I love this Nick and add myself to the tear-shedders ♥️ I feel so fortunate to have lived through six years of kind government in NZ, led by Jacinda and continued by Grant and the only Chris with integrity. I hope upon hope that all those who have been treated with such humanity will get out and vote for kindness. The alternative is too hard to imagine right now.
I also shed a tear. Thanks for reminding us. I was a bit short with a passenger on my bus yesterday, after I had bent over backwards to get her on the bus (not at a stop). I felt shit about it all day. Today I will do better.
Thanks for this Alan. I saw a widowed friend in our local mall about 10 days ago and realised he was mooching - probably lonely. I extricated myself from a conversation in a shop and went to catch him up. I was planning to invite him for a coffee but he stopped to chat to someone else so I said hello as I passed and kept moving (my life is a bit busy). I felt bad about that all day. We all do these little things we regret but isn't it good that they do actually register with us?
I sometimes ponder the vexing question of why there's not more kindness in our society. It certainly is not often that people can't "afford" to be kind. The road rage we see from drivers of expensive European cars, the comments from parents on the side-lines of even young children's sporting events are so often delivered by people of considerable material comfort. Respectable on the outside but often quite scarily feral on the inside, with an atavistic fear of having what they have "taken away" or diminished somehow. There does seem to be this sector of our society who views kindness as only for chumps and expressions of it as purely performative. How this came about or what can be done about it is baffling to me. Sadly these people seem to be exerting their influence quite strongly in our political discourse right now.
Loved your daughter's story and then Heidi's. The Jonathan Pie clip is heart rending, and should be mandatory viewing for everyone, especially school age kids. I'm afraid many older people are too well practiced at turning a blind eye to the unfortunate.
I concentrate on being kind. Dealing with high Stress situations from the time I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2002 & found myself, repeatedly asking myself "Why Me, Why now?" It took me 8 weeks of trying to answer that question while going through Chemotherapy, losing all my Curly Locks, watching my body turn to Mush., It was a "Bittering experience" in the early part of being treated.
I went home & Read myself to sleep in my chair on the Verandah every day, trying to deep think my way into understanding the Why Me, Why Now of it all.
I have a 27 year old daughter, who was 6 when I got sick. I was 51, in my end game years (50 - 65). I didn't have the time, or patience to be sick & raise my Sharp as a Tack Daughter at the same time, as I was going through the Biggest issues in my life & asking the Big Spirit in the Sky WTF is this all about??? Is this a test of the Emergency Broadcast System & my Siren didn't go off to warn me I was being tested in such a huge way.
MY Wife had to carry the Financial Can when I got sick. I had to close up my Musical instrument Import Business as a full time Stage IV Cancer Patient & look the Grim Reaper in the eye with my questioning. There's no type of financial compensation available in NZ if you get sick. ACC doesn't cover you and WINZ don't want to know you because your unable to work, so it came down to my US Social Security Backstop Retirement savings program I had paid into throughout my working life in America. Except, they turned me down when I applied, because I was short a couple of Payments because I had been living in NZ the past 8 quarters & not working, or living in the US. It devastated us being turned down! It led to a separation with my Wife & Daughter in 2009 and wrecked our relationships.
I spent the 1st 40 years of my life growing up and getting stuck in to the Rat Race of Corporate Management. Life in the US in those days was tenuous, as Reagan demolished the Middle Class Jobs in Manufacturing, Textiles, Steel Production, Auto making & basically tipped all of the Unions over in the process of offshoring America's Production of all sorts to Aisian Sweat Shop Operations & left the Economic Driving up to China, et al. The guy gutted my Homeland and rode off into the Sunset of his life oblivious to the damage he did there to every Middle Class Family.
I got fed up with the Corruption & Greed around me and decided to pull the plug and Sail to NZ delivering my future wife home to her family from her OE. We had a Magical Adventure crossing the Pacific & arrived in Bay of islands in November 1990.I had no idea of what was in the Cards for me 12 years later when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nasty Stuff!
People, even your friends & Family, treat you differently when you get the Big C. It's like you smell bad & people avoid you in close quarters. I thought about that & found that some Friends were shattered, some didn't make any mention, but didn't stick around for any conversations & some friends actively went out of their way to avoid me because they were afraid, or had written me off as a goner.
