Medley
A handful of early season satire.
Morena folks,
We’re having a good break, recharging the batteries. Hope you’re enjoying the holiday period. I’m not feeling terribly inspired by much at the moment, I’m afraid—not from a writing point of view, anyway.
So, today, we’re travelling back in time. You’ll have to imagine the wavy lines and sci-fi sound effects. We’re returning to the first season of Nick’s Kōrero, 2022, which is new territory for most of you.
Now, back in 2022, we had a very different government - no kidding! And some days, I struggled to find anything to write about.
You can hardly write a daily newsletter saying, “The government’s doing fine again. A few quibbles but nothing major, and the opposition’s a disorganised rabble that no one in their right mind would vote for. See you tomorrow for more of the same.” So, back then, I used to write a bit more satire.
There wasn’t more of it back then just for the sake of a topic. Today’s coalition is essentially self-lampooning. They’re already absurd pantomime villains without the need for parody, and so, alas, I stick to the plain, dry facts.
Mostly.
Well, sometimes.
That’s enough Luxonating (waffling meaninglessly). Here are five satirical newsletters from 2022. Without wanting to appear too immodest, I had tears of laughter when re-reading some of the lines, despite having written them in the first place. Hope you enjoy them too. 🙂
Firstly, new leader Christopher Luxon discovers the secrets accompanying his role as he tries to gain traction in the nation’s interest. But will this be enough?
Empty Lift Shaft.
The great and smiley leader (2.0) was feeling discouraged. The PM was back in front of the nation and he was achieving zero cut through, other than reminding the country that he used to be a CEO.
Secondly, the Omega variant of Covid is worshipped in Aotearoa; if you don’t remember, it might be because it never happened. But it wasn’t hard to imagine…
The giant O
Tonight on BBC World we have extensive coverage of the latest version of the Corona virus to emerge.
Thirdly, David Seymour went for an Easter walk, meeting various folks along the way. That’s pretty much the whole plot…
David has a Good Friday.
It was beautiful day. David Seymour was feeling a bit hungover and in need of caffeine but he had nothing in the pantry – I should get one of those emergency food packages he thought, I wonder if they come with beans or ground Espresso?
Fourthly, Christopher’s top-secret performance review is misplaced. Who should happen to find it, and what did it say?
Top Secret Luxon report leaked
Jack was preparing himself for his show in his usual way by emptying the bladder and practising his trademark smile into the mirror above the urinal in the TVNZ presenter’s bathroom.
Fifthly, last but not least, Nicola Willis hosts a clandestine get-together, but what games are afoot?
Weekend at Nikki's - a matter of Truss.
Labour weekend, traditionally the first BBQ of the year, perhaps the first swim for those brave enough. This year a clandestine meeting of the National caucus, without their leader, to brainstorm and plot - hosted by Nicola Willis, current deputy leader.
These newsletters take a fair amount of work. If you enjoy my writing and if doing so won’t leave you short, please consider a paid subscription to Nick’s Kōrero.
Today is the last day of my New Year’s special, which ends at midnight tonight. It offers 25% off for 12 months of paywall-free reading, making it $75 for a whole year or $7.50 monthly.
Another medley to end, one I suspect quite a few of you will enjoy.
Nick your past posts were certainly a good laugh to start the new year. It seems beyond the realms of reason that those incompetents you wrote about are now stuffing up our country. It must be hard to write about them in a satirical fashion now as the satire has become the reality. So enjoy the holiday season while we await your new posts after your well earned break. I’m sure there will be lots to inspire your enjoyable writing. Still laughing at your sizzling humour.
Loved it. Posts I had not seen before and as scarily relevant today as they were then.