ZB's Power Couple
The half-baked takes of Heather and Bazza.
I don't know
How to say what's got to be said
I don't know if it's black or white
There's others see it red
I don't get the answers right
I'll leave that to you
Is this love out of fashion
Or is it the time of year
Are these words distraction?
To the words you want to hear
Songwriters: Adam Clayton / Dave Evans / Larry Mullen / Paul David Hewson.
Time was when the first couple of Ra Ra Radio, the horror-scape of right-wing cheerleading that is Newstalk ZB, would’ve been Mike and Kate. A mendacious pair, once untouchable at making their poorly informed listeners even less so, which is no mean feat. But now the torch has passed to a new generation.
With Kate’s racism-related retirement and Mike still luxuriating in the euphoric afterglow of his coalition’s glorious ascent, there was room for a new power couple to emerge to take up the fight against decency and journalistic integrity in the NZME litter box of news.
Fear not, dear readers, Heather du Plessis-Allan (HDPA) and her septuagenarian Lothario Barry Soper (Bazza) have taken on the mantle, reassuring listeners that regardless of who is in government, it’s all Labour’s fault.
In the same way that you might choose to eat Brussel Sprouts and leave the cooked ham until last, assuming you’re not a fan of those cabbage-flavoured fart grenades, let’s begin with Heather. I don’t know about you, but I get a gag reflex and have to stop myself retching - from the sprouts, I mean.
Following the announcement that Nicola Willis had managed to steer the economy onto the rocks rather than contend with a stiff breeze, Heather apportioned blame for the fiasco - it’s pretty much what she does.
“No way we’re getting to the surplus we expected in 2028. That is now so far away it’s not even in Treasury’s forecast period anymore. It’s some time, who knows when, in the 2030's.
We’ll have to borrow another $20b in debt to tide us over for the next four years. That’ll push our interest payments over $10b every year. So we’ll be spending more on our debt interest than we spend on Defence, Corrections, Police, and Customs combined.”
To be fair there was much to complain about, and Heather began well by describing the problem we find ourselves in.
I get a little glow when I think of long lines at the airport over the holidays. Instead of passengers wondering why on earth they don’t deploy more people and open another queue, they will now smile benignly. Content in the knowledge that the long, poorly serviced queue they are waiting in is simply their tax cut at work and the result of their coalition government’s cuts.
I imagine people in under-resourced Emergency Departments around the Motu will feel similar as they grimace and repeat the leader's phrase, “Isn’t it wonderful?”
Unfortunately, HDPA then steers her column head-first into a brick wall at quite a speed by saying, “Now, this is not the current Government's fault. This is a recession caused by Adrian Orr and the Reserve Bank to deal with Labour’s overspending.”
To which I would make three points:
Spending money during a global pandemic, a rainy day if ever there was one, is what responsible governments do to stimulate demand and avoid heavy job losses.
Adrian Orr is supposed to keep interest rates high when the economy is overheating to minimise inflation; he did that as well as any central banker. Then, when the economy is tanking, like now, he lowers interest rates to try to breathe life into the convulsing corpse that Willis has delivered. He’s done that too. This finger-pointing at a Public Servant is poorly informed and misleading. So classic HDPA, then.
It is the government’s fault. They are spending as much as Labour did during the pandemic, and we don’t even get to stay home and watch Jacinda and Ashley. The reason we’re going to be in debt for longer is the Tax Cuts and any pretence otherwise is just silly.
HDPA’s main gripe is that the coalition, even as they stand knee-deep in the blood of Public Servants and construction workers from cancelled infrastructure programs, “need to be cutting way harder than they are.”
Ho Ho Ho, that’s the Christmas spirit, Heather.
“They were supposed to cut that by 1.4% this year. They cut it by 0.2%. That’s basically no cut. Next year it's supposed to cut by 2.2%. Now, it's by another 0.2%, which is to say they’re actually not cutting much at all.”
It seems HDPA would have been happier if the cuts were seven times greater this year, and were planned to be eleven times greater than they are next year.
“National keeps saying they can’t cut more because they don’t want austerity, but we are so far from austerity it’s not funny.”
Heather is certainly keen on having a lot more austerity. I guess an additional 50,000 people out of work so far is not enough. That’s a bad joke in HDPA land. All those people facing Christmas with the stress of not knowing how they are going to pay their bills—she wants to see more, many, many more. Tis the Season, after all.
“National needs to treat this like the economic trainwreck it is and cut their cloth accordingly. They might not be responsible for the mess we’re in, but they are responsible for fixing it and so far, they’re really not fixing it.”
Good grief, at what point will the coalition and apologists like Heather accept that they are actually running things and not the people on the opposition benches—oh, that the latter were?
Stop saying we’ve had irresponsible spending and then not mentioning $14 billion in Tax Cuts. It’s embarrassing. For goodness sake, look at the headline from yesterday:
We all know that countries worldwide introduced stimulus packages during Covid to keep the wheels turning. This resulted in inflation and an increase in the cost of living everywhere. Most countries have voted for change since Covid, turfing out the incumbent government whether their response was good or bad.
Most nations were in a similar situation to that which Nicola Willis inherited as Finance Minister. The difference is what has happened since, under her stewardship, and that, despite the absurd calls of HDPA, sits squarely with this government and with Willis in particular.