Kindness was as valuable as Diamonds to me back then. My Chemo-sessions were the opposite of how my friends were seeing me. I started looking forward to going to Chemo, as harsh as that sounds! The Oncology nurses & Doctors were kind to me and uplifting in my Spirits.
I had fun relations with all my Carers at Dunedin Hospital. Each one was different & very special to me. We developed Jokes & Stories & shared the Kindness that caring gives when its met with the same.
Walkin around with a Turban, as a Pasty lookin White Guy gets you a lot of weird looks from Strangers. It's pretty much the same with your friends as well, but at least you get some conversation & some smiles - positive stuff & it helped me a lot to realise that people are terrified of coming in contact with Nasty diseases. They avoid it and avoid making much eye contact with you, which increases your depression & anxieties.
I went through a 2nd round of Chemo in the hope that it might help clear the Bad Cells out of my Bone Marrow & give me a fighting chance at a Bone Marrow Transplant that could be curative. I was showing a great deal of progress after round one, so round 2 was giving me some hope, which added to the kindness I was sharing with the Oncology Nurses & Doctors.
My home life was difficult with a Bolshy 8 year old that knew a lot more than me about everything & wouldn't take "No" as an answer when it came to doing anything she wanted without a crash helmet, because she was Bullet Proof & Immortal. I didn't know shit from Shinola & was out to make her life as difficult as possible.
I found out that she was being bullied at school, by the Principal. All of a sudden I had angry Parents talking to me about running for the School Board of Trustees. I had a lot of previous Corporate Management experience in dealing with Tough People & touchy situations that required a lot of People Skills, so the neighbours wanted to put me up for the Board Elections coming up.
Honestly, I didn't think I was up to the job, but I was concerned about my Daughter & her other wee friends at our School, so I took the plunge.
I thought my Daughter would be proud of me for standing up for her. NOT the case, it pissed her off & she was embarrassed to have me on the School Board, makin my job even tougher to remember to be kind & understanding with the phase she was going through, while at the same time I needed to focus on the facts around the Bullying Allegations and sort that out Pronto for the Community.
As it all turned out I got through the 2nd Chemo, cleared the bad cells & qualified for a Stem Cell (Bone Marrow) Transplant which was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life, to this day..
I read every Book in my Library at least twice & came out of the Why Me, Why Now question with Nobody knows exactly why shit happens to us when it does.
The Why Now, ended with Why Not, weird stuff happens to people all the time. I just happened to be the best place at the best time to go through something like Cancer with the Kindness & Positive Reinforcement that came from the Medical Staff I worked with at Dunedin Hospital . I counted my blessings and let by gones be bygones with the friends that were either afraid, or feeling guilty for having avoided spending much time with me when I was sick.
Kindness is a wonderful way of caring that you learn about as you go, by just watching folks react and finding a commonality to home in on. It's getting to truly know people that matters! If you just give up and bury your head in the sands of depression, it'll do you in, but if you muster the strength to smile & be inclusive Kindness is the best medicine there is to cure whatever Ails ya.. Where there's a will there is always a Way with a positive attitude & a big Hammer, as my Hat says!
Nothing is more important to anybody than Kindness & a positive non Judgemental Mental Attitude! There's always a reason people are grumpy if you dig deep enough to uncover it you might just crack the Ice around your relationships & come out with a deeper understanding of the necessity for Kindness & caring in such times of disconnect we're in presently! It sure ain't easy, but it's essential for all of us right about now!
What a tale of courage and wisdom. Take my hat off to you and am so happy you're still here to tell that tale. May I show it to a friend who is currently just post transplant and could do with some hope for survival. ? I will respect a no and keep schtum if you prefer.. Maureen
I love this Nick and add myself to the tear-shedders ♥️ I feel so fortunate to have lived through six years of kind government in NZ, led by Jacinda and continued by Grant and the only Chris with integrity. I hope upon hope that all those who have been treated with such humanity will get out and vote for kindness. The alternative is too hard to imagine right now.
And please, can someone tell Mike Hoskings that kindness is SO MUCH MORE than an airy-fairy fluffy feeling.
happened to see the headline on harold front page this morning :
MH : Ardern mantras still rankle ......be kind clare be kind clare be kind clare be kind clare.......
His comments show just how'damaged' he is.
