old white men ( sorry to stereotype) see that their world is changing ( for the better) and they lament this loss of power because over the years this world is and has gotten better despite what the doomsayers will let you believe.
The older I get the more appreciate what this world has to offer and at 65 I have a love and curiosity about people and the world that makes me feel younger inside.
Reading your words I feel for you and your dead husband, I well understand the path he followed as it wasn’t until I reached my forties that I even mentioned anything that happened to me when younger and between the age of 16 till my late 30’s that lack of articulation was taken out on those around me. I was never violent to family ( I could never understand those that did because I remember how that felt) but to random strangers I had no qualms whatsoever, no empathy. Through my 20’s and 30’s I would go out approx once every three months and get drunk and fight with anyone who looked at me the wrong way, if I won, excellent, if I lost, I deserved it but the pain either way reminded me of my place in this world.
Apologies for the long reply but I’m actually finding replying quite therapeutic lol.
In the end I did walk away from family but it was because of an awareness inside myself I was living a life that I thought should be a certain way but wasn’t being true to myself and if I wasn’t being true to myself that wasn’t fair on my family.
Thank you for your comments David. Thats good you were able to keep the violence out of your family and completely understandable that your anger erupted when under the influence of alcohol it has a huge part to play in the cycle of violence. Yes we have to have hope that a generational change will happen, stopping physical violence in the home and grass roots groups like She is Not Your Rehab are so necessary so children don't need to be taken inI to "care"nin the first place.
That's good you are leading a life an authentic life and it helps you to talk about your pain. I have found reading books by Dr Gabor Matè and listening to his YouTube videos amazing. For me it's been about getting rid of the shame and finding forgiveness I hope all those who have been abused whether it be in state care or by their own family can do so too.
God, that's heart rending. The fact that you grew up to be a functioning adult is a credit to you.
My schooling in NZ was in the 50s, went to a well known public school, like your experience, it was brutal and sadistic, the prefects were allowed to cane you, and some of them really enjoyed the exercise.
And you knew the one’s that did it for enjoyment. Thank you for reading and replying
and here we are doing boot camps.............of course they will be kind ones........people who think similar to the perpetrators in all Davids happenings.........a thread of that thinking is inside the whole concept of boot camps.........disgusting day for Aotearoa, and thanks for this honesty David. It is not so silly of me to say the thread of that thinking is still alive today.......we just have to look at Gaza, Ukraine and other off the news radar madness to find it.........and in the mouths of the orange mans trumpets and maga lovers.......in Netanyahu. That's why our house, in a Jacinda relive moment are captured by Kamala and her camapign......there is light, when we wake to a new day. Ya dunno what ya got till its gone.......................this light is the hope of the threaders of Davids kinda past being exposed and fucking thrown out ............that is the hope of of this dawn.
It's such a stake through the heart knowing abuse happened and is happening still. Absolute rage at perpetrators and enablers, but screaming frustration at the 'why' of it all, and that, in reality, we still, continually, seem no closer or clearer as to why people think it's ok. I appreciate the subtlety of repeating the past, but what is frightening to me the absence of self-awareness and empathy. That this government can champion boot camps in the same week the abuse in state care report is formally tabled is the ultimate insult because it illustrates so clearly their absence of consciousness, and I hate them for it, for all the children that have never been heard.
Thank you for sharing your experiences, David. It's a parallel world, a subterranean horror that runs like a dark river haunting the everyday. In my experience, it never goes away, it just needs to be acknowledged and allowed to flow, and every now and then it breaks its banks and floods into the everyday consciousness, when triggered by ... something the body remembers, the scent of something, the way furniture is arranged in a room, the feel of something, the tone and timbre of a voice. My trauma began later than yours; I was older than you when abuse began - so hard for you to be abandoned at 4 years old and now able to build some kind of inner peace about what happened to you. Huge respect to you. It helped me so much to be able to communicate about what happened to me, as I kept it hidden and unacknowledged for so long, not realising it was eating me alive. Now, it's acknowledged and allowed its space in my life. But it still bites me.
Muckle lo'e tae ye.
Thank you for reading and the kind words and you are so so right, I can not think about my young days at times but then something ( and I never know what it is) will trigger me and a memory will surface and you think to yourself oh that’s why I do what I do. Take care of yourself, find your peace and if you ever need to chat I’m happy to listen, I may not be able to help but I can definitely listen. Kia Kaha, Vivienne
This is a very tough read David and I thank you for sharing and admire the fact you have overcome this and made life better for yourself. Our tough on crime politicians should read your account and all of those in the “too heavy to read” report to Parliament. Our vacuous PM is a clueless and unprincipled twat.
This account reminded me of a colleagues story of her years in Nazareth House here in Christchurch, NZ. It definitely did happen here too. That said, similar abuse happened to me at home from parents in the 60's and 70's. That is why I worked in child abuse investigation and violence prevention and in prison rehabilitation services.