According to this article, in a comparison that considered GDP, stock market performance, core inflation, unemployment and government deficits, our Economy was ranked 33rd out of 37 OECD nations. The only economies that performed worse during 2024 were Finland, Latvia, Turkey and Estonia.
Yes, the coalition inherited an economy that had been through a period of government stimulus with accompanying high interest rates; there is no surprise there; everyone knew that was the case and the reasons for it. However, Labour’s spending worked; it kept people in jobs, and it saved lives. On the other hand, you only have to look at the current economic news to see where Nicola’s trickle-down approach of austerity and tax cuts has gotten us.
While HDPA had her hands clasped over her eyes and intoned “La La La La La” in the face of Nicola’s economic mismanagement, old Bazza in the corner was having deluded fantasies about who the politician of the year had been
I’ve chosen my awards. There will be a Politician of the Year newsletter sometime soon, and I’m not saying who it is. However, I don’t think I’ll be giving too much away if I tell you that it sure as hell isn’t Christopher Luxon—unlike Barry’s choice.
In his column, Bazza extols the virtues of the PM in a scarcely believable way. Like, has he been in a coma all year? Or perhaps certain events have slipped his mind? As in all of them.
I’m struggling to think of anything in Luxon’s performance this year that might warrant recognition as the number one politician in the country.
“No one in modern political history has become Prime Minister with so little political experience, " declares Bazza. I’ll give him that, although I’m not sure being inexperienced is a defining characteristic of top performance; what does Soper see?
He continues, “Luxon isn’t your typical politician, let alone the leader of the country. For starters the demon drink has never got so much as a sniff from him. And he’s a Christian to boot”
Readers need to remember that in Bazza’s mind, it’s still 1984. He’s drinking gin with Muldoon while deciding whether to call a Schnapps election.
Seriously fella, I know they call you “Barely Sober”, but we haven’t had a slurring PM since Key; both Ardern and Chippy managed to go about their day without getting stuck into the sauce, and a lack of being a piss artist hardly qualifies one as the politician of the year.
Soper says, “Luxon was advised when he was about to give his maiden speech to Parliament to leave out the Christian side of his life. He ignored the advice and went full-on about his beliefs. The public seemed to have liked it. It led to a healthy debate about Christianity and politics.”
Umm, really? We had a healthy debate on Christianity and politics. When did that happen? I think I missed it. I’m starting to wonder if old Bazza is even less in touch with reality than the exceedingly limited credit I was affording him.
Barry wrote about Luxon’s infamous quote on Newstalk ZB. You know the one, “Let me be clear: I’m wealthy, I’m, you know, sorted.” Which at least made a change from the man referring to himself as “entitled”.
While most of us thought, “What an out-of-touch, complete and utter bellend”, Barry heard the self-deprecating, heroic intent behind the words that alluded the rest of us.
“It may have been clumsy, but the quote was for some reason seen as the quote of the year in some quarters, as though he was removed from the pain of those who haven’t done as well as him are going through”, said Barry.
I’m sorry, Barry, I’ve given you the benefit of the doubt up until now, but good lord, man, any suggestion that the PM has NOT been removed from the pain of others who have not done as well as he has is just laughable.
His only inconvenience has been trying to appear moderately sympathetic while damaging the lives of many—and he hasn’t done that very well.
Such is the quality of Luxon’s leadership that he won’t even front his own people…
Some have suggested that the answer to that question is “because he wasn’t invited” or, more to the point, “because he was told he wasn’t welcome.” Either way, it doesn’t say much about the man as a leader—whether he is not welcome or lacks the courage to turn up at events that recognise two people coming together.
Those of a sensitive disposition might want to look away from Barry’s conclusion or at least have one of those paper bags you find on a flight to hand.
“So as Luxon packs his bags for the holidays with his family and friends, he can reflect on a stinker of a year, but one that he’s survived pretty well.
His ratings were never going to be high given the mess that he inherited, but in my making-it-against-all-odds book, he has to be my politician of the year.”
What a sentiment; the year might have sucked, but Luxon, the leader, walks clear of it smelling like roses? What the heck?
So why does any of this matter? Why do we care what the heck right-wing cheerleaders like Barry and Heather have to say?
The sad reality is that people listen to their idiotic reckons. Even as the ZB presenters acknowledge that things have gone rather pear-shaped, they cannot bring themselves to apportion any blame to their own side, the one in charge.
Then those listeners go out and vote accordingly, and that’s why it matters.
I nearly titled this newsletter Two Farts Bleat As One, but I thought that was a bit on the nose. 🙂 I quite liked early U2 when they were just a quirky pop band, back before Bono decided he was the Messiah; here they are with Two Hearts Beat As One.
Have a good day, all you lovely people. Only five sleeps to go.
In case you're wondering why this is free, I kind of figured this one might get a lot of likes. It's always hard to know, but I had a feeling this would end up getting opened up, so I've pre-empted it. As always, I really appreciate your support, which enables me to share this with others who perhaps cannot pay or find others who might. Anyway hope it's a good one.
The only thing harder to listen to than 2ZB is the vacuous word salad that emanates from our bald Chicken and his associated banshee in full denial.
Depressing to hear that the bimbos of 2ZB have spawned a more demented support crew. One cements old white male mental ineptitude and the other provides an excellent case for exporting South Africans who are intent on spreading disinformation and creating racial divide in our country. No time for Atlas Puppets.