I also shed a tear. Thanks for reminding us. I was a bit short with a passenger on my bus yesterday, after I had bent over backwards to get her on the bus (not at a stop). I felt shit about it all day. Today I will do better.
Thanks for this Alan. I saw a widowed friend in our local mall about 10 days ago and realised he was mooching - probably lonely. I extricated myself from a conversation in a shop and went to catch him up. I was planning to invite him for a coffee but he stopped to chat to someone else so I said hello as I passed and kept moving (my life is a bit busy). I felt bad about that all day. We all do these little things we regret but isn't it good that they do actually register with us?
I agree, it is good that they register. It's those who don't notice that are a worry.
Chris was very good last night, I'm sure you know that. I thought the Spinoff reviewed the debate well:
https://thespinoff.co.nz/politics/27-09-2023/leaders-debate-2-election-2023-the-verdicts
Jacinda was right!!! But did we listen?
I sometimes ponder the vexing question of why there's not more kindness in our society. It certainly is not often that people can't "afford" to be kind. The road rage we see from drivers of expensive European cars, the comments from parents on the side-lines of even young children's sporting events are so often delivered by people of considerable material comfort. Respectable on the outside but often quite scarily feral on the inside, with an atavistic fear of having what they have "taken away" or diminished somehow. There does seem to be this sector of our society who views kindness as only for chumps and expressions of it as purely performative. How this came about or what can be done about it is baffling to me. Sadly these people seem to be exerting their influence quite strongly in our political discourse right now.
Beautiful post x
Jonathon Pie has predicted what NZNats WANT for Aotearoa-nz.
"Kindness is not just for covid'.
Thanks Nick for the reminder ♡
LOVE LOVE LOVE!
clicking like doesnt seem enough acknowedgement for this lovely read.
This is beautiful Nick 💜
I shed a little tear, Nick. Beautiful.
Loved your daughter's story and then Heidi's. The Jonathan Pie clip is heart rending, and should be mandatory viewing for everyone, especially school age kids. I'm afraid many older people are too well practiced at turning a blind eye to the unfortunate.
Just what we needed!
I concentrate on being kind. Dealing with high Stress situations from the time I was diagnosed with Cancer in 2002 & found myself, repeatedly asking myself "Why Me, Why now?" It took me 8 weeks of trying to answer that question while going through Chemotherapy, losing all my Curly Locks, watching my body turn to Mush., It was a "Bittering experience" in the early part of being treated.
I went home & Read myself to sleep in my chair on the Verandah every day, trying to deep think my way into understanding the Why Me, Why Now of it all.
I have a 27 year old daughter, who was 6 when I got sick. I was 51, in my end game years (50 - 65). I didn't have the time, or patience to be sick & raise my Sharp as a Tack Daughter at the same time, as I was going through the Biggest issues in my life & asking the Big Spirit in the Sky WTF is this all about??? Is this a test of the Emergency Broadcast System & my Siren didn't go off to warn me I was being tested in such a huge way.
MY Wife had to carry the Financial Can when I got sick. I had to close up my Musical instrument Import Business as a full time Stage IV Cancer Patient & look the Grim Reaper in the eye with my questioning. There's no type of financial compensation available in NZ if you get sick. ACC doesn't cover you and WINZ don't want to know you because your unable to work, so it came down to my US Social Security Backstop Retirement savings program I had paid into throughout my working life in America. Except, they turned me down when I applied, because I was short a couple of Payments because I had been living in NZ the past 8 quarters & not working, or living in the US. It devastated us being turned down! It led to a separation with my Wife & Daughter in 2009 and wrecked our relationships.
I spent the 1st 40 years of my life growing up and getting stuck in to the Rat Race of Corporate Management. Life in the US in those days was tenuous, as Reagan demolished the Middle Class Jobs in Manufacturing, Textiles, Steel Production, Auto making & basically tipped all of the Unions over in the process of offshoring America's Production of all sorts to Aisian Sweat Shop Operations & left the Economic Driving up to China, et al. The guy gutted my Homeland and rode off into the Sunset of his life oblivious to the damage he did there to every Middle Class Family.
I got fed up with the Corruption & Greed around me and decided to pull the plug and Sail to NZ delivering my future wife home to her family from her OE. We had a Magical Adventure crossing the Pacific & arrived in Bay of islands in November 1990.I had no idea of what was in the Cards for me 12 years later when I was diagnosed with Stage IV Non Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nasty Stuff!