Exactly Susan, for me it’s not the institutions nor is it, to a degree, the people who commit the abuse, it’s the enablers who allow it to happen, it’s those who have a myopic vision of what will happen if you allow those with a predilection towards violence, be it physical or sexual, to be in a situation where they have access to those less vulnerable.
I once had an argument with someone about the Catholic Church in which I said priests aren’t child sex abusers, child sex abusers become priests ( they assume the mantle) so they can have that accessibility. Same goes for any other place it works, be it foster home, scouts den or whatever.
Thanks for sharing your experience David. It makes harrowing reading. I wish you well for now and the future.
Thank you, Steve. I’m in a good head space at the moment and loving life. And if anything I appreciate what people and the world has to give, there is a lot of love out there. We just have to remind ourselves to share it
I know david it's off topic, but vaguely related. The language of love , kindness and not going back are like night and day comparing the energy and language around Harris and tRump. Night and day and any opposite you can name...............there is a lot of love out there, and hopefully David, it will triumph..(sheesh that word is ruined by association now)..........................I have abuse in my past........and have come to see love and kindness as being so very important. But as with Jacinda, and our own experiences....the world is going the way of those not being the popular values....and deemed weakness........but we know and hope differently. Stay well despite the past, that we all know isn't an always once dealt with and never to return. Lots to scrape over painful past stuff in todays world...in the news and off it.
OMG how cruel the human race can be - how terribly sad to suffer that pain and loneliness and lack of hope - sheer hell. The depth of damage shown by suspicion that love may not exist. I am so very sorry that happened.
Thank you, it’s hard to explain, I’ve always found it difficult to get to the nub of it. That there’s no “outer” (?). No sense of self as such I guess. I never had a sense of belonging to anyone, I met my mother 3-4 times over the age of 4-18 but she wasn’t Mother, I didn’t know her at all or miss her. Same with my father, who I met 4 times in my life and when we chatted it was like talking to a random person I’d just met in a pub.
Everyone else was an authority figure who just told me what to do,where to go, no bonding, no getting to know them. Other kids at the home? You never knew when they would leave and it was never a farewell situation, one minute there, next minute not, then other kid would show up, rinse and repeat.
There was never a belief that Love didn’t exist but just that it was another way to control or manipulate.
I well remember meeting a family who were very close and loving and voicing my suspicion that there was something seriously wrong with that family and couldn’t understand why others didn’t see it.
But for how cruel the Human Race can be I’m also testament to how Loving it can be, I’m met people over the years who have accepted me for who I am, shown me love and compassion and given me a faith in human nature that is maybe stronger in others because I’ve seen it at it’s worse.
You are amazing. You show the survival instinct despite horrific odds. So sad there wasn't one person when you were little who could have shown some caring. My great-grandson is turning 4 years old very shortly and it seems to me to be a peak time of having a strong sense of security in those around him. To think you didn't have that is just too awful to contemplate. It is amazing that you have a faith in human nature today after all that you suffered. I find the hypocrasy of those who had the power to do good yet did the worst of all, just so hard to stomach. Particularly religious people.
I was lucky that in my late teens and early 20’s i got the chance to travel overseas, mostly around Europe. I was a wee bit scared but knew I could handle myself but what I discovered was that no matter where I went people would be welcoming, curious about me, where I was from and I was witness to many acts of generosity. Looking back I’d say some were full hardy and I was placing myself in situation that any sane person would balk at ( maybe a death wish kind of thing? Fatalistic?) but people surprised me again and again, every time I expected the worse it never happened. Those type of experiences renew your faith in humanity.
The hypocrisy never comes from the common men and women it always seems to be those with that wee bit of power and want more or that sense of self- entitlement
Yes!
Thanks for sharing your experience with us David. I keep thinking that the "Tough Love" vigilantes advocating Boot Camps are merely timid bourgeois, well insulated from that sort of childhood abuse and neglect, but nevertheless feel intimidated by those who survived. They feel threatened so their knee-jerk reaction is to overcompensate by perpetuating the draconian treatments they would be too cowardly to face themselves.
So ignorant, so fearful. Education, support and courage to expose the secrets and lies is so needed to have transparency for all institutions responsible for vulnerable people.
Oh my goodness - what can one say? it is so horrific, especially the image of that 4 year old, 6 year old...
I am so glad you have been able to come to a place pf inner peace David, but I also hope that has not squashed your inner rebel because I think that is what such a system wants: to be cowed into silence.
Och, don’t worry Lyn… the wee rebel is still there when it comes to those in authority and with those that see a black and white world, a them and us mentality.
And you’re right it is the silence they want, it’s in the silence that evil thrives , just remember that when you see it, point at it, declare it and the world will be a better place for it
Right on David!