People, even your friends & Family, treat you differently when you get the Big C. It's like you smell bad & people avoid you in close quarters. I thought about that & found that some Friends were shattered, some didn't make any mention, but didn't stick around for any conversations & some friends actively went out of their way to avoid me because they were afraid, or had written me off as a goner.
Kindness was as valuable as Diamonds to me back then. My Chemo-sessions were the opposite of how my friends were seeing me. I started looking forward to going to Chemo, as harsh as that sounds! The Oncology nurses & Doctors were kind to me and uplifting in my Spirits.
I had fun relations with all my Carers at Dunedin Hospital. Each one was different & very special to me. We developed Jokes & Stories & shared the Kindness that caring gives when its met with the same.
Walkin around with a Turban, as a Pasty lookin White Guy gets you a lot of weird looks from Strangers. It's pretty much the same with your friends as well, but at least you get some conversation & some smiles - positive stuff & it helped me a lot to realise that people are terrified of coming in contact with Nasty diseases. They avoid it and avoid making much eye contact with you, which increases your depression & anxieties.
I went through a 2nd round of Chemo in the hope that it might help clear the Bad Cells out of my Bone Marrow & give me a fighting chance at a Bone Marrow Transplant that could be curative. I was showing a great deal of progress after round one, so round 2 was giving me some hope, which added to the kindness I was sharing with the Oncology Nurses & Doctors.
My home life was difficult with a Bolshy 8 year old that knew a lot more than me about everything & wouldn't take "No" as an answer when it came to doing anything she wanted without a crash helmet, because she was Bullet Proof & Immortal. I didn't know shit from Shinola & was out to make her life as difficult as possible.
I found out that she was being bullied at school, by the Principal. All of a sudden I had angry Parents talking to me about running for the School Board of Trustees. I had a lot of previous Corporate Management experience in dealing with Tough People & touchy situations that required a lot of People Skills, so the neighbours wanted to put me up for the Board Elections coming up.
Honestly, I didn't think I was up to the job, but I was concerned about my Daughter & her other wee friends at our School, so I took the plunge.
I thought my Daughter would be proud of me for standing up for her. NOT the case, it pissed her off & she was embarrassed to have me on the School Board, makin my job even tougher to remember to be kind & understanding with the phase she was going through, while at the same time I needed to focus on the facts around the Bullying Allegations and sort that out Pronto for the Community.
As it all turned out I got through the 2nd Chemo, cleared the bad cells & qualified for a Stem Cell (Bone Marrow) Transplant which was the scariest thing I've ever done in my life, to this day..
I read every Book in my Library at least twice & came out of the Why Me, Why Now question with Nobody knows exactly why shit happens to us when it does.
The Why Now, ended with Why Not, weird stuff happens to people all the time. I just happened to be the best place at the best time to go through something like Cancer with the Kindness & Positive Reinforcement that came from the Medical Staff I worked with at Dunedin Hospital . I counted my blessings and let by gones be bygones with the friends that were either afraid, or feeling guilty for having avoided spending much time with me when I was sick.
Kindness is a wonderful way of caring that you learn about as you go, by just watching folks react and finding a commonality to home in on. It's getting to truly know people that matters! If you just give up and bury your head in the sands of depression, it'll do you in, but if you muster the strength to smile & be inclusive Kindness is the best medicine there is to cure whatever Ails ya.. Where there's a will there is always a Way with a positive attitude & a big Hammer, as my Hat says!
Nothing is more important to anybody than Kindness & a positive non Judgemental Mental Attitude! There's always a reason people are grumpy if you dig deep enough to uncover it you might just crack the Ice around your relationships & come out with a deeper understanding of the necessity for Kindness & caring in such times of disconnect we're in presently! It sure ain't easy, but it's essential for all of us right about now!
Thank you for sharing that. Glad that you got through all of that. Maybe in time things will be better with your daughter?
What a tale of courage and wisdom. Take my hat off to you and am so happy you're still here to tell that tale. May I show it to a friend who is currently just post transplant and could do with some hope for survival. ? I will respect a no and keep schtum if you prefer.. Maureen
Perfect!
Thank you Nick. Kindness expressed beautifully and if the election dosent go our way its a comfort to be reminded that we will still be